Male Opinions Please.....

LegacyUser

Im going unreg for his for obvious reasons.
Okay, before I begin , let me say that I know this post is going to come across as primal, childish and and quite possibly insane but here it goes.
I have , over recent months, and despite all my best efforts not to, developed a crush on a guy who I have seen vitually every week (at a club) for years now and yet have barely spoken to in the past at all. Only recently have we actually started to converse and I started to realise that I fancied him after all. It actually seemed like he was flirting with me a little bit (which I think was on of the things that I found a turn-on in the first place). Sometimes I catch him staring at me and then he looks away when I catch him.
It has now gotten to the point where I find myself getting butterflies when he walks past and I suppose i`ve started to wonder if anything is ever going to happen.....
Then out of the blue, along comes this girl who is drop dead gorgeous (grrrrr jealousy bites) and has recenly become a friend of mine. And guess what? Unless I have gotten the wrong impression completly, he seems to be falling for her.
So now what do I do?
Im trying to come up with ways to keep his attention on me ........clothes, perfume, WHAT?
I`ll accept all advice except being told to ask him out myself (a matter of policy for me, nothing will get me to do this btw).
Im expecially looking for male opinions as to what would be the tie-breaker between two girls if you fanced both, what would keep you attracted to someone? How do I keep his attention on me ?

HELLLLPP......

Lucretia

milkerman

The tie-breaker is usually decided by the first girl THAT ASKS HIM OUT ON A DATE. And btw, dont text him - look him in the eye and say that you would like to go on a date with him.

LegacyUser

There's a very good chance that you're imagining his falling for this other girl. Its an incredibly common occurance!

incorkfornow

A tie breaker would be whichever i got on with best. And in a club...... well. Most guys go to clubs for sex. Not a relationship. So tease him, ignore him.... etc etc. He'll be more interested in a challenge if he's at all like me.

I wouldn't like a girl to ask me out. She's right on that count. It seems desperate and i like the chase, like many guys.

biko

I don't mind the chase but this could be the scenario too:
He is interested in you but does not feel you are interested in him. Along comes someone who seems to be interested, cue attention switch.

Remember that he's been interested in you a long-ish time, you need to let him know that you want him too. Don't sit on your ass waiting for things to happen or for him to pluck up courage, do something.

Fear of rejection is natural, rejection happens. But someone needs to make a move here. Who Dares Wins!

incorkfornow

At the same time, there are plenty of ways to let a guy know you like him other than resorting to obvious moves.

I luckily have seen a few.

The Corinthian

God helps those who help themselves...

...and those who wait for others to make the first move die alone and are eaten by their cats.

magick

Fortune favours the bold

padser

Sorry glowworm but I think you had your chance for years and didn't take it. U didn't bite so he has moved on to someone else. As the previous posters said maybe if you throw yourself at him - but I can't see him putting any more effort into flirting with you. Its like the old saying - no sense throwing good money after bad. Makes more sense for him now ton concentrate on the new girl. Sorry

milkerman

Ah hang on,
The year is 2007, a girl asking a fellah out is a clear expression of interest - thats all. It does not equate to 'throwing oneself' or being 'easy' or raising ones skirts & presenting the nether regions.

Agent J

It would and has impressed the hell out of me when the girl makes the 1st move.

If i was in that sitatution it would be the girl who acted 1st that i would probably go with.

Can i ask what is your reasoning for not wanting to is?

The way i see it you have 2 choices.

You either choose to act
or you choose to let others act.

Only if you act do you have any attempt/chance to control or influcene the situation.

Quigs Snr

Well if you don't have the guts to ask him out, or its policy, whatever nonsense excuse you want to use, your options are limited. He sees you all the time, but gets nada, no interest, soon you will be consigned to the do not go there shelf if you are not already there, which I suspect you might be.

Anyhooo, if you can't bring yourself to do something about it dressing nice and smelling nice won't help, you have to give him a serious come on, blatant flirting, possibly backed up with a mate telling him that he's in there when you head off to get a drink. Its a little bit teenager I grant you, but in the absence of the courage to do it the right way I think its the only course of action thats could potentially give you the result you want.

Ultimately us guys are horndoggs. If you are hot and your friend is hotter, of course we want the friend we wouldn't be guys otherwise, but we won't be ruling you out either and he has been looking at you so probably he is into it. So basically the tie-breaker, is which one can I actually have ? You have to let him know its you. Fart around too much and you can forget it. Jeez, I am in my thirties now and I don't know how many times I messed things up in the past behaving like you, and the funny thing is making a fool of myself in front of the opposite sex would be literally the worst thing I could have done years ago, but looking back, I never really regretted the stupid things I did, I always regretted the stupid things I didn't do, the opportunities I didn't take. Kind of what you are doing now. It worked out for me, I have a great girl now and I wouldn't swap her for anyone even if Heidi Klum did decide to suddenly call me up ! I was lucky though, because I had messed up enough in the past to know when an opportunity was presenting itself and grabbed it with both hands. You should do the same before someone else beats you to it.

cudman

if your that much of an idiot not too ask him out i hope your friend gets him

thebiggestjim

OK you don't want to ask him out, but you have to do something or nothing will happen. If you sit on the fence completely nothing will happen, catching each others eye has not work up to now has it. Alls not lost. Get talking him for a start. when your talking at some stage hit the bar, offer him a drink, believe me when a girl does this the guy knows he his been hit on. Ok at this stage everyone has a fair idea where everyone stands, its up to both of you to seal the deal now.
Leave the other girl at home this particular night, your better off.

Do not sit on the fence.

Feidhlim

it could well be he feels the same. likes you enough that he finds it hard to talk to you as he can with this other girl. ask him.

binhead

He sounds like he's into you but too scared to make a move cos he's unsure of how you feel about him, You're into him but too scared to make a move for your own reasons.

Enter new girl, He'll probably be too scared to make a move on her too BUT if she catches him looking and she likes him and isn't afraid to make a move she will and you'll lose him.

So you know what I'm gonna say... But if you really can't just ask him out then lay on the flirt train.... or give him a really early Christmas card with "ask me out" written on it.

Do you only ever see this guy at a club? Running into him somewhere else and striking up a conversation might help.

Good luck anyway!

Carrigart Exile

The Corinthian wrote: »

God helps those who help themselves...

...and those who wait for others to make the first move die alone and are eaten by their cats.

eeek I didn't know that, right sorry tiddles but you have to go.

The Corinthian makes a good point OP, your 'principle' sounds more like something to hide behind because you are scared of rejection. By the sound of it the guy you like is also very shy and scared of rejection. Why don't you 'find a song' that you both always dance to, tell him its 'our song' and every time it comes on he'll come looking for you.

Reku

For me the tie-breaker would be who I first fell "in like" with and thought that they might feel similarly. It sounds like you've barely had much in the way of conversation though so I guess it would have to be whoever asked me out first (without giving the impression I was just a brief point of interest) for the simple absense of any daft headgames.

Any chance you'd explain what the principle that prevents you asking him is OP? If it's just a fear of rejection then it's a bit unfair to in turn expect him to jump in and ask you since he has the same risk of rejection.

Jesus Wept

Glowworm wrote: »

Im expecially looking for male opinions as to what would be the tie-breaker between two girls if you fanced both, what would keep you attracted to someone? How do I keep his attention on me ?

HELLLLPP......

Lucretia

The tiebreaker would be the girl who didn't think like this

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>

Glowworm wrote: »

I`ll accept all advice except being told to ask him out myself (a matter of policy for me, nothing will get me to do this btw).

sobriquet

binhead wrote: »

He sounds like he's into you but too scared to make a move cos he's unsure of how you feel about him, You're into him but too scared to make a move for your own reasons.

Don't think so tbh. Have to agree with Biko. OP, think about it. There's a bloke you see around for years at the same place; nothing has happened between you. A new bloke comes on the scene, you're attracted to him and he seems to be attracted to you. All of a sudden the other bloke is asking you out. It'd seem odd wouldn't it?

I if I were in his place I probably wouldn't be making a move on you at all. It's been years, you've expressed no interest until recently (and even then, what is there but flirting?), so why would he? As far as I can tell, the best thing you could do if you want to resolve it is ask him out, feck your policy.

Dr_Teeth

Ask him out! Or if you refuse to budge on that, use the cunning loophole of asking him to ask you out. :P That worked on me anyway!

AngryBadger

Glowworm wrote: »

I
I`ll accept all advice except being told to ask him out myself (a matter of policy for me, nothing will get me to do this btw).

Well then you're buggered. Sorry.

Think about it, while any amount of cosmetic baubles may grab his attention it's not going to keep it. It just emans he's going to perhaps look at you for a second longer, because without actual interaction to back things up it's all jsut a facade.

So if you're not willing to ask him out and he does fancy the other girl you're buggered.

Nevyn

Then don't ask, write your name and number on something and stick it in his pocket
what you choose it up to you, but I would not suggest a bit of abeer mat,
try a business card, gift tag or condom ....