Signs!!

LegacyUser

Hey, just looking for some opinions preferably from men…

I know men are notoriously bad at picking up signs that women are interested in them but what would this scenario tell you..

I work with a guy that I really really fancy. We get along great and are always making each other laugh etc. I wanted him to
know that I like him as more than just a work buddy but didn’t wanna ask him out directly for lots of reasons such as – fear of
rejection, fear of things being awkward at work, lack of signs that he likes me in that way and therefore lack of confidence.

Anyway, it was his birthday on Monday and I know that he loves galaxy chocolate cause he eats it all the time so in the morning I left
a giant galaxy on his desk. Mid morning he came over to me to offer me some chocolate and said, really chuffed ‘Somebody left a giant galaxy
on my desk!’. When I told him it was from me for his birthday he got all coy and blushed. It was quite sweet. Then, yesterday I had some
really lovely grass with me so I rolled a joint for after lunch (please nobody lecture me on the perils of smoking weed!!) and I emailed
saying ‘ about to go out and smoke a spliff if you’re interested’. He mailed back saying that he’d love to but was so busy and needed to
keep his head clear. Fair enough but if he liked me wouldn’t he have come out with me anyway and even just had a cigarette (he smokes both btw).
If he asked me to go for a smoke, I’d go no matter how busy I was cause I fancy him which leads me to think he mustn’t fancy me. Womens
logic is so crazy sometimes though hence needing some male opinions!!

My question really is, if he liked me surely he’d know by now that I like him and that I wouldn’t shoot him down if he asked me out so he
couldn’t possibly be interested, right?

Do you think I’ve made it clear enough that I like him without being too forward or pushy? Do you think he realises that I like him and that
I’m not just being friendly??

I know I sound like a kid asking all this but I’m just curious. I’m 27 as it happens and he’s 32.

Thanks for reading..

magick

perhaps he was really busy ?

Besides dont hang around waiting for him to make a move , Fortune favours the bold !

So try and find out one afternoon if hes doing anything and go for a friendly "after work" ie no pressure ,drink and take it from there!

boardinwork

Is that Mary?

prendy

exactly..make the first move.
ask him does he wanna go for a drink after work..something casual.

vandermeyde

you used work email to ask a colleague out for a spliff yet you're afraid to ask them out for a drink lest things might get awkward in work??

If you like the guy, ask him out.

Don't use work email to ask someone to share illegal substances with you unless you want them to be an ex-colleague :eek:

Marksie

boardinwork: Read the charter as regards off topic posting.

I think OP he very much has the idea that you are interested, but you could take it further and ask him out for a drink.

Though what intruiges me is that you can smoke weed at work!

Sleepy

OP, I love a joint as much if not more than most but I'd never smoke in work so I certainly wouldn't read anything into that. His reaction to the bar of chocolate would indicate he likes you but is the shy type. Feel the fear of rejection and ask him out anyway. Life isn't tried etc.

red_ice

Galaxy123 wrote: »

Then, yesterday I had some
really lovely grass with me so I rolled a joint for after lunch (please nobody lecture me on the perils of smoking weed!!) and I emailed
saying ‘ about to go out and smoke a spliff if you’re interested’. He mailed back saying that he’d love to but was so busy and needed to
keep his head clear.

Maybe he knows that in work your emails are monitored and that by rights you should be fired for smoking weed on the job. So he said no to cover his back...

How Strange

maybe he likes you but knows that being caught smoking weed in work would get him sacked.

Lola123

red_ice wrote: »

Maybe he knows that in work your emails are monitored and that by rights you should be fired for smoking weed on the job. So he said no to cover his back...

+1

Drummo

The chronic sh1t has you paranoid - just go for it!

Femelade

You say he hasnt given you any sign that he fanices you and you want people to tell you if he does or not, despite the lack of signs....
he doesnt fancy you..he has shown no signs that he does.

*Lees*

I doubt very much that he said no because he was afraid of getting caught smoking weed and loosing his job! By the way the OP said it, looks to me like this is something they do regularly! When did she state "work email", she didn't! She said she emailed him, could have been yahoo! Gmail or whatever!!! She said he smokes cigarettes also so she is asking if he fancied her wouldn't he have went anyway even if he was busy???
Galaxy123 I wouldn't read too much into the smoke situtation! He could have been just under pressure or something! Men aren't as tactile as women either so he probably didn't see it as a chance of spending time with you... he probably just didn't feel like having a smoke!!!!!!

sobriquet

Galaxy123 wrote: »

I like him as more than just a work buddy but didn’t wanna ask him out directly for lots of reasons such as – fear of
rejection, fear of things being awkward at work, lack of signs that he likes me in that way and therefore lack of confidence.

If he does like you, he's thinking the exact same thing as this. Women seem to think we menfolk have the determination of bulldozers and if we liked you we'd just say so and ask you out. Well, we don't, for plenty of reasons. Those signs (buying a bar of chocolate for his birthday, offering him a joint) are ambiguous - in another universe there's a you who isn't attracted to him but is still likely to do those things just because you're friends and get on well. Besides, what signs are you looking for from him? He could be doing things completely outside his normal range of interaction and thinking he's giving off signs and hints and whatever else.

Point is, you don't know, and some complicated system of semaphore and handshakes won't help. So suck it up and invite him for a drink. If he says no then it'll only be awkward if you let it be.

Oh, and +1 to the posts about the idiocy of mailing people offering joints. You didn't use company mail did you? Hopefully it was webmail at least.

ali.c

Galaxy123 wrote: »

Hey, just looking for some opinions preferably from men…

I know men are notoriously bad at picking up signs that women are interested in them but what would this scenario tell you..

To be fair, if you go up to him and ask him out then its unlikely it'll misunderstand your intentions. I dont necessarily think that men are bad at picking up on signals its just usually they get a lot of mixed messages.

If you like the guy, stop faffing around and go up and ask him out. You apparantely already have some form of a relationship with him and are on speaking/mailing terms.

Plus this way you get an answer as to whether he is interested or not.

If i had of been in your situation i would of invited him for a b-day drink or something.

As for smoking weed in work well its a bit stupid tbh so +1 to all those posts

Iago

Femmy wrote: »

You say he hasnt given you any sign that he fanices you and you want people to tell you if he does or not, despite the lack of signs....
he doesnt fancy you..he has shown no signs that he does.

I disagree..

they talk, get on well, he came over to her desk and offered her chocolate.

I worked with my wife for nearly two years before we started seeing each other, and it turns out that although we both fancied each other all that time, neither of us was sure what the other one thought. There were other reasons nothing could happen as well, but even when there were no obstacles we never picked up on it.

A chance email about a concert led to us meeting for a drink and 17 months later we're happily married and still joking about it. I was only 4 weeks from leaving the company when we eventually went out so think what I could have missed.

Just ask him for a drink, he'll say yes or no but at least you'll know one way or the other.

LegacyUser

*Lees* wrote: »

I doubt very much that he said no because he was afraid of getting caught smoking weed and loosing his job! By the way the OP said it, looks to me like this is something they do regularly! When did she state "work email", she didn't! She said she emailed him, could have been yahoo! Gmail or whatever!!! She said he smokes cigarettes also so she is asking if he fancied her wouldn't he have went anyway even if he was busy???
Galaxy123 I wouldn't read too much into the smoke situtation! He could have been just under pressure or something! Men aren't as tactile as women either so he probably didn't see it as a chance of spending time with you... he probably just didn't feel like having a smoke!!!!!!

Thank you!! It was Gmail and not my work email, I'm not that stupid!! All our work emails get quarantined and i'd never talk about smoking in a work email!!

LegacyUser

One other thing and I don't mean to sound bitchy but would you all relax about the smoking at work thing! I smoke on my break in work everyday and it doesn't affect the quality of my work. I get on great with my Boss and know he's happy with my competence and capabilities. Although he probably wouldn't like me being on Boards all the time!

Seraphina

ok, im sorry, but chocolate and a joint? thats not signals, and i'll also plus one on the not smoking in work thing, i wouldn't read into that at all, he probably just didn't want to risk getting caught.

he could see this as just being friendly. i know people that buy EVERYONE birthday presents, even if its just something small.

you really should have gone for the birthday drink option, that way you could have made your intentions more clear outside a work situation.

edit : his birthday was monday? do not delay, ask today! say you were busy monday night, but that you'd like to buy him a birthday drink tonight/tomorrow/over the weekend if he wants to meet up!

AngryBadger

I don't think there's enough info here for any of us to speculate on whether or not he likes you.

I wouldn't read too much into him not coming out to partake of a spliff, unless it's a regular thing for ye to chase the dragon during the workday and it was highly irregular for him not to join in this one day?

Sounds like ye're friends already, why don't you ask him out for some kind of neutral thing. A movie or a coffee, then sound him out about it.

There's no other surefire way of knowing how he feels.

John Mason

em........just ask him out for god sake. he is says he is too busy, i will translate for you .....it means he isnt that in to you.

men dont do subtlety, so why bother trying to be subtle around him

LegacyUser

irishbird wrote: »

em........just ask him out for god sake. he is says he is too busy, i will translate for you .....it means he isnt that in to you.

men dont do subtlety, so why bother trying to be subtle around him

Emmmm...there's no need to have such an attitude about it. Asking somebody out is a hard thing to do especially when you work with them and will have to see them everyday. It's a brave move and I'm trying to work up the courage to do it. I doubt you've bravely marched up to every men you've fancied and asked them out so easily unless your super confident. Don't be such a smartarse!! Your not a genius for figuring out that men aren't subtle creatures!!

dudara

Galaxy123 irishbird is just trying to help you here. Please take a deep breath before replying. Personal abuse is not tolerated on Boards, and especially not in PI.

LegacyUser

Okay Dudara, I understand that but the tone of her response was more condescending than helpful. Seriously.