Best Friend turned into a total bore...

-Leelo-

Up until a few months ago my best mate was a real laugh, always up for girly nights out or even just sitting in with a few drinks, but since she got a boyfriend she never bothers her arse to make time for me or our other friends anymore. She'll tell us she's coming out with us, and then lets us down at the last minute. It's like she thinks she's too mature for us now or something just because she's going out with an older bloke (She's 20, He's 30)
It's really starting to bug me, and it's not a case of me being jealous of her having a boyfriend, because I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years, but I have ALWAYS made time for my friends.
It's not like I expect her to be with us every single night of the week, but the odd night out, say once or twice a month, isn't too much to ask is it??
Another friend and I have tried to gently broach the subject with her but she gets on the defensive and can't see anything wrong.

I feel like telling her to f**k off at this stage, but after 5 years of friendship it would be a shame. Any wise words of advice Boardsies??

Necronomicon

Well don't deliver a 'him or us' ultimatum, but do approach her again. Be friendly, appeal to her nostalgic side and tell her you miss your nights out etc.

You could try suggesting putting aside one night a week/fortnight for a 'friends only' kind of night, and if she's not willing to put one night aside then she's being fairly unreasonable.
Alternatively, suggest that she brings him out more. Are there any other guys in your group of friends? Does your bf go out with you much? She might feel better if he got to know you all.

She's going down a bad road imo, if they split then she'll have alienated all her friends.

One of my 2 best friends (of 10 years) is doing the same atm. It's not so much an issue for me as I'm not around so much, but it is for our other best friend. Being let down repeatedly, not making any time.
Tbh all we are doing is giving it time, since the bf in question is an asshole anyway so we have faith she'll see sense and come around. I suppose we've all gone through the less friend time more boyfriend time phase to some degree.
Let her know you're not happy, but maybe don't push it too much.

biko

Some people get like that when they first get a new partner. You just have to give it a few months for the first phase to pass and then she'll start coming out with you again. Do text her from time to time to ask her out even though you know she'll not come.

Wibbs

That's common in a lot of people. I would even admit that I did it to some degree when I was younger. It's a pain, but time will tell. I woudn't rely on the fact that yer mans an arse though, some women dig that(ducks).

ShawnRaven

Had it happen. Last few months all this person did was bitch and complain. Ended in an argument. Sh*t happens. If you've other friends, hang out with those for a bit and see what happens.

VR!

foxface

Necromomicon wrote: »

Well don't deliver a 'him or us' ultimatum, but do approach her again. Be friendly, appeal to her nostalgic side and tell her you miss your nights out etc.

You could try suggesting putting aside one night a week/fortnight for a 'friends only' kind of night, and if she's not willing to put one night aside then she's being fairly unreasonable.
Alternatively, suggest that she brings him out more. Are there any other guys in your group of friends? Does your bf go out with you much? She might feel better if he got to know you all.

She's going down a bad road imo, if they split then she'll have alienated all her friends.

+1

whiskeyman

As others have said, this happens a lot at the start of relationships. It can especially be the case if they don't see much during the week and want the cherish they get time at the weekend. She obviously have those rose tinted glasses on and just can't bare to be without him, but she should still get a few nights out with you, especially coming up to Christmas.

py2006

I have been the victim of this myself on a couple occasions! I had to pester a friend to start coming out for drinks again! But now it feels like this friend only comes out to humour me and would rather stay at home in front of the tv with his better half!

I think the best way to handle it, if you keep getting let down, is to cease contact for a while. Let her do the whole love crap with her boyfriend. Eventually, she will start to wonder why she isn't invited out anymore and the penny will drop!

Then you can have a talk to her about how you feel.

Cathmandooo

Going through something very similar at the moment. A male friend of mine I used to text all day everyday, we'd usually go to the cinema mid week and would be out drinking with the gang on the weekend. He got a girlfriend, she gave out to him for dancing with his female friends :rolleyes: and now I've seen the guy once in the last 3 months and rarely hear from him.

It sucks but theres nothing you can do about it. After me initiating contact a good few times in a row i've given up bothering. I'll always be friends with him if he wants it but I'm not going out of my way anymore to talk or include him in anything. I'm sure he'll learn....

ShawnRaven

Cathooo wrote: »

It sucks but theres nothing you can do about it. After me initiating contact a good few times in a row i've given up bothering. I'll always be friends with him if he wants it but I'm not going out of my way anymore to talk or include him in anything. I'm sure he'll learn....

See this folks... this is the correct answer
VR!

LegacyUser

You've stumbled onto the horrible truth of the matter - for a lot of girls (not all, before some wench throws a hissy fit!) attaining a boyfriend is the be all and end all of their existance. So you, to your friend, are fairly inconsequential at the moment. As soon as she breaks up with her boyfriend she'll come crawling back, and she genuinely won't understand why ye'r so reluctant to take her back. Such is life.