I am dreaming poetry again, my love

slacker111

I am dreaming poetry again, my love

the first night it happened
I dreamed three poems in a row
love poems perhaps
but they fell away forlornly
while I slowly woke

I drifted into the dawn delicately
on the first line of the third poem
"I am a shadow in the garden of David."

the very next night I dreamed again
found myself on that morning
floating above the poetry line
dreaming that you were loving me
bestirred in blissful innocence
like Eden just before the Fall.

slacker111

it doesn't mean anything to you
I guess, that I can see you
even with my eyes closed

can see you there when I'm here
how I see you in my dreams
even when I'm asleep
see you when I'm under you
and not even me anymore
you propped up on one arm
watching me see you
in the way that I do
with my eyes closed

do you love yourself
when you see you in my closed eyes
the way I love you
when I see you that way?

do you ever think of me
seeing you
no matter who I'm looking at
no matter what I'm doing
off and on during the day
every day
even with my eyes open?

Outcast

Wow, lovely! You've achieved that rare thing which is to actually capture the dreamlike state with words! And the original statement is a wonderful one!

I'd be a bit more technical but I'm rather dreamlike myself at the moment. I really like it though!

slacker111

I did cheat a bit. I used my actual dreams for that. I logged them two nights running and combined it for that one (first) poem.

Im not much of a poet, but I do enjoy playing with words and sulking in general and writing poetry is kind of the best of both of those worlds for me at times.

Thanks.

I loved your poem about your grandparents dancing.

I'm very drawn to dance. In 'Nil by Mouth' which was Gary Oldman's directoral debut, one of the few breaths of fresh air in an almost unwatchably depressing film was a scene of the mother and daugher dancing in the kitchen.

Then again, in "Dancing at Lughnasa", the sisters dancing in the front yard - marvelous. I forget how the narrator described it but it was something like that the dancing itself made words unnecessary. Grand film.

Also, in "Stricly Ballroom" the scene of the pair dancing on the roof in front of the Coca-Cola sign (Lauper - Time After Time) became something past choreography.

I think your poem almost became dance in the way that dance in those scenes almost became poetry. Grace and elegance, indeed. I'm sure your grandparents were very proud.

shiv

I love the title and subject matter.
'floating above the poetry line' is compelling too.

slacker111

shiv wrote: »

I love the title and subject matter.
'floating above the poetry line' is compelling too.

it often feels like that though, doesn't it.

markw999

I rather like the first poem. Could due with some more punctuation to make the beats work better, but very nice.

slacker111

markw999 wrote: »

I rather like the first poem. Could due with some more punctuation to make the beats work better, but very nice.

ah, thx. sorry. I'm about slow lately. I ended up going back to my old blog to put up some stuff, so I hadn't really checked back.

thx for reading and your comments. I admit I'm not much for punctuation nor really caps. on rare occasion I oblige but only if meaning is totally changed without the addition.

good thing I only wish to be an unpoet, eh?

slacker111

I did a (rather partisan) bit called 'frozen sparrow love during the time of the revolution' that tangently addresses the Troubles and which stands a good possibility of annoying others.

If anyone feels an urge, it's up here:

http://hubpages.com/hub/Epitaph-frozen-sparrow-love-during-the-time-of-the-revolution

just don't whinge at me if you have the opposite politics which isn't hard to do considering no one agrees on them anyway. no one is making you read it. look at your own peril.