Hopelessly in love

complexdude

Hi all first time poster! broke up with my gf of 1 year recently, ended very amicably and was a huge relief to be honest. 3 days later got a call from a girl i worked with 5 years ago and we have some history... never got it together at the time a i was seeing someone. when we broke up i made a big play for this girl but she left and went travelling the world for 5 years. i was absolutely devestated as i was hopelessly in love with her. it took me 3 years to get over her and didnt look at another girl in that time. shes back in ireland and i was surprised but delighted to hear from her. hearing her voice on the othe end of the line filled me with joy and brought back all the old feelings i had for her. shes the only girl i've ever loved. said we would meet up for a drink ( she lives in another city ) and i sent her a few drunken texts etc. she sent me a pic of herself and is absolutely stunning... however every time i try to meet up with her she has an excuse and wont mmet me. i find it rather strange and think my sending her texts has kinda scared her off a bit, as she percieves me as being too intense, which is not the case. however when i want something i go for it! i tried to meet her this week but she said she was going on a date and had family commitments on the weekend. basically she is trying to fob me off but she does have feelings for me and i suspect doesnt want me to get hurt. however not seeing her is hurting much much more... i know if we gave it a go it would be great but my problem is convincing her to take the chance. do i just play to cool or just come straight out and tell her how i feel running the risk of scaring her... i'm hopelessly in love with her and am miserable! actually i've found writing this very theraputic... thanks in advance..

Vengeance

complexdude wrote: »

Hi all first time poster! broke up with my gf of 1 year recently, ended very amicably and was a huge relief to be honest. 3 days later got a call from a girl i worked with 5 years ago and we have some history... never got it together at the time a i was seeing someone. when we broke up i made a big play for this girl but she left and went travelling the world for 5 years. i was absolutely devestated as i was hopelessly in love with her. it took me 3 years to get over her and didnt look at another girl in that time. shes back in ireland and i was surprised but delighted to hear from her. hearing her voice on the othe end of the line filled me with joy and brought back all the old feelings i had for her. shes the only girl i've ever loved. said we would meet up for a drink ( she lives in another city ) and i sent her a few drunken texts etc. she sent me a pic of herself and is absolutely stunning... however every time i try to meet up with her she has an excuse and wont mmet me. i find it rather strange and think my sending her texts has kinda scared her off a bit, as she percieves me as being too intense, which is not the case. however when i want something i go for it! i tried to meet her this week but she said she was going on a date and had family commitments on the weekend. basically she is trying to fob me off but she does have feelings for me and i suspect doesnt want me to get hurt. however not seeing her is hurting much much more... i know if we gave it a go it would be great but my problem is convincing her to take the chance. do i just play to cool or just come straight out and tell her how i feel running the risk of scaring her... i'm hopelessly in love with her and am miserable! actually i've found writing this very theraputic... thanks in advance..

I don't have that much advice to give, but i'll see what i can do....

First, stop texting her as much. Cool it off and let her get her head around things first. If she wants to see you, let it be on her terms.

Second, don't even attempt to put any or all of your feelings into a text message or phone call. It makes it easier for her to discount and think of you as you were back then as opposed to now, and texts simply weren't designed for such complex issues.

Third, try to keep busy and keep your mind off it until she gets in touch with you.

And remember that if she doesn't, its her own loss and she's the one missing out.

Finally, if she doesn't think things will work out, remember that true love doesn't come that often, but it will happen again. Stupid thing to say to you now but if she doesn't want things to work out then it isn't meant to be.

Good luck with everything man, i hope it does work out for you and if not, that you don't take it to heart and realise that a lot of people run from past issues and feelings, and that you're a good guy not to do such a thing.

"Sometimes when you look back on a situation, you realize it wasn't all you thought it was. A beautiful girl walked into your life. You fell in love. Or did you? Maybe it was only a childish infatuation, or maybe just a brief moment of vanity."Henry Bromel, Northern Exposure, The Big Kiss, 1991

complexdude

Thanks for the reply. your right about the texting, but it isnt easy cause i'm crazy about her and really want to see her. i suspect she thinks i'm too intense and did not take her leaving 5 years ago very well. however i'm 5 years older and way more mature now, i feel if i could meet her again she would see this and would definitely fancy my chances of being with her if we could just meet up for a few hours. in ones lifetime very few girls appear that you want to spend the rest of your life with, shes the one, no question. and that is what is driving me crazy, i love her and have done since i first met her...thanks

bronte

I really have sympathy for you op, I know how you feel.
Do ease up on the contact with her, and try be more casual..not easy I know.
She may be feeling crowded by the texts.
I appreciate what you're going through.

milkerman

Maybe this girl just wants to rekindle a FRIENDSHIP. TBH if she wanted to get back with you would she tell you she was going on a date with someone else?
As the other posters say, ease off & let her come to you.
Not being with the one you want is a b*stard and I am sorry for you.

complexdude

to be honest the intensity and depth of the feelings that were between us would lead me to think that she knows its probably impossible for us to be simply friends. she knows how i feel and i suspect she feels the same i think the date think is just a red herring as she wants me to back off. at least thats what i'm hoping.. i think i'll just avoid contact for a while and see what transpires. jesus this is hard...

l3LoWnA

complexdude wrote: »

to be honest the intensity and depth of the feelings that were between us would lead me to think that she knows its probably impossible for us to be simply friends. she knows how i feel and i suspect she feels the same i think the date think is just a red herring as she wants me to back off. at least thats what i'm hoping.. i think i'll just avoid contact for a while and see what transpires. jesus this is hard...

Complexdude - has she texted you in the last 24 hours? Apart from the time she rang you when she came home, how much has SHE initiated contact with you?

You need to back off, seriously! She knows you want her now, you need to live your life and STOP texting her and hope she feels the same. She has your number. We are all blinded by love and sometimes tend to see things as we wish they were.

It's so so hard, but there's nothing worse or more off-putting than a guy who you COULD be into if he wasn't so into you, being there, panting at the other end of the phone like a lonely puppy needing to be loved, waiting for your phone-call/text. Try and just live your life the way you were when she was away and if she hasn't called or text in a few weeks, then maybe text her (during the day when you're sober) about the possibility of meeting up for a drink. TRY and leave it until she initiates the next chat, I know it's extremely difficult, but if you want this girl, you need to try!

Of course, I'm only giving my opinion and only going on the info you've provided. I don't know how thi girl truly feels, but I do know, you need to back off a little.....especially if you're not getting anywhere with the approach you've already adopted!

God, isn't that drunken confident texting-ex thing such a pain in the feckin arse - I did it two weeks ago and cringe every time I think of it :rolleyes:

(oh and if she does text don't reply for an hour or so.....or if she rings, maybe miss the call and phone her back an hour later - I know it's childish mind-games but it'll get her wondering and fix the damage you may have already done.....) Of course, don't listen to me if you don't want

estar

- dont send people drunken texts. its an enfringement of their personal space.
if you have something to say, say it sober. it means more, and takes more balls. and is likely to be respected more. drunk texts look weak and out of control.

- you dont know her any more. she is a differnet person with a different
life now. you are in love with what you had. you have a friendship now.
if something were to develop it would be differnet to what you had.

- when you break up with someone, it leaves an empty space even if you didnt love them, which makes you more vulnerable.

- theres no quicker cure than putting a distance back there. the less you know about someone who you are in love with that wants to be your friend the better. be friendly. but put your emotional barriers back up and keep her out of your head by staying busy.

maybe not right, but my advice nonetheless.

im glad that you feel better by posting also.

complexdude

Thanks for all the advice, even the stuff i dont want to hear. will lie low for a while and see what transpires... wrecking my head though!

milkerman

Why not go out and find someone else to date? It would help you to stop thinking in circles.
You might even get lucky and meet someone that completely turns your head -
THEY ARE OUT THERE
Go find one.
Drunken txting is a pain in the a*se, dont do it.

complexdude

its not as simple as just heading out and meeting other people, jesus if only it were.when your head is wrecked and emotions in turmoil the last thing i want to do is head out!!!

l3LoWnA

Well then don't head out and meet new people (as in girls) but get out there and socialise, get busy and keep your mind occupied at the very least with stuff other than this girl. At least try. As another poster said, even if you DO end up with this girl, it will be a new relationship, you are both two older, more mature and most probably different people 5 years on. I hate to say it, but you seem to be living in the past a bit. By saying that I don't mean you and this girl won't end up together, but you've already tried to make the first move (and just because she rang you when she got home doesn't mean she wanted to fall straight back into a relationship with you or at least she hasn't aced this way since, has she?) Now the ball is in her court for the time being...so you need to relax and try to forget about it as best you can.

As a matter of interest, how long is it since she got home? When's the last time she rang or text you?

complexdude

she's back about 2 months i think. she text me a few times on sunday night, although i did initiate it.. have still been going out and doing all the normal stuff, course i have just dont have much of an appetitie for the ladies. i suppose there is an element of living in the past, thats true, but when you meet somebody special and they walk back into your life its hard not to think back and remember how fantastic she was and still is from my limited contact with her. normally i have a quite relaxed attitude to relationships etc and have never had any trouble getting girls but this one is different, i hate having these feelings but the reality is i do and dont want to regret not trying to get with her, that would kill me. i wouldnt regret failing to be with her but i would regret not trying. i guess i just need to sit back and let her decide... we'll see what happens. if we meet it will happen, of that i have no doubt, there is something very strong between us.

Spoony2

your playing the game mate and looseing badly no woman wants an over eager guy from what Ive found Dont text her for a while and play cool if you eager you wont get know where from what I've found.

You need to gain some self controll. Also you really need to stop useing your phone as a way of signaling attraction some women it will work on and others it won't on her, shes traveeled for 5 years shes certainly not affriad of being on her own...

Sounds like she's really confident to.

She Knows how you feel!
Which is never a good thing espechilly even before youve meet as much as she might think your sweet and cute thats as far as it is.

there's a website called www.askmen.com there's advice about how to behave in your dateing tecneques if your not getting any where. How to Express Interest,

My advice is to read it, it gave me a lot of advice Now before you go there there is aman that's a featured writer his name is davivd dalangalo his advise engourages you to change your hole personality which i desagree with but there is some top tips on that sight.

Delete her number and stop allowing your emotions to controll you and stop thinking!!!

complexdude

Cheers spoony, i am painfully aware that i am losing the game and have declared a moratorium on the texting, which to be honest hasnt been that excessive. However i dont need ant tips on dating. thanks anyway

Spoony2 wrote: »

your playing the game mate and looseing badly no woman wants an over eager guy from what Ive found Dont text her for a while and play cool if you eager you wont get know where from what I've found.

You need to gain some self controll. Also you really need to stop useing your phone as a way of signaling attraction some women it will work on and others it won't on her, shes traveeled for 5 years shes certainly not affriad of being on her own...

Sounds like she's really confident to.

She Knows how you feel!
Which is never a good thing espechilly even before youve meet as much as she might think your sweet and cute thats as far as it is.

there's a website called www.askmen.com there's advice about how to behave in your dateing tecneques if your not getting any where. How to Express Interest,

My advice is to read it, it gave me a lot of advice Now before you go there there is aman that's a featured writer his name is davivd dalangalo his advise engourages you to change your hole personality which i desagree with but there is some top tips on that sight.

Delete her number and stop allowing your emotions to controll you and stop thinking!!!

Spoony2

complexdude wrote: »

Cheers spoony, i am painfully aware that i am losing the game and have declared a moratorium on the texting, which to be honest hasnt been that excessive. However i dont need ant tips on dating. thanks anyway

your painfully aware that your looseing yet your asking a group of people on the internet for advice why not go read some womens opinions on that site you might not agree with it all I certainly dont but from what peace's of advice ive found it has prooved to be well worth there weight in U've nothing to loose. and soemthing to gain Unless you think im trying to insult you which im not im just trying to show you away in which you may look at your options and counter act all those negitives your getting,

And i should of said its probably one of the most constructive sites on the net i use it all the time if ive got a problem nine times out of ten theres a topic some where that can help me weather it's regarding personal, fasion, jobs , women everything and i swear to god its helped me so many times in so many ways give it a go man serously, all it is a click its not a forum there articles published on the net like an online fhm except 300 times better.

cL0h

Hey complexdude.
Poor you. I've been there done that. I got infatuated with this girl who actually liked me and couldn't stop thinking about her and found it hard not to text her. I was even imagining me with her 5 years in the future. There was absolutely no need for it. I actually pushed her away and we didn't get together agin for 4 years.
Here's the thing.....
If it's meant to be it's meant to be. You can't stop it any more than you can make it happen so RELAX! And if it is meant to be than you would be friends first and foremost. There's no reason why you can't be friendly with this person. If she was a guy and you got on with her you would get in touch. You should meet up and chat in the daytime! I know it takes guts , a lot of guts but it's the best way. As for not having "any trouble getting girls." Forget that buddy. If she's smart she'll run a mile from the ego business. So ignore the hormones and do the friends thing and LET IT DEVELOP SLOWLY.
If it's worth it you will!
C.

PS. If it gets too much in your head, grab your runners and get out and start running. Forest Gump style. I swear it works and it's good for the fitness too!!

complexdude

Cheers cloh. the comment about never having trouble getting girls was an off the cuff comment although its true i certainly aint a player! am more interested in something serious than casual and maybe thats a little offputting... would be delighted to meet up with her and start from scratch with friendship as thats the key, without doubt, i just need the opportunity to meet her and am pretty confident we could take it on from there. obviously we've been apart for 5 years so it would need to start slowly, all of which i would be delighted to undertake..... as for the running i did a ten miler last night after playing soccer for an hour, it helps the frustration but knackers your legs. thanks for the comments, much appreciated

cL0h wrote: »

Hey complexdude.
Poor you. I've been there done that. I got infatuated with this girl who actually liked me and couldn't stop thinking about her and found it hard not to text her. I was even imagining me with her 5 years in the future. There was absolutely no need for it. I actually pushed her away and we didn't get together agin for 4 years.
Here's the thing.....
If it's meant to be it's meant to be. You can't stop it any more than you can make it happen so RELAX! And if it is meant to be than you would be friends first and foremost. There's no reason why you can't be friendly with this person. If she was a guy and you got on with her you would get in touch. You should meet up and chat in the daytime! I know it takes guts , a lot of guts but it's the best way. As for not having "any trouble getting girls." Forget that buddy. If she's smart she'll run a mile from the ego business. So ignore the hormones and do the friends thing and LET IT DEVELOP SLOWLY.
If it's worth it you will!
C.

PS. If it gets too much in your head, grab your runners and get out and start running. Forest Gump style. I swear it works and it's good for the fitness too!!

smaoifs

complexdude wrote: »

its not as simple as just heading out and meeting other people, jesus if only it were.when your head is wrecked and emotions in turmoil the last thing i want to do is head out!!!

Know exactly how you're feeling. Still trying to get over the guy I think is The One. Would be going grand and then I'd be out some weekend and see him and I'd be straight back to square one. Tried to heal a broken heart in all the most stupid, worthless ways and it didn't work so am now trying the whole "if you love someone, set them free......." bit. Not texting him, not anything. Want him so much to be thinking of me but not thinking there's that psychobitch that's making me go in and change my mobile number.

Just play it cool I think, give her time to initiate contact with you.

Vengeance

It seems you have all the replies you need to be honest. All thats left is for you to act on them and stop worrying. I really hope it works out, but like i said before, if it doesn't you've gotta let life continue.

Taking it from friendship is the way to go by the way. All serious relationships i've had all started with the friend love.

I hope something here helped you out!



Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock. John Barrymore (1882 - 1942)