Starting from GO

LegacyUser

Hi, I work at management level in a small company. I am a totally customer focused person, working for employers who have complete disregard for the customer. I have grown to despise my job, and dread facing another day there, never mind a week. I put everything I could into getting a small staff on board, keeping them interested, and trying to build up a customer base, only to see the directors tear it all to shreds.

I have come to discover that I hate management. I am not a career focused guy, valuing quality of life over profit or material gain. I have had numerous jobs over the years, some lasting four years, some lasting just three months. In EVERY case I was working for unscrupulous people, usually with appalling staff relations and rotten pay. I put my heart and soul into whatever I do, but usually find myself disillusioned yet again within a short period with employers I quickly lose respect for. I often put in 90 and 100 hour weeks, driving myself to ill health and bad temper.

At the end of it all, I find myself 38 years old, with a nice home, a mortgage to pay (I am single), no relationship, no career path, and wondering where the last two decades went. I am blessed with reasonable health, very good humour, tons of patience, and a very caring and understanding character. I am blessed too, to HAVE a mortgage, in a day when many young couples cannot even afford that.

But getting married and having children terrifies me. While I would dearly love a steady relationship, the COST of bringing up kids today intimidates me, and as I struggle to pay even my modest mortgage, and have no luxuries in life beyond the necessities I can afford, I don't see how I could stretch to the needs of a family life.

I would dearly love to leave my job and do something COMPLETELY different. But where does a guy of 38 go to begin anew, to start afresh, when he doesn't even know WHAT he wants to do, and cannot blink without missing a mortgage payment? Are there any jobs or career paths where people are treated with respect and dignity, rather than the bald scramble for profit-at-all-costs and ride-roughshod-over-the-staff attitudes of the disciples of Bertie's Blusterland?

For personal reasons, I cannot just walk out of this country at this time, much as I have considered it. For obvious work-related reasons, I remain anonymous. I would love to know how a 38 year old guy can start afresh, find something new to do, where he might find fun and laughter and time for a life outside of work, and less of the all consuming rat race and scramble for money, without being used yet again to make other people rich at the expense of quality of life, yet stay financially afloat?

milod

From one old geezer to another - it sounds like an early-mid-life crisis!

My observations:

You probably need to work for yourself - sounds like you have very high personal standards, and nobody is ever really going to meet them to your satisfaction.

Careerwise, only you can decide what job you'd like to do, so don't do anything 'til you've had a good think about it! You either accept comfort and the reality that most jobs just pay the bills, or take a deep breath, rent your house to cover the mortgage, move back with the folks and go back to college or retraining of some sort.

As for marriage/kids, take it from me you've had a lucky escape. I love my kids and wouldn't change a thing - but they don't have to be your ultimate aim in life! there's plenty of them around, mostly badly parented, so if you're feeling paternal why not retrain as a youth leader/social worker and help the already f**ked up kids out there... [oops, End of Rant]

Marksie

From another old geezer to another lol.

reevaluating what we want is a big part of really discovering who we are. For some it never happens.
For others, like myself, it takes a big shock to jolt you out of the comfortable fuzzy state you can get yourself in.

If you dont mind i am going to use "I" for this as its direct expereince but replace with "you" if you wish

I am 43 btw and have spent the last few years totally re-evaluating what i want and who i am.
I just honestly look at myself and asked the questions directly (ok it was involved on teh particular path i am on as well but its part and parcel).

I then decided how i was going to achieve what i wanted and the steps i needed to get there and also a timescale.
In other words a plan based on what i wanted to achieve.

I also do not look back and regret any decisions good or bad i have made. Its no good doing that and will stop me looking forward. But they are lessons to be learned and any decision does not close a door but opens another path if you want to take it.

I was told recently that all this is not a mid-life crisis but people of a certain age realising that it was all B/S that society was feeding us and then deciding to step out of it.

38, 48, 58 age is pretty much immaterial. I have a friend who is giving up a comfoartable life in the states at 54 to come to ireland and another at 60 thinking of setting up her own business.
When i was a teen my 80 year old next door neighbour obtained honours in french .
Small things these but show you that remaining open, doing what you really want is achievable at ANY age. In fact moreso when you are older as you have life experience behind you. and in fact the more i think about it its the small sequential changes that make all the difference over time. and if you lok back at a point where you started you will see its radically different.

So after all that guff:
decide what you really want
make the necessary plans to do it.

Keep open to everything and flexible to change.

The latest buzzword is work / life balance divert at least some of that work energy into your personal life and things will really go places for you

LegacyUser

hi caring, good sense of humour, tons of patience. where do all the nice men hide.... check out working with young poeple, special needs, join an agency.....the money is okay and its definatly never based on anything matierialistic....great job satisfaction too.....

small

From reading your post I would say start your own business! But what would I know?

witchywoman

i know plenty of people in their mid to late 30 s who are in the same predicament. i think that at this time of year, the realisation that you are more or less alone seems to be magnified. perhaps take up a new hobby, or a holiday might be just what you need.

MagicMarker

I would also recommend starting your own business. Or working full time and doing a part time degree, with a view to starting your own business.

astraboy

You say you are customer focused. The first thing you should do is make a list of things you enjoy, and see what career paths you can choose to move into that allow you to use your strengths and what you enjoy. Another thing is to use sites on the Net like recruitIreland and Monster, just by putting up your CV you are taking the first step of moving on to a better job, and you never know who will look at your CV and call you.

Also, make a list of companies you would like to work for, and apply to these.

LegacyUser

Many thanks for all the replies! The following line from Marksie, particularly, sums up what I slowly discovered about everything my schools and families and employers ever fed me in life:

>> ...realising that it was all B/S that society was feeding us...

Yep, that about sums it all up!

Anyway, the suggestion to get involved with young people or special needs might be something, but I don't know where my abilities might best lie. How does one go about investigating this avenue? Who does one speak to? Thanks again...

CrazyNoob

What I would say
What clearly stands out is that the culture of your current company doesnt suit you.

Its hard to find people that really 'love' their job, because the culture of organisations often dont fit well with them. We all know culture but its hard to define. There are good companies out there its just hard to find them. I'm still looking.
Setting up on your own is always an option but can be difficult road

On getting involved with young people or special needs, if you could stick out your current role for another 6months why not volunteer somewhere, test the waters in that world, and if you think its for you jump into that area.

The biggest fear is moving outside of the comfort zone

LegacyUser

Old Kent Road wrote: »

Many thanks for all the replies! The following line from Marksie, particularly, sums up what I slowly discovered about everything my schools and families and employers ever fed me in life:

>> ...realising that it was all B/S that society was feeding us...

Yep, that about sums it all up!

Anyway, the suggestion to get involved with young people or special needs might be something, but I don't know where my abilities might best lie. How does one go about investigating this avenue? Who does one speak to? Thanks again...

www.volunteer.ie ...... Check that out. Don't give up on everything yet, like the last lady said there, this time of year magnifies everything that you feel insecure about to bigger things than they are. I am female in mid thirties and think the same sometimes being a "yes" manager ina male dominated and somewhat stale and stiff environment. However I have creative interests which keep me afloat and if it weren't for them I'd never survive. I didn't do the mortgage thing and may never, or may, who knows. The thing is, things can change very quickly for you. If you were to meet the right person for you the fears about all of that stuff would dissipate somewhat and in the space of two years or less you could have your first bun in the oven with someone. Thing is once you begin something that makes yuo a bit happier outside your work life, even if you're in a job you don't particularly like, you'll be shifting your focus onto the rest of what you have. It really works. You don't have to draw up huge plans, but little ones start the ball rolling. I had no creative outlet until last year I decided to try, at least try something with it, I advertised my services and before i knew it I was back involved again. One little thing can make a huge difference. Have faith and be honest with yourself as to what you want from life and what makes you tick. Best of luck from a kindred spirit.

Sleepy

Are you in the position to go out on your own OP? If your description of the company you work for is accurate I'm guessing you could take quite a few customers with you

JuliusCaesar

There are several reputable companies which do career guidance for adults. If you are in Ireland, pm me.

LegacyUser

"At the end of it all, I find myself 38 years old, with a nice home, a mortgage to pay"

Count your blessings, some 10 yen years older have not home of their own. If you don't want it sell and give money to charity

McGinty

Hi Op

Whilst there has been some excellent advice given, the thing that struck me about your post was two things; 1) the repitition of events 2) fear.

You mentioned that in every job you give 110% and every boss you have had has taken advantage or undermined things. Maybe you give too much of yourself to a company and whilst it is good to be a hard worker, customer focused, it is also essential that you are treated with respect, and the only way to obtain respect is to ensure it is given. Do you set any boundaries in relation to work? The reason I say this is whilst I have difficulty with boundaries in my personal life (this can affect any area of life) I have brilliant boundaries in my working life. I will not always work overtime even if they want me to, furthermore when I have gone for a job, I have asked will this company suit me as much as I suit them. Also, if they give me too many projects, I will only do so much, the more you do, the more they will put upon you. You need to look at the pattern that has evolved in terms of how you have been treated and grow an awareness of it, running away will not help (believe me I have spent years running away), maybe keep a journal of work events and log your frustrations, or you could get a life coach and work out goals. Do you enjoy the actual work or is it just the bosses that put you of? Are you overly pleasing people to the expense of yourself? 90-100 hours a week is a phenomenoul amount of hours, why are you driving yourself so hard, what are you running away from? I'll add one other thing, you may fear you are displeasing your bosses by setting boundaries but I know one person who worked as many hours as you did, she never got a payrise, she worked from 9am to 10pm to 'please them' finally when she left, the company was forced to employ three people to do her work. Bosses will always suit themselves, it is the way things are, you need to suit yourself to a certain degree.

The second aspect was fear, you mentioned about not being able to support a family financially, but until you try something you will never know, and believe me we don't need all that stuff we are told we need. Then again maybe the single life is more fun for you, but do you have fun Op, is it all serious, serious, serious? What of hobbies? Like other older geezers, although in my case geezette, I have given up a former career, although it was going nowhere, I asked for a payrise they ignored it so I left and signed up for an access course, I went onto UCD and I am in my final year, and applying for a masters (fingers crossed) and I love, love, love what I do, I have found a passion in life and wouldn't change the experience for the world. Was I scared? Damn right. Did I worry about money? Damn right, but guess what I also said what will be will be, and amazingly the doors all just opened for me and it was made easier. I am poorer than I would have been if I remained working but my inner life is much richer and I feel much happier.

paul_ire57

I can definitely relate to what you have gone through having recently been in a job where the staff were a means to a financial end for the 2 directors and it was like a revolving door with every staff member made to feel like **** on a regular basis and expected to work tooth and nail for the company with no real recognition given for exceptional work. If you didnt like it, they knew where the door was.

From what you have mentioned about your how you work i would assume you have made plenty of contacts in your business dealings and it would do no harm to make contact with them all and see if they have an positions open. If you are the one maintaining a good relationship with them even if the directors are not then there is a good possibility that you may get an opportunity from one of them.

However what i can say is that i have now found a job that im very happy in, so speaking from experience i know there is light at the end of the tunnel for you! Keep plugging and above all keep your head up, divert more of your time away from the life sucking bosses you have, towards more personal time and that of finding a more rewarding company to work for. As the saying goes you work to live, you dont live to work

Best of luck with it

Paul