Help please

Hooly22

:(I typed all this out, and then accidently deleted it


I'm posting on here because I'm not sure where else or who else to say this all to.


I'm finding things really tough at the moment. I don't like talking about things, but I know it's taking it's toll. There are a few major things in my life which I've done my best to ignore(my mums eating disorder, all the fights etc etc)
I'm finding it hard to explain all this to you, I'm just getting really upset even trying.

I'm not 18 yet, and on top of school being stressful this is just adding to pressure and i cant do it.

There's so many things on my mind. I want to go to college away from dublin, but i dont want to leave my mum cause im worried it'll spark the eating dis.

Also my grandad (her dad) has cancer, and I know this sounds so selfish, but in a way, i want to just be normal and be allowed to worry about him, without having to watch my mum and make sure she's eating.


THere's one memory stuck in my head. Me and my mum decided to have a night in, and she had a glass or two too much, wine, and just got really aggitated. Anyway i tried to stay normal during our meal, and i went to change and she just wash a few pots, and I came down and she'd just made herself sick. Being the absolute cow I am, I ignored it and pretended i didnt notice


I really need advice or something

Rb

Is she getting any professional help for this?

Hooly22

My mum? She was hospitalized once for it. No one tells me anything to be perfectly honest

bronte

You're not being a cow at all.
You're finding this really hard to deal with, and are coping better than most people would.
Your mum may be under a lot of stress at the moment.
You are not responsible for her actions though.
It is not selfish to want to not have to worry about all of this op.
You are so young and this is an awful lot to be dealing with.
Please don't feel bad.
Is there anyone you can talk to about this, you shouldn't have to bear it all alone.

gamblitis

You have to stern with your mum.Now i know thats easier said than done but its what needs to happen.Tell her the position your in and that she needs to have more respect you herself and you and your granddad.I had a similar situation a couple of years back so i can kind of familiarise my self with thats happening.You just have to be as strong as possible and don't ever "not notice" something like that in future or nothing will happen about it.trust me.its gonna be tough for a while but you have to see there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that it can be reached.k

Hooly22

There's not really anyone I want to talk about this with. I don't want people constantly looking at me and trying to sympathize with me. I just want it to stop. It's not fair and I can't do it. I always feel so guilty about everything i can hardly explain myself

I don't know how to say this to my mum. She does so much for me

gamblitis

i understand that but what your doing for her now will be worth so much in the long run.she can look at this in the future as payback for all the things she has done for you.because you are literally saving her life and then you can both be there for each other and provide a back up in other times of need like you said your granddad is sick and its very hard to go through something like that on your own

Hooly22

I know that you're right, but I just can't do it. For the last I've been trying to get myself to say something to her, I just can't do it.

I know I'm being selfish, but I feel like I'm in so far now, there's no going back.

There's just so many other things. I'm always upset about something, or annoyed about something. I've just had enough of everything. I'd do anything for it all just to stop for a while

gamblitis

Look you have to swallow your pride!If you wanna make this stop once and for all!and your not being selfish its for her good as much as yours!how can you focus on any school work or anything with this going on constantly in your head???both of ye will feel much better after its all done.and if you still feel that you can't say anything to her get someone both of ye would trust with your lives and ask them to say something to her.
if ya wanna talk im always here.feel free to pm me anytime.