Is it a lost cause

LegacyUser

I was single for probably about 4yrs before I met my current boyfriend. I did my fair share of sh*gging around in that time, but that's not really relevant. I have been with said boyfriend for nearly six months. I love him, he isn't ready to tell me that. I want to see him a lot more than he wants to see me. He has f*cked off on me a couple of times when plans were made. He can say really hurtful things to me that he thinks are funny, he doesn't like public displays of affection, am I wasting my time, or am I just a nag who wants too much? He says that it took him a couple of years to tell his last girlfriend that he loved her, I told him that I am not willing to hang around that long at this stage of my life. (Mid-Twenties). I wanted a boyfriend for a long time before I met him, so am I just with him for the sake of it? Also when we have sex it's absolutely brill, we should really do porn, anyway I want sex way more than him too. I get lots at the weekend, but not so much during the week, feel like I'm being rejected. But he tells me he is mad about me, when I sleep with him, he kisses and cuddles me all night. I am so confused!!

Miss Fluff

Does he do anything really romantic or to show he cares? Post-coital affection hardly constitutes as a relationship. Seems like you are quite needy. Do you do much together besides from have sex at the weekends? You sure you're not confusing this "relationship" with an ongoing f8ck-buddy situation??

the dee

I used to think I was too needy, too tactile, always wanting to snuggle, hold hands, kiss, see the other person as often as possible. I thought it was a flaw in me because my boyfriend was a lot more chilled and not very physical.

Today I have someone who loves all of these things as much as I do. We are perfectly matched in how much time we want to spend together and how tactile we are. Don't let anyone tell you you're too clingy or needy, you'll find someone who's perfect for you. Maybe it's not this guy.

Lola123

Gimme Strength wrote: »

I was single for probably about 4yrs before I met my current boyfriend. I did my fair share of sh*gging around in that time, but that's not really relevant. I have been with said boyfriend for nearly six months. I love him, he isn't ready to tell me that. I want to see him a lot more than he wants to see me. He has f*cked off on me a couple of times when plans were made. He can say really hurtful things to me that he thinks are funny, he doesn't like public displays of affection, am I wasting my time, or am I just a nag who wants too much? He says that it took him a couple of years to tell his last girlfriend that he loved her, I told him that I am not willing to hang around that long at this stage of my life. (Mid-Twenties). I wanted a boyfriend for a long time before I met him, so am I just with him for the sake of it? Also when we have sex it's absolutely brill, we should really do porn, anyway I want sex way more than him too. I get lots at the weekend, but not so much during the week, feel like I'm being rejected. But he tells me he is mad about me, when I sleep with him, he kisses and cuddles me all night. I am so confused!!

Sounds exactly like my ex boyfriend. (wonder if it's the same person?)

Sounds to me like he's not as into you as you are to him. start doing your own thing more and maybe he'll want to be around you more, but the bottom line is, you can't make someone love you the way you want them to and You can't have a relationship with someone if there is such a huge gap in how you feel about them relative to how they feel about you.

AngryBadger

Gimme Strength wrote: »

he doesn't like public displays of affection, am I wasting my time, or am I just a nag who wants too much?

Probably

Gimme Strength wrote: »

I am not willing to hang around that long at this stage of my life.

So you'd prefer to ditch him for someone who's willing to say something they don't mean?

Sounds to me like it's you who's not really ready for a mature realtionship here. He's out of line is you makes plans and he doesn't follow through, and obviously he shouldn't say hurtful things. But we're only getting one side of things here, and I'd have major reservations about anyone who'd consider ending a supposedly "great" relationship because the guy she's with doesn't feel ready to say "I love you".

Gemini Sister

AngryBadger wrote: »

Probably



So you'd prefer to ditch him for someone who's willing to say something they don't mean?

Sounds to me like it's you who's not really ready for a mature realtionship here. He's out of line is you makes plans and he doesn't follow through, and obviously he shouldn't say hurtful things. But we're only getting one side of things here, and I'd have major reservations about anyone who'd consider ending a supposedly "great" relationship because the guy she's with doesn't feel ready to say "I love you".

Its not a great sign though is it? When a man is mad about you its usually pretty clear.

OP. Forget about the four years being single. They tell you nothing about the future. And you have tonnes of time.

kaalgat

the dee wrote: »

I used to think I was too needy, too tactile, always wanting to snuggle, hold hands, kiss, see the other person as often as possible. I thought it was a flaw in me because my boyfriend was a lot more chilled and not very physical.

Today I have someone who loves all of these things as much as I do. We are perfectly matched in how much time we want to spend together and how tactile we are. Don't let anyone tell you you're too clingy or needy, you'll find someone who's perfect for you. Maybe it's not this guy.

I can second this.
I also had a fella that wasn't quite into affection as much as I was. Holding hands, hugging etc. wasn't his thing, while I really like it.
Used to think I was clingy and needy, and I tried very hard to stop being that way.

Today I have someone that gives and receives without my having to ask, and seems to know when I need it.

As said above, maybe he's just not the guy for you. As you said, you're mid 20s and not looking for a lifetime partner.
Move on if he doesn't give you what you need.