identity crisis

LegacyUser

I'm having an identity crisis. I've done things I would never do, I cheated on my boyfriend because I was mad at him, but I keep denying it, it's too painful, I couldn't have done it? I didn't want to when it happened why did I let it happen? I love him so much I would never never ever be unfaithful, I love him so much I wouldn't?? But I keep having flashbacks so I did do it.
But I didn't want to do it I feel like I've tainted everything n spoiled our relationship which was the best thing that ever happened to me! I don't deserve anything now, I told him straight away n he shud hav left me but he forgave me??? But I wrecked everything I don't know how to move past it even tho we both desperately want to. I feel sick this is so sickening. Please tell me there must be a way to make it up to him? There has to be something I can do that can make it like it never hpnd? We can move past this and be a stronger couple for getting thru it right?
I just want it to be the way it was, back to being relaxed n care free n just havn a laugh together n doin fun things together! I know this sounds lame but am I a bad person?
Please, I'm so wound up, any advice at all on how I can make amends?

IRLConor

1. Be glad he forgave you. Many guys wouldn't. This at least tells you that he wants the relationship to work.
2. You'll probably never forget about cheating on him, but the pain of it will fade in time. Don't dwell on it now, if he's willing to forgive you he's probably willing to let you make amends.
3. Be good now. Don't think about grand gestures to make it right, just get all of the little things right. You know, the small gestures of love that make up the bread and butter of a relationship. Things like if he's tired/busy due to work, help him out with his laundry or make him a cup of tea when he comes in from cold outdoors. Don't just tell him that you love him, show him.
4. Be good in future. If you're mad at him, try and work it out in a sensible and mature manner: talk to him about the problem. It's the most difficult yet most rewarding way of solving relationship problems.
5. When the time is right, and the worst of this has settled, sit down with him and try and talk it through (if both of you feel up to it - if not leave it until you are, there's no point creating an argument about it). Hopefully by talking about it calmly you should both be able to lay at least some of the demons to rest.

LegacyUser

You have to accept it will never be the same again after that, it never is we have all been there. I'd say just learn from it and if you are ever in the same situation in the future with someone you love, then be more careful.!

IRLConor

Oh, and something I forgot to say: Well done for coming clean and admitting it to him, it can't have been easy to do.

tritium

OP, you can't unmake the past. I figure the next best thing is to build the better future. Be happy that he cares about you enough to forgive you and try to move on. It won't be easy, and to be honest it shouldn't be easy for you, if it was I'd be a lot more worried for your boyfriend. That said, if you stick in there and learn from whats happened you just might find it gets easier. You've been given a (pretty generous) second chance, so I'd say make the most of it. Good luck!

LegacyUser

It's been the ****tiest lesson so far, I never ever want to go there again, at least now I know if ever I am in that situation again, it just isn't worth it at all! I really appreciate the replies, I guess a big gesture wud seem fake come to think of it.. but I'm really excited about doing all the small things, I feel like the luckiest girl in the world! The hardest thing to accept was not being able to undo it, but thanks I'll look to the future
I'll definitely handle things more maturely from now on too. Again thanks for the replies!