What do you make of it

LegacyUser

Folks-

I really dont know what to do about my GF and I need your imput as to how you would react to her behaviour.

Background- She's polish and I have been seeing her since August and am smitten, with a very large but. I am a warm, cuddley, generous kinda guy and I find her independant to the point of being rude and inconsiderate.

So, things escalate on Friday night and we say one or two things which are cultural no no's in our respective countries and, at the moment, I am waiting for her to make up her mind whether she wants to be with me or not.

What bugs the f*ck outta me, is that while both of us made a serious blunder in what we said, she accepts no share of the blame and expects me to simply wait till she makes her mind up and basically grovel. My mates, family etc say I have already put up with enough and she has no respect for me and that I should dump her.

So, the bit you have been waiting for. Why is she rude and inconsiderate? Monday night I drive 125Km to talk to her about our issues. We go out for dinner, come home and she surfs the web for the next two hours, with me bored out of my box. We were in Poland a few weeks back and I spent the weekend talking to myself as she was busy, as she said, talking sh*te to her mates with few invites to join conversations. I invite her to my house a few weeks back and after lavishing her with food, drink, massages etc she spends an hour on the phone to one of her mates while in the bed beside me. Her phone is constantly in her hand, save for when I contact her. I try to make sexual advances and have frequently been told "can I finish my what I am saying please" or, if in the pub I get "dont kiss me. There are people watching". She makes no advances on me in bed, but is quite happy to receive sex when I make the effort (all the time). Three months and I havent had her touch me yet. Oh yes, and when I try to speak to her about these things I get told to stop making problems.

Now, this is a woman who's six year BF does the dirt on her for two years and the last boyfriend makes no effort for the last year of the relationship. Knowing what I do of male psychology, a guy f*cks around if he isnt getting what he wants in the sack or he feels he isnt being listened to. A guy also stops making any effort with his woman because he feels she doesnt listen to or care about what he says, so whats the point. She said the ex feels she destroyed his self confidence and I am beginning to see his point.

Now, I am not asking for advice here. I have done my own analysis and figure I am not beeing a needy pr*ck, I just find her manner extraordinary for someone who says they hold you near and dear. Rather than being a cultural thing, I dont think she actually knows how to please anyone else besides herself. As far as she is concerned, she is happy out with me.

So, given the above, would you stay in a relationship with that sort of person or am I just being a needy pr*ck??

Ta for listenin.

Ivor Largebottom-

MagicMarker

Leave. It really is so simple.

LegacyUser

i agree. i think your personalities appear to clash too much. she sounds strong willed and stubborn and because of these qualities, i dont think shell change.

Slow Motion

I have only heard your side of the story, so I am going to assume all you say is true, and as such I think you know the answer, move on ! Frankly I'm surprised you need to ask the question.

justsomebloke

MagicMarker wrote: »

Leave. It really is so simple.

I have to agree it really is that simple it is time to leave

seamus

Yeah, no question of that one really. She's milking you for everything you'll give. Tell her to hit the road.

paulusdu

I'm with everyone else on this, it sounds like one way traffic.
If you are happy enough to put up with it, then fair enough, but if it were me, and i had tried to talk about things and gotten the responses you say, then i would pull the plug and say goodbye, enjoy your phone.

Necronomicon

WTF to think wrote: »

at the moment, I am waiting for her to make up her mind whether she wants to be with me or not.

Don't give her the satisfaction of making the decision.

I don't think it's a cultural thing, a friend of mine was dating a Polish girl who, by all accounts, was really lovely. This is just down to an obnoxious personality by the sounds of things.

So, given the above, would you stay in a relationship with that sort of person

Not in a million years.

By reading your post it sounds like you're dying to get out, so I would do just that.

LegacyUser

I hear ye, I hear ye, I do. Snag is that she is the ONLY woman I have ever met that makes my heart explode in my chest. (Sappy c*nt I know).

Hence, I wonder as to how much patience to extend to her.

Séamus- it does strike me that she has a bit of a princess complex, probably based on the fact that she is stunningly attractive. Sort of a cross between Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz, and no, I joke not. I doubt very much if any man has ever said no to her or told her where to get off with herself as I did last week.

Anyways, I am off to see her on tomorrow to try and sort this out. If she is interested in having a realtionship as opposed to there being one way traffic, great. If not, adios.

Cheers.

Ivor Largebottom-

tbh

why are you with her? Serious question.

*Lees*

Your waiting for her to make the decision if she wants to be with you or not??? :eek: Tell her to be on her merry way!! Why are you still with her???

Vegeta

Doesn't matter she's Polish, she is just being plain rude.

You have obviously tried to improve things and she asks you to "stop making problems"

I would be gone anyway, please don't be one of the "I can fix her" people and drive yourself into depression in a relationship without someone who is just simply not suitable for you.

She may have a low sex drive and that's fair enough, just put it down to being incompatible and move on i'd say

Miss Fluff

WTF to think wrote: »

So, the bit you have been waiting for. Why is she rude and inconsiderate? Monday night I drive 125Km to talk to her about our issues. We go out for dinner, come home and she surfs the web for the next two hours, with me bored out of my box.

Tata love.

She is seriously playing you for a fool. I wouldn't actually go to the bother of dumping her, just ignore her/calls/texts from hereonin.

davyjose

tbh wrote: »

why are you with her? Serious question.

Exactly. OP, perhaps you should look into the male psychology of why you are with her.

m83

Miss Fluff wrote: »

Tata love.

She is seriously playing you for a fool. I wouldn't actually go to the bother of dumping her, just ignore her/calls/texts from hereonin.

+1

i like your style. Get rid of her OP.

Dalfiatach

Yeah, why are you bothering?

It's nothing to do with being Polish, she's just a lazy selfish cow. What exactly do you think you are getting out of this arrangement?

I use the word "arrangement" because this is clearly not a healthy relationship.

SarahSassy

this is not good enough. Let her off...

vorbis

LEAVE MAN!

I go out with a Thai girl and if she tried to disrepect me due to "cultural differences" I would let her know about it!! Thankfully she doesn't.

That part about the trip to Poland sounds horrible. Thats a dumping offence by itself!

Clare Bear

Thankyou and Goodnight! No offence, but are you a man or a mouse? Why are you putting up with this crap?!!

Capt'n Midnight

Been through something similar, unless things are visibly improving get out now.

Gyalist

WTF to think wrote: »

Now, this is a woman who's six year BF does the dirt on her for two years and the last boyfriend makes no effort for the last year of the relationship. Knowing what I do of male psychology, a guy f*cks around if he isnt getting what he wants in the sack or he feels he isnt being listened to. A guy also stops making any effort with his woman because he feels she doesnt listen to or care about what he says, so whats the point. She said the ex feels she destroyed his self confidence and I am beginning to see his point.

So you know her previous relationship history and yet you believe that you can "fix" her? Are you a glutton for punishment? Does what you wrote above not set off alarm bells in your mind?

I'd cut all contact with her immediately without even the courtesy of an explanation as she doesn't deserve one. Not only that, I'd completely ignore any attempts by her to contact me.

You might also want to revisit your understanding of male psychology because it's not quite right.

MAKE MY DAY

In the words of the song bye bye baby , baby goodbye ......You don't deserve that rubbish she has no respect for you or regard for your feelings. I have to agree with everyone else why wait for her to make up her mind , get out now.

spinandscribble

make up her mind? hello anyone in there? dump her you havnt been able to say one positive thing about her.

biko

Have sex one last time, say goodbye and delete her number.

beans

Ask yourself 'Am I willing to settle for this?'

Then make up your own mind, no one on this forum can do that for you. Good luck whatever you decide

Having said that... I wouldn't stick around in your circumstances

Jimmy Bottlehead

biko wrote: »

Have sex one last time, say goodbye and delete her number.

+1

Do it one last time, tell her she was a crap shag, and leave with a smirk on your face. Bonus points if it's your place, so you can tell her to get out right after

dudara

Constructive posts please people.

dudara

Wibbs

Give up on the idea you can "fix" her. Never gonna happen. Just because you treat her better than exes doesn't mean she's gonna change, appreciate it or stick around. Maybe she was with those exes precisely because she liked that behaviour or at least felt comfortable in that. I would say, like the majority here, get out now. It's going to hurt of course, as you like/love her, but it;'s not doing you any good.

estar

So, the bit you have been waiting for. Why is she rude and inconsiderate? Monday night I drive 125Km to talk to her about our issues. We go out for dinner, come home and she surfs the web for the next two hours, with me bored out of my box. We were in Poland a few weeks back and I spent the weekend talking to myself as she was busy, as she said, talking sh*te to her mates with few invites to join conversations. I invite her to my house a few weeks back and after lavishing her with food, drink, massages etc she spends an hour on the phone to one of her mates while in the bed beside me. Her phone is constantly in her hand, save for when I contact her. I try to make sexual advances and have frequently been told "can I finish my what I am saying please" or, if in the pub I get "dont kiss me. There are people watching". She makes no advances on me in bed, but is quite happy to receive sex when I make the effort (all the time). Three months and I havent had her touch me yet. Oh yes, and when I try to speak to her about these things I get told to stop making problems.


where is the enjoyment here.

estar

WTF to think wrote: »

I hear ye, I hear ye, I do. Snag is that she is the ONLY woman I have ever met that makes my heart explode in my chest. (Sappy c*nt I know).

Hence, I wonder as to how much patience to extend to her.

Séamus- it does strike me that she has a bit of a princess complex, probably based on the fact that she is stunningly attractive. Sort of a cross between Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz, and no, I joke not. I doubt very much if any man has ever said no to her or told her where to get off with herself as I did last week.

Anyways, I am off to see her on tomorrow to try and sort this out. If she is interested in having a realtionship as opposed to there being one way traffic, great. If not, adios.

Cheers.

Ivor Largebottom-

you are solely focused on her looks. you would rather have a good looking
b*tch who treats you like crap then a kind woman who might respect you
and might not look as good.

that my friend, is pretty sad.

relationships are more than
just looking at someone and saying wow. grow up.

Wibbs

Exactly Estar has hit the nail on the head. Clearly a selfish person who has little affection for you. Life is too short to put up with loopers.

thebiggestjim

I don't fully agree its not a cultural thing.

I lived with a Polish guy for a year abroad, decent guy he has come to Ireland to visit since and I would trust him a lot. I met a few Polish women through him, dated one briefly:eek:
So my point is, I did notice the behavior the OP is talking about in some of them. Not only the one I dated but also friends. The behavior im talking about is if something is not going their way or something is upsetting them they take it out on you/others to the point of rudeness.

small example:
My polish mates girlfriend comes visiting to Ireland. I know her pretty well, she is a nice girl. I invite her to my home to stay for a few nights. She asks can a polish friend who is living in Ireland come stay also. No problem says I. So Polish friend has to travel some distance by bus to get to my place. I pick her up in town. She is upset about something like the bus journey or having to wait in town I forget exactly. She will barely speak to me or say thank you when I give her tea and is downright rude. Thats me who has gone out of his way for this person I dont even know. Now I had seen this behavior in other Polish, mainly girls but that is the gender I met the most, before so I said I would give her some time to warm up a little. She did later after I cracked a few jokes and she forgot about her upsetting experience. I don't think she realised how close she came to getting kicked out.


Back to your prob OP, I personally don't think her attitude will change. They have been brought up in a different culture and its not going to change. The question is do you want to keep dealing with this behavior longterm?

Jim

missmatty

I know a guy going out with a Polish girl and she's the same, quite rude, doesn't make an effort much with his family or friends (occasionally when she's in the humour).
They're engaged now. Once he was at a family funeral (his) with her and she made a big fuss about wanting to go home early so he brought her home and missed all the drinks etc afterwards etc. Like wtf.

neuro-praxis

If you base a relationship on looks frankly I think this is what you can expect.

If she was less physically attractive you would never have gotten in this deep. Try choosing your partner based on qualities next time.

Lockstep

WTF to think wrote: »

Folks-

I really dont know what to do about my GF and I need your imput as to how you would react to her behaviour.

Background- She's polish and I have been seeing her since August and am smitten, with a very large but. I am a warm, cuddley, generous kinda guy and I find her independant to the point of being rude and inconsiderate.

So, things escalate on Friday night and we say one or two things which are cultural no no's in our respective countries and, at the moment, I am waiting for her to make up her mind whether she wants to be with me or not.

What bugs the f*ck outta me, is that while both of us made a serious blunder in what we said, she accepts no share of the blame and expects me to simply wait till she makes her mind up and basically grovel. My mates, family etc say I have already put up with enough and she has no respect for me and that I should dump her.

So, the bit you have been waiting for. Why is she rude and inconsiderate? Monday night I drive 125Km to talk to her about our issues. We go out for dinner, come home and she surfs the web for the next two hours, with me bored out of my box. We were in Poland a few weeks back and I spent the weekend talking to myself as she was busy, as she said, talking sh*te to her mates with few invites to join conversations. I invite her to my house a few weeks back and after lavishing her with food, drink, massages etc she spends an hour on the phone to one of her mates while in the bed beside me. Her phone is constantly in her hand, save for when I contact her. I try to make sexual advances and have frequently been told "can I finish my what I am saying please" or, if in the pub I get "dont kiss me. There are people watching". She makes no advances on me in bed, but is quite happy to receive sex when I make the effort (all the time). Three months and I havent had her touch me yet. Oh yes, and when I try to speak to her about these things I get told to stop making problems.

Now, this is a woman who's six year BF does the dirt on her for two years and the last boyfriend makes no effort for the last year of the relationship. Knowing what I do of male psychology, a guy f*cks around if he isnt getting what he wants in the sack or he feels he isnt being listened to. A guy also stops making any effort with his woman because he feels she doesnt listen to or care about what he says, so whats the point. She said the ex feels she destroyed his self confidence and I am beginning to see his point.

Now, I am not asking for advice here. I have done my own analysis and figure I am not beeing a needy pr*ck, I just find her manner extraordinary for someone who says they hold you near and dear. Rather than being a cultural thing, I dont think she actually knows how to please anyone else besides herself. As far as she is concerned, she is happy out with me.

So, given the above, would you stay in a relationship with that sort of person or am I just being a needy pr*ck??

Ta for listenin.

Ivor Largebottom-

Rather than just dumping her straight away,you could spend time being as distant as possible, just to see her reaction. Then dump her
Games I know, but she's been pretty bad if your story is anthing to go by

cowzerp

if you back down now you'll be a doormat for ever, tell her your not doing that anymore and if she does not like it lump it.. seriously, either way your the winner!

light123

Hi there,

What some people here seem to miss is that she still moves you in some way, your heart. Maybe this is the feelings you get when someone is in that early stage of falling in love.

What I might do is to take some time off by myself and just sit quietly or go for longs walks, after a while, after your mind has cleared, try thinking of all the good things in being with her and all the bad things.

Then try to image being with someone who ticks ALL OF YOUR BOXES, who listens to you, who cares what you have to say, etc, etc. There is someone out there.

Also RELATIONSHIPS ARE ABOUT COMMUNICATION

Think about it.....

Fruityfriends

leave her, you deserve better, maybe give her one more chance then if she doesnt change tell her you've had enough, that you don't wanna be in a communicationless relationship, that you want some attention and you get none, its not asking for too much.. good luck with that x

spinandscribble

if the only good thing you have to say about her is shes stunning then i cant see how what you feel for her is love. i think its another part of your body speaking then your heart. i mean if this behaviour was new and she had had a complete change of personality then, yeah, but it isnt.

shes not going to change.

i worked with some polish girls. most of the ones who come here who are students over in poland, according to a polish guy i knew, are spoilt. they are, he says, seen as "going places" and this gives them a ego. some of the girls i worked with, i have tbh, spend more time trying to get everyone else do work for them. surprise surprise every last one of them were fired. your gf sounds spolit. the girls come here and have guys drooling over their excotic looks. no wonder they get away with it. i have met lovely polish girls who wouldnt dream of using their looks though.

Fanny Cradock

WTF to think wrote: »

Sort of a cross between Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz, and no, I joke not.

Maybe so. But beauty is only skin deep, no? The fact that her last two BFs either did the dirt or lost interest would suggest that, although she is a stunner, her personality leaves a lot to be desired. Maybe you can begin to understand their point.

Still, must think positive!

Lockstep

spinandscribble wrote: »

if the only good thing you have to say about her is shes stunning then i cant see how what you feel for her is love. i think its another part of your body speaking then your heart. i mean if this behaviour was new and she had had a complete change of personality then, yeah, but it isnt.

shes not going to change.

i worked with some polish girls. most of the ones who come here who are students over in poland, according to a polish guy i knew, are spoilt. they are, he says, seen as "going places" and this gives them a ego. some of the girls i worked with, i have tbh, spend more time trying to get everyone else do work for them. surprise surprise every last one of them were fired. your gf sounds spolit. the girls come here and have guys drooling over their excotic looks. no wonder they get away with it. i have met lovely polish girls who wouldnt dream of using their looks though.

I worked in Dunnes wiht a lot of Polish girls(and dudes) and they were horribly hard workers. They put most of us to shame. I mentioned that to a Polish coworker I had and he says it's drilled into them from Poland. If you have a bad work ethic there, you'll have a horribly hard time getting work. Here they are more lax but they have the same mentality

Jessica Sanders

How can you be smitten with someone who treats you like that?? Leave the bee-atch!

spinandscribble

kickoutthejams wrote: »

I worked in Dunnes wiht a lot of Polish girls(and dudes) and they were horribly hard workers. They put most of us to shame. I mentioned that to a Polish coworker I had and he says it's drilled into them from Poland. If you have a bad work ethic there, you'll have a horribly hard time getting work. Here they are more lax but they have the same mentality

yeah the polish guy i worked with and his gf were like that. the girls who were in my place didnt have much work put down on their cvs as i was in the office and had to go through them. i guess we had a few of the d4 equilent of the polish lol

hope the op has come to his senses

axer

You will meet nice people, c'unts and everything in between in every country in the world.

OP: You are smitten by her looks. She treats you like sh'it. See sense. Good luck.

Seraphina

as far as i can see this is another guy totally 'smitten' because some gorgeous girl has showed him some vague attention and he likes to think she cares about him.

she obviously has no respect for you, dump her ffs!

and men complain that girls are always with the good looking assholes? it swings both ways!

LegacyUser

it hurts, it realy hurts but so does pulling out a splinter. she is doing you harm and worst of all will dump you any time a better deal comes along. bet half the time you were in Poland she was talking about what a sap you are while you sat their lapping it up.