Strange Behaviour - need male advice??

LungeLady · 28-11-2007 2:06pm #1

Okay, I started seeing a guy about 6 weeks ago ,,,,,,,,, everything was going fine until last week, where I pretty much heard nothing from him at all ,,,,,, so I bit the bullet and text him to ask did he want to fin things ? He wrote back that he was simply p*ssed off that week and was pretty much ignoring everybody that it was nothing personal and then proceeded to ask to meet up again - which we did,,,,,,,,,, a few days have passed and again i've heard nothing frm him again - What is going on ?? I really don;t mind if he wants to call it off, however I do appreciate someone being straight with me, I am way past the imature age of blanking etc........ I am starting to think this guy is simply using me when he is in the humour to go out ,,,,,,,, or is he just moody ??

BaZmO* · 28-11-2007 2:08pm

Booty Call?

LungeLady · 28-11-2007 2:22pm

I suspect that is exactly what it is ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

BaZmO* · 28-11-2007 2:24pm

Well there ya go. That's your answer unfortunately.

badbrian · 28-11-2007 2:28pm

Men are from Mars.... gave me a good insight into this. While the woman might want to talk about a problem she is having with friends/partner a man will often want to just go to his "cave" and work it out himself. The last thing we want is to have our partner waiting impatiently outside the cave for us.
Wait until he is ready to explain to you what the problem is, might just be he is stressed at work, then re-appraise.

Hope it helps.

BB

BaZmO* · 28-11-2007 2:38pm

badbrian wrote: »

Men are from Mars.... gave me a good insight into this. While the woman might want to talk about a problem she is having with friends/partner a man will often want to just go to his "cave" and work it out himself. The last thing we want is to have our partner waiting impatiently outside the cave for us.
Wait until he is ready to explain to you what the problem is, might just be he is stressed at work, then re-appraise.

Hope it helps.

BB

I'm sorry but Men are from Earth and women are from Earth too. I could understand the reasoning behind that pop psychology if they were in a long term relationship but not if they're going out for such a short period of time.

Although I will add one thing OP, if you were going out with him for 6 weeks and then didn't hear from him, why couldn't you have just rang him a day or 2 into not hearing from him?

Fajitas! · 28-11-2007 2:38pm

badbrian wrote: »

While the woman might want to talk about a problem she is having with friends/partner a man will often want to just go to his "cave" and work it out himself. The last thing we want is to have our partner waiting impatiently outside the cave for us.
Wait until he is ready to explain to you what the problem is, might just be he is stressed at work, then re-appraise.

Exactly. And tbh, if I'm feeling off, due to any reason, and my partner started texting me to know if I wanted to call off our relationship, it would be pretty frustrating. That's probably the last thing he wants a text about.

vandermeyde · 28-11-2007 2:41pm

if he's getting the ride of you, it sounds like you're in booty call territory.

it's early doors for him to have lost interest otherwise, as he should be still in Alpha male mode after only 6 weeks.

AngryBadger · 28-11-2007 2:54pm

vandermeyde wrote: »

it's early doors for him to have lost interest otherwise, as he should be still in Alpha male mode after only 6 weeks.

Agreed.

Also, 6 weeks, not a long time, are ye even "officially" a couple?

boardinwork · 28-11-2007 3:26pm

Have you had sex yet?

Seraphina · 28-11-2007 3:31pm

jesus way to jump to conclusions and over act!
he hasn't not 'been straight' with you yet. you asked him the story, he responded, you went out again. maybe he's just busy?

its not strange behaviour at all ffs, you're just over analysing.

LungeLady · 28-11-2007 3:35pm

yes is the answer,,,,,,,,,,, It is early days etc ,,,,,,,,, The reason I text him to see if he wanted to call it a day was because I had text him and mailed him early in the week and I heard nothing back ,,,,,,,,,, so I had made my mind up just to leave things be, when my mate convinced me after a few drink to text and ask for clarification ,,,,,,,,,,, I don't seem to be any the wiser now !

John Mason · 28-11-2007 3:43pm

listen to the guys, not the girls ........we dont understand the male brain.

the general feeling is that you are just a booty call. get on with your life and if he is interested he will get back, if not, well what have you lost?

Cathmandooo · 28-11-2007 3:46pm

Argh I hate when guys do this, its so confusing!!! My last 'ex' was sick for a while (man flu) and got all distant and remained distant even when he got better! For a few weeks I asked him a few times is everything ok with us, he always said its fine but wud then go distant again. We broke up after about 3 weeks of this, only after a 2 month stint! It didnt bother me that we broke up, I took it well, sometimes it just doesnt work, but man it drove me up the walls that he was distant with me!

From past experience I'd dump him immediately. If I hadnt the previous experience I'd give him a timeframe in your head that if he doesnt show anymore interest in you then let him go and dont look back.

humanji · 28-11-2007 3:48pm

irishbird wrote: »

listen to the guys, not the girls ........we dont understand the male brain.

the general feeling is that you are just a booty call. get on with your life and if he is interested he will get back, if not, well what have you lost?

In fairness, if he's just having a shìtty couple of weeks, give him a break. You never know what's going on with him. Have you tried asking him what's wrong?

LegacyUser · 28-11-2007 3:49pm

ive noticed from your posts that you only seem to text each other but have you rang him at all? because i think the only real way to settle this is to call him and ask him out straight. texts arent a good means of communication and certainly not the best way to ask someone as serious a question as 'do you want to end this?'.

you cant discuss things over texts so just ring him.

Blackpitts · 28-11-2007 3:55pm

I think he is not really interested in this, ignoring you it's the easiest way he picked to make you realize that.

You'd better move on.

LungeLady · 28-11-2007 3:56pm

he kinda said what was up ,,,,,,,,,, said he was a bit down in himself.....

BaZmO* · 28-11-2007 3:56pm

Ok, so when you met up after the last bit of time when he was "simply p*ssed off" and just wanted to be on his own did you involve yourself in a bit of Mattress dancing together?

And if you did, have you had any contact since, either you texting/ringing him or vice versa?

Drummerboy2 · 28-11-2007 4:01pm

Sounds like he wants you to break it off with him as he can't face the thought of doing it himself.

vandermeyde · 28-11-2007 4:03pm

if he was down in himself, surely he'd be looking to the cutie he's only been seeing for a few weeks to cheer him up??

He's not interested so stops initiating contact...you texted him....he was at a loose end so said what the hey and gets a night out of it....no contact...you contact him again..."sorry, I was a bit down"...what you doing at the weekend...wham, bam thank you ma'am...you'll hear nothing again until you go chasing him....repeat until you get bored or he meets someone else...

Not worth it my dear. I bet if you look back over the last six weeks that it'll nearly always have been you initiating the contact.

Move on and get someone who's properly interested in you.

Lux23 · 28-11-2007 4:03pm

Maybe he is down so let him know that you are there if he wants to talk you but otherwise say you wil give him space. If he likes you he will contact you again, if not well then you still have your dignity. Oh and I would ring him rather then text.

sobriquet · 28-11-2007 4:27pm

+1 to Seraphina and Humanjis' posts. There's a huge amount of assumption in many of the replies so far.

I lost someone a little while ago - long enough ago that I do sometimes feel like I should be getting back to normal, but I can't. The cloud is always there, more or less, and it just doesn't seem to go away. My friends know to leave me be when I'm down as that's how I prefer it. To most people I must seem very distant and standoffish.

Point being, OP, that there's plenty of reasons he could be down, and we all deal with it in different ways, maybe by getting closer to some people, or more distant from everyone. You only know him six weeks - I wouldn't be opening up with anyone after that short a timeframe. Don't jump to conclusions.

Clare Bear · 28-11-2007 4:52pm

vandermeyde wrote: »

if he was down in himself, surely he'd be looking to the cutie he's only been seeing for a few weeks to cheer him up??

He's not interested so stops initiating contact...you texted him....he was at a loose end so said what the hey and gets a night out of it....no contact...you contact him again..."sorry, I was a bit down"...what you doing at the weekend...wham, bam thank you ma'am...you'll hear nothing again until you go chasing him....repeat until you get bored or he meets someone else...

Not worth it my dear. I bet if you look back over the last six weeks that it'll nearly always have been you initiating the contact.
Move on and get someone who's properly interested in you.

Bingo!

Tusky · 28-11-2007 5:44pm

Has it gotten to the stage that if you get an unanswered text message it means the relationship is over ?

John Mason · 28-11-2007 5:56pm

humanji wrote: »

In fairness, if he's just having a shìtty couple of weeks, give him a break. You never know what's going on with him. Have you tried asking him what's wrong?

if a guy wants to be with you, he will be with you no matter what. men are not like girls, they dont over think things. they do or forget

Miss Fluff · 28-11-2007 6:28pm

You can't jump into his brain so I'd just get on with things and assume whatever you had was over. If he doesn't contact you then at least you've gone about your business and had some fun. If he does, see how you feel at the time. It's only 6 weeks, unless you are mad about him then I wouldn't lose too much sleep, sometimes these things just fizzle out, not everything finishes with grand statements and emotional scenes. If you are happy enough to let it go and if he contacts you again, sure, see how you feel. Until then I wouldn't invest too much time in it.

THAT SAID. It depends on what you view this six weeks as. Was it all about sex or did you really see it going somewhere with this guy? I guess you have to adapt his behaviour to your own feelings and what you hope to achieve. If its just sex then ignore him and put a booty call through when the mood takes you. If not, then I think you need to actually TALK as opposed to communicating through text and find out what is going on so you can get an answer once and for all.

SarahSassy · 28-11-2007 6:29pm

Dont continue to indulge his ego... If he wanted to see you he would have arranged it by now. This relationship is too new to have to put up with the cr@p already.....

You sound like a nice girl. Quit the drunk texting and trust your gut.... He is just not that into you. Find someone who is. Its his loss.

machiavellianme · 28-11-2007 6:44pm

Is he a football fan? Maybe his team are doing badly?
No seriously. We normally dont string someone along unless things are easy going. If he's interested he'll contact you, if not he wont. You should probably look elsewhere though as moodiness at the start of a relationship isnt going to get much better

Talliesin · 28-11-2007 8:03pm

LungeLady wrote: »

Okay, I started seeing a guy about 6 weeks ago

The early days of a relationship are about fun, and for that matter they should be about fun - they are supposed to all pleasant dates and wild sex and good times. Later on if the relationship builds up you might be each other's confidants and help each other through hard times, but that's for later.

So, in the middle of that, he hits a bad patch. It's not fun anymore, but that's pretty much about him.

So, he's somewhere where if you were a life-partner he'd hopefully be turning to you, but you and him are still at the just-having-fun stage.

So he's at a bit of a loss as to how to be with you, it's too soon to not be a fun guy, but he's not a fun guy right now.

Where it will end up is hard to say, but I wouldn't read too much into it right now.

DublinWriter · 28-11-2007 8:16pm

badbrian wrote: »

Men are from Mars.... gave me a good insight into this.

Me too. Us guys love our caves.

But OP, as you havn't been seeing him that long, maybe there are genuine incompatibility issues around him being able to communicate? Even us cavemen manage a grunt every now and again.

sobriquet · 28-11-2007 8:26pm

irishbird wrote: »

if a guy wants to be with you, he will be with you no matter what. men are not like girls, they dont over think things. they do or forget

... wow. I nearly snarfed tea all over my keyboard. Wrong wrong wrong. I don't know where to start. Only thing to do I suppose is say: no, you're wrong. We over think things too, but when we do we don't do it out loud or inform anyone else that we're doing it, especially not women we're interested in. Will be with you no matter what? Are there any qualifications to that at all? I mean, we're people too - we have good days and bad, good moods and bad.

annmarie124 · 28-11-2007 8:37pm

do yourself a favour and forget about him. there is some guy out there that will be bothered to Ring you and not text you. u are better than this

Jimmy Bottlehead · 28-11-2007 8:45pm

irishbird wrote: »

if a guy wants to be with you, he will be with you no matter what. men are not like girls, they dont over think things. they do or forget

Not true, guys can think over stuff as much as women. Not a very fair generalisation statement!:)

axer · 29-11-2007 7:50am

LungeLady wrote: »

Okay, I started seeing a guy about 6 weeks ago ,,,,,,,,, everything was going fine until last week, where I pretty much heard nothing from him at all ,,,,,, so I bit the bullet and text him to ask did he want to fin things ? He wrote back that he was simply p*ssed off that week and was pretty much ignoring everybody that it was nothing personal and then proceeded to ask to meet up again - which we did,,,,,,,,,, a few days have passed and again i've heard nothing frm him again - What is going on ?? I really don;t mind if he wants to call it off, however I do appreciate someone being straight with me, I am way past the imature age of blanking etc........ I am starting to think this guy is simply using me when he is in the humour to go out ,,,,,,,, or is he just moody ??

Whats with all the texting. Why not just ring him to find out the story. Texting is so unreliable in that there can be 100's of reasons why someone might not text back.

annmarie124 wrote:

do yourself a favour and forget about him. there is some guy out there that will be bothered to Ring you and not text you. u are better than this

She is the one that texted him - should he look for a girl "that will be bothered to Ring [him] and not text [him]"!!! :eek:

OP: This guy could be just down in himself at the moment or he could be playing you - you need to figure that one out yourself. If he is down in himself do you think you could put up with it as a regular occurrence? There could be a good reason for it at the moment.

Call him and ask him out straight. That way you get your answer there and then.

Reku · 30-11-2007 8:10am

Jimmy Bottlehead wrote: »

Not true, guys can think over stuff as much as women. Not a very fair generalisation statement!:)

In fact logic loops (since guys are supposedly all logical and unfeeling) are just as easy to get stuck in as emotional ones, sometimes life just has no answers, easy or otherwise.:(

To the OP though, to be honest it is quite possible that he is really just down in the doldrums and doesn't want to expose you to his foul mood and ruin the glamourised, prince charming image you may have of him at this early stage in the relationship. That said however the fact that he is not at least replying to your texts, even if means waiting until the end of the day to do so, leaves me thinking he's not that interested in a relationship with you. Even a simple, "sorry I'm not really in the mood to talk, will get back to you" would be something at least.

Strange Behaviour - need male advice??

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