So

Flattery

Walking home alone on a surreal Saturday night
Floating over cracks in the pavement
Glancng down to the sign of Castle Place
And praying for the dawn to come

The springs and the hope of a Friday night
And a hazy, purple Saturday morning
Slipping away like a 50s movie house
In the darkness of the late night

Poetic music and joy on the streets
Fists in the air, feet kicking so high
Scintillation left at home, last night
With a head full of beer

Sweet sleep and joyous deep
In a cathedral in the sand
The forgotten eternity
Building a mythical Saigon

In the darkened deeper blue
Of a shirt undone too far
I'm aware of her glittering eyes
Dancing with forbidden glee

Lips are yours
Eyes are mine
And crying once again.

shiv

Flattery wrote: »

Walking home alone on a surreal Saturday night
Floating over cracks in the pavement
Glancng down to the sign of Castle Place
And praying for the dawn to come

The springs and the hope of a Friday night
And a hazy, purple Saturday morning
Slipping away like a 50s movie house
In the darkness of the late night

Poetic music and joy on the streets
Fists in the air, feet kicking so high
Scintillation left at home, last night
With a head full of beer

Sweet sleep and joyous deep
In a cathedral in the sand
The forgotten eternity
Building a mythical Saigon

In the darkened deeper blue
Of a shirt undone too far
I'm aware of her glittering eyes
Dancing with forbidden glee

Lips are yours
Eyes are mine
And crying once again.

why 'so'?
hi flattery, nice to see you posting again! i really like the first two stanzas and the last one. the middle i'm not so sure about...could you lose it altogether? once again, last verse...stunning

Flattery

Nice to see your name again, Shiv, and good to hear from you!

I think this is an example of very much not being in control of my material; not overly proud of this at all, but merely posted because I have not in so long. In fact, like you, I only like the last verse and I think it is this one's only redeeming feature. The title is essentially meaningless I think, though obscure enough to try and sound gnomic, as opposed to the vacuous and arbitrary choice it was.

So, we are feeling rusty on the whole writing front, but just trying to get back into the swing of posting regularly as a way to kick myself back into gear.

Post soon yourself there, missus!

shiv

why thank you

Okay, I'm glad you agree with my comments, I wasn't trying to be overly harsh or anything...It's good to see you getting back into the posting regularly swing, it's tough to do, I know! When you stop for a bit you start to feel kind of shy...