Pretty sure I'm getting dumped tonight...

LegacyUser

I've been goin out with my gf now for a little over 3 years. We went to Boston together during the summer on a J1 and had a lot of fights. Things have gotten a bit better but we're still pretty up and down. Anyway of late we've been texting less, she's holding back on saying "I love you" when saying goodnight, had a few of "The Talks" etc.

We're meeting up tonight and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna get the sack... and I don't mean into bed with her. Of course this gets me down but thankfully I've contemplated it a lot and since the summer and am relatively okay with it. I'm not sure how I'll take it if it's actually said to me though, it's not impossible to imagine it getting very teary and all that crap.

Anyone got any advice on how I can prepare myself? Anything I should not do in any circumstances?

Is it much better to jump than be pushed?

togster

1986_guy wrote: »

I've been goin out with my gf now for a little over 3 years. We went to Boston together during the summer on a J1 and had a lot of fights. Things have gotten a bit better but we're still pretty up and down. Anyway of late we've been texting less, she's holding back on saying "I love you" when saying goodnight, had a few of "The Talks" etc.

We're meeting up tonight and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna get the sack... and I don't mean into bed with her. Of course this gets me down but thankfully I've contemplated it a lot and since the summer and am relatively okay with it. I'm not sure how I'll take it if it's actually said to me though, it's not impossible to imagine it getting very teary and all that crap.

Anyone got any advice on how I can prepare myself? Anything I should not do in any circumstances?

Is it much better to jump than be pushed?

Hey just broke up with my girlfriend wednesday. Still not fully broken up. We are goint to see each other tommorrow, but for me its over. Like you i know its been on the cards fro a while. But i am numb at the moment. have cried alot and at times im ok. She wants to stay friends but i can't. So i don't have any advice just that its going to be hard loosing my best friend. How do you cope with that?

humanji

Just realax. Remember that you she may not actually dump you. But if she does want to break up, there's little you can really do. It happens to most people at one point or another (or on a regular basis if you're me), so see what happens and react to it however way you feel at the time.

amazingemmet

Dump her before she dumps you. This way you save face

diamondp

meet your gf find out what she has to say and deal with it the best you can. breaking up is never easy. dont rush into dumping her first you might regret that.and there is a change she isnt going to dump you at all. try and stay positive. i know that is easier said then done but try.

MagicMarker

IF you do break up, then get everything out on the table and don't leave without saying everything you want to say. I say this because when it does happen, you need to move on. Break contact with her completely. Fair enough if you decide to stay friends but there needs to be a period between breaking up, and being friends. One can't follow the other. So, break up, live your life for a few months and then if you want, do the friend thing.

Aura

Don't jump to conclusions and just be prepared to listen to what she has to say and take the opportunity to say whatever, if anything, is on your mind with regards to the relationship. Don't be afraid to tell her how you feel and don't second guess what she is feeling either. Be honest and straight up. No point putting up a front with someone you've been so close to. It all comes out in the end anyway.


Best of luck.


A.

Mighty_Mouse

Ya need not to be so wimpy about the whole affair.
You sound like a schoolboy afraid to come home to mammy after a bad school report!
FFS are you not meant to be 2 people in an adult relationship.
Also she seems to be doing all the talking here.
Stand up for yerself. Even its completly unreasonable at times, she'll respect you for it.

Finally, if she does dump you.
Shrug yer shoulders, Say..:"no worries, I just havent been able to tell you the same thing for ages so sweet!".
Then walk away.

MagicMarker

yeah!! Cos that's the manly thing to do!! Grrrrr:rolleyes:

OP, don't worry about this crap.

Aura

Mighty_Mouse wrote: »

FFS are you not meant to be 2 people in an adult relationship.


Finally, if she does dump you.
Shrug yer shoulders, Say..:"no worries, I just havent been able to tell you the same thing for ages so sweet!".
Then walk away.

Mildly contradictory, no?

Cathmandooo

Mighty_Mouse wrote: »

Ya need not to be so wimpy about the whole affair.
You sound like a schoolboy afraid to come home to mammy after a bad school report!
FFS are you not meant to be 2 people in an adult relationship.
Also she seems to be doing all the talking here.
Stand up for yerself. Even its completly unreasonable at times, she'll respect you for it.

Finally, if she does dump you.
Shrug yer shoulders, Say..:"no worries, I just havent been able to tell you the same thing for ages so sweet!".
Then walk away.

I love that you're giving out to him for being childish and yet giving him a childish line to say to his gf / ex


I dont think there's any way to prepare yourself other than thinking how you feel through and make up your own mind about what you want to do first.

If you realise you dont want to lose her then approach her saying that you know things havent been great lately, you've given it a lot of thought and that you want to make a real go of it from now on.

If you decide it's the end of the line for you both and you're 100% positively sure then break up with her yourself, no point wasting anymore time on a doomed relationship.

Good luck with it anyway, respect your and her decisions whatever the outcome.

LegacyUser

WOW mighty mouse, thats very mature!!
op, if it does happen dont get petty about it. she will respect you a lot more if you tell her you're sorry that it had to end but you agree its for the best. dont walk away with her thinking she's glad to be rid of someone immature enough to say "sweet" after the breakup of a serious relationship

Mighty_Mouse

Sorry, posted that last one on the fly
(I wont edit cos of the responses.)
But the gist remains the same.
- Relationship on = both parties 100% honest about what they need/want to do etc (even when the other party doesnt want to hear it).
I just think the demeanour of the OP post is all wrong. When I mention respect I mean it as a 2-way process.
OP can't just hang his head & receive "the talk". He has to tell her exactly why she's such a pain in the hole half the time & she has to do likewise.

- Relationship off - "whatever", like I never knew ya lady.

IMO if the "relationship on" part is done right then you only get to part B if 2 people are genuinely uncompatible.


Finally the point is, if she has already decided the relationship is over.
If this is a potential .."your dumped loser" conversation. (alternatively framed, I love you but only as a friend nowadays).
Then whats the point in talking?
Should he beg for "another chance"?

If the relationship is dead then all you're gonna do is break-down to the person who's breaking you.
IMO frig that crap.

ps. accepted that the ........."c ya , sweet!" line was petty.

Gyalist

Mighty_Mouse is 100% correct. The fact that he is here fretting about whether or not his girlfriend is going to dump him shows that he's handed over all the power in the relationship to his girlfriend. If he can already sense that a breakup is imminent the relationship is probably on it's last legs anyway.

LegacyUser

ok, here's how I would do it to a) save face b) without the cheesy BS people are suggesting c) being (hopefully) mature about it and d) not falling out heavily with your current, possibly soon to be ex, girlfriend.

you know there's a problem, she knows there's a problem. Usually, unless it's a blazing row, people outline a few reasons why they want to break up. This is your opportunity to listen, without getting too upset or angry. Have a few things of your own that you find are reasons for breaking up, and lay them out also. At least you'll show you weren't just drifting through and were paying attention. It'll also get you closer to the point of an agreed break up. If you've both had reasons, it'll become clear to both parties it's just not working out.

at this stage, whatever goes, if you're upset get upset. no shame in it you seem to be together a decent stretch. anyways, If it gets so silly as to someone saying "no, it's me dumping you" throw the brakes on. tell her all the reasons you have for breaking up (again) and point to the fact it's mutual.

nothing worse than having people say back to you "I hear you got dumped". In fact I like the fact I've been able to say about a couple of break ups that "we agreed to break up". People at first don't believe you but I dunno it's a mark of maturity or something. god, I dunno, call up a psychologist for the reasons for it being a good thing

don't let it be all one way traffic is all Im' saying, and if you're heading for the same conclusion why wouldn't anyone agree to call it a mutual break up?

Lollipops23

aw I've actually been in your shoes-and it isn't a nice place to be. I find that your gut instinct is(unfortunately) usually right.All you can do is psych yourself up and know what it is that you want to get out of this "talk".would you like to give it another go or are you happy to go your seperate ways?

axer

So did you get dumped?