Love is blind

LegacyUser

I was out a couple of nights ago with some people I hadn't seen in a while. Now one of the guys I know was out aswell without his girlfriend who I would be friendly more than him.

Anyways through the night he ended up with this random girl. Now this isn't the first time it has happened. In fact the first time they were going out he two timed her and she found out. Love is defintely blind when they got back together. Before they got back together he told me that she is a great girl but there is no spark so it was a big surprise for me to see them get back together.

Now granted I have a soft spot for her and it really bugs me that he treats her so flippent. I'd love to tell her what he is really like but it would break her heart and it really is none of my business especially since she went back to him a second time.

We are all in our late 20s early 30s here so its not really a game anymore. I'm questioning myself here because I want to know is the reason I want to tell her is to fool myself that she will be single again and available or do I want to take the smug look off his face as he knows I have a soft spot for her or finally because she is a great girl and deserves better. Or maybe its all 3.

Mr. Incognito

Stay out of other people's relationships or you're not going to come away clean. Expect anger and a swift box in the head.

Spud83

Either stay out of it or learn from this thread

http://boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055189672

Take a photo with the two of them hooking up in the background (make sure they are in the background), post it on a social site and see what happens.

LegacyUser

Its a tricky one. I certainly don't think that I could tell her cos it would come back on me but I rather she did find out before something like marriage is talked about.

Dr.Nightdub

OP, apologies if I'm reading too much between the lines here, but is this chance situation suddenly turning into opportunity to make her single and available again - for you?

If that's the case, and there's ulterior motives going on, then you're not simply motivated by her best interests and should probably not do anything that'd swing the outcome either way.

If you tell her about his behaviour without mentioning how you feel, it'll do her some good but do you none. If you tell her about how he's acting and also about how you're thinking, it could create tensions between youse just when she needs closeness and support from everyone around her. Is there even any way to tell her without it working out badly for her (short term at least) and / or you? Sounds like there isn't.

I really do sympathise with your situation but sometimes there simply is no right way to act without causing some hurt so maybe by not acting at all you at least minimise the hurt?

As I said, if I picked you up wrong, forgive me.

Bounty Hunter

OP does the girl know you like her that way? cos ive been in your situation before except it wasnt as hard/awkward for me. I was always straight up with the girl and she knew i liked her that way but she liked having me as a "best friend" especially cos unlike any other guy she knew i would be brutally honest with her i.e it tell her if she looked bad etc. I always disliked the guys she was with and she knew it but I never said anything bad about them to her nor did i treat them badly I was always cordial to them.

However with one guy she could tell I didnt like him at all and asked me straight up why? so i said its not really my place to say cos you know I like you but he has cheated on you andyou should know, I then directed her to ask someone else (a specific friend of mine) for more details. She asked him (she knew all my friends) and he told the story and said that i didnt want to get involved cos of my feelings for her. She was annoyed with my for some of that night (while a bit drunk) but that was it after she was grateful for my honesty.

dont know if this approach or even the story would be helpfull for you as she may not know how you feel.

LegacyUser

I've thought about it and thought about it some more and don't see it that me telling her would pave a path open for us. I think that I accpeted a while ago that we would never get it together. Not because of said boyfriend but I just couldn't see it working out. I realised that I would never be as charming as current boyfriend and to be fair he is not a bad lad. He just doesn't seam to have the respect for her that I think he should have. He is a charmer and has the women swooning for him and probally has all his life.

If I do tell her, he will know immediately it was me and that could draw a whole heap of trouble that I know I don't want and I can't think of any other way of letting her know annoymously at least not in the short term.

Just because that ship has sailed doesn't mean I wouldn't like her to be happy but I think she is living in a false happiness. The fact that he has said to me before that there is no spark after they broke up the first time leaves me with the doubts that their future is doomed and he will break her heart. I wouldn't be bussom buddies with your man or anything but we were having this converstaion about relationships and what not. Now its possible I reading too much into that statement as for me the spark is either there or it isn't. It would never just come and go.