Stephen P - Background & Log

Stephen P

My name is Stephen and I have a stutter.

I'm 26 and I've had my stutter since I was about 7 or 8, I can't actually remember and I can't really remember what caused it, maybe bullying. I attended speech therapy for about 2 years when I was 10. It didn't help one bit and concentrated more on pronounciation.
Went through primary school, secondary school and then college without any therapy. I was never bullied over it in school which I'm grateful for as it could really damage a childs confidence.
I never had a problem with getting jobs and I never let it stop me, except for one thing. When I was in college I got into DJing, mainly bedroom DJing or for years just stayed in the bedroom mixing away. Tried to get into clubs, but no chance. Then about 3 years ago bought CD decks with hope of doing parties. Did a course on DJing to help get me used to CD decks. Advertised a bit with no luck. Looking back now my stutter prevented me to get out and do more parties. I was afraid to speak on the mic incase I stuttered. I could have gotten around it by having a set script and avoiding certain words but I just didn't push myself. Since then I've sold all my equipment and no longer DJ.
About a year and half ago I got interested in getting some therapy. Did a little research online but didn't see much. Had a look at the McGuire programme but felt it was too expensive. Then got an email address of a therapist in Trinity who then got me in touch with Jonathon Linklater and Duana Quigley, 2 speech therapists with the HSE. They run courses very similiar to PATMAR twice a year out in a hotel in Balbriggan, it lasts about 5 days, its a residential course. The course itself works a lot on whats underneath the stuttering iceberg and then also works to eliminate whats on top i.e facial movements, body movements etc... The course doesn't offer 100% fluency, the aim is to get the person comfortable with their stutter. I won't go too much into the course now but as I write my log in the weeks and months to come I'll mention some of the things the course deals with.

The the moment my speech is ok, I take each day as it comes. I have some bad days and some good days. I go to the ISA meetings twich a month when I can, thats great for support.

I'll be using this thread for daily or weekly logs. I will welcome feedback but want it kept to a minimum as its a log.

Thank you.

Stephen P

Monday 10th December, 2007

A little background info...
My job is a Customer Service Agent within a large Local Authority. A part of the job is working within Call Centre and the other half doing back office duties. At the moment I'm in the Call Centre.
I never pictured myself working in a Call Centre, especially with having a stutter, its not the ideal job for a person who stutters. I applied for the job and didn't have any hesitation doing so, I don't let my stutter prevent me going further in my career.

Back in work today after being off for a week. I must admit I'm finding it very difficult today. Having loads of blocks. There's a lot of tension building up over it. Some words just aren't coming out :mad: I'm finding vowels most difficult. I bit my tongue the other day and since then I'm blocking loads, I don't think this is contributing to my "rough patch" but maybe...just maybe...

Normally I find Mondays & Tuesdays my worse days. I don't know why. My stutter is usually unpredictable but I can usually predict that I'll have bad Mondays and Tuesdays.

I'm going to practise extra voluntary stammering till I finish this evening and see if it eases the tension. Perhaps I'm dwelling too much on the bad blocks rather than focusing on the times I get fluency :rolleyes:

Stephen P

Thursday 13th December, 2007

Since Monday I've had less tension building up. I feel a lot more relaxed than when I wrote my last log. I've had a few bad blocks but don't feel as negatively towards them. I was out last night with a few people from my speech therapy programme and just talking openly about stammering is a very positive thing. I can't stress enough how important support is. You may be able to talk to your partner/friend/family about your stammer but they never know exactly how you feel whereas a person who stammers knows exactly what goes through your mind.
I had to make a few personal calls today in work and they went very well. Sometimes I'm very bad when I make a personal call.
I also told a couple of the lads from my job last night that I attend speech therapy, which was a big step for me.

Stephen P

Thursday 20th December, 2007

Since my last entry things are going ok. I've had good days and bad days. Nothing major to report. After Christmas I'll be out of the call centre and into the back office doing different jobs, mainly face to face with customers. I'm looking forward to the break from the phones, it'll give me a chance to practise my eye contact.

Stephen P

Friday 11th January. 2008

Over the past few weeks my speech has been really bad in comparison to the last few months of 2007. There was a death in my girlfriends family and I think the stress of that has progressively made my speech bad. It's getting to a point where its causing a lot of tension to be built up at the back of my neck and its giving me headaches. I'm trying the techniques used in therapy but perhaps not enough. There's an ISA meeting next week, I'll go to that and hopefully it'll get me back on track and feeling more positively about things.

Stephen P

Monday 3rd November, 2008

It's been quite a while since I've posted a log so I thought it was time I did one.
I'm quite happy with the way my speech is going at the moment. I have good days and bad days. I try not let the bad days get me down or else it just gets worse.
I have since left my job in the call centre through a transfer within the organisation. It has made an enormous difference. Not so much in my speech (yet), I don't feel as anxious as I used to. Every morning I went into work thinking "what kind of day am I going to have today?". In my new job I answer the phone and make calls but its no way as pressurised as a call centre. I can deal with the calls now.
My speech with my family was always kinda bad, but lately I'm practising voluntary stammering in front of them, I'm also using it in front of my girlfriend to help me get out of bad blocks.
I attend the ISA self-help support meetings twice a month and also the DAS monthly meeting which is for people who have attended the DAS programme. With 3 meetings a month it really helps me get back on track. I'm going along to the new DAS programme this Wednesday to give my experience to the new participants, its a good opportunity for me to practise my techniques and also give this forum a plug
I spoke recently at the National Stammering Awareness Day in Wynns Hotel on Internet Resources. I found my speech was OK but I don't think I was prepared enough for the presentation (content wise). If I do it next year I'll revamp the whole presentation. It was a good experience though.

So finally to wrap this log up, I'm pretty much happy with my speech at the moment and I look forward to what the future has to offer.

Stephen P