Am I been selfish?

dollydrops

One of my best friend has told me an ex friend of mine has asked him to go to a wedding with her in a couple of weeks time. He told me she has recently broken up with her boyfriend and that she can't face going to the wedding on her own because her ex will be there.
That’s fine I can understand that she doesn't want to go on her own but he won't listen to me I am trying to explain to him that she is only using him. I think he is starting to fall for her and that he thinks he has a chance to be with her. He said that he is after booking a room in the hotel the wedding is in and that he thinks this is his chance. I keep asking him what he wants from her he keeps saying 'oh you know we might end up getting jiggy' and laughs it off but I know he really likes her. They were together when they were younger but she told me (when we were friends) that she was only ever with him to 'experiment' and she could never be in a relationship with him because he 'is not man enough' for her.

I haven't spoken to this girl in over two years we had a major falling out she did some pretty bitchy things to me an example of one is sending my boyfriend an anonymous letter saying that I was seeing someone I worked with which she later admitted to doing and saying that she thought it was funny!!

Am I being selfish not wanting him to be with her?
Should I just let him get on with it and stay out of it or will I try and contact her and tell her to leave him alone. Do I have a right to do that?
Any advise would be welcome I am doing my nut in since he told me he has booked the hotel room.

6th

Maybe he is more man than when you last spoke to her two years ago ... or here's a crazy idea maybe she has changed?

Seriously i think the problem is with you ... you are being (not been) selfish.

LadyJ

The only way he will learn is by experiencing her for himself. You're wasting your time telling a horny guy not to take a bash at scoring a girl he fancies. He'll never listen.

Cathmandooo

I'd stay out of it. Who knows she may have grown up in the two years!?! If your best mate gets hurt in the end then all you can do is be there for him, he has to make his own mistakes, he wont learn otherwise.

You never know your mate could meet the girl of his dreams at the wedding, it is a common place to meet your future partner afterall!

I don't think you're being selfish though, you're just looking out for your friend.

_blank_

Do you fancy him?

6th

dollydrops wrote: »

will I try and contact her and tell her to leave him alone.

Cop yourself on.

dollydrops wrote: »

Do I have a right to do that?

NO!

Anyway she asked your friend because she didnt want to go alone, your friend deserves what he gets or doesn't on the night for presuming she will put out.

seamus

dollydrops wrote: »

Am I being selfish not wanting him to be with her?

Yep. Jealous maybe?

Should I just let him get on with it and stay out of it or will I try and contact her and tell her to leave him alone. Do I have a right to do that?

Nope, you don't. Assuming that he knows what happened between you and her, then he has all the information he needs. He's a big boy, he can make all his own choices. You have no right to make them for him or to stick your nose and interfere with them.

If he gets burned, that's his problem. You're his friend, you can be there to comfort him. If he scores, then be happy for him.

dollydrops

DesF wrote: »

Do you fancy him?

No I don't fancy him I have been friends with him for years he is more like a brother to me. I am in a long term relationship myself with one of his best friends.

humanji

I think you're being selfish and trying to disguise it as concern. Your mate is going to the wedding with her and hoping he'll score. If he does, good for him. If he doesn't, no big deal. Either way, it's absolutely none of your business.

dollydrops

seamus wrote: »

Yep. Jealous maybe?
Nope, you don't. Assuming that he knows what happened between you and her, then he has all the information he needs. He's a big boy, he can make all his own choices. You have no right to make them for him or to stick your nose and interfere with them.

If he gets burned, that's his problem. You're his friend, you can be there to comfort him. If he scores, then be happy for him.

No I am not jealous. I knew I would get that kind of response.
I'd have no problem with him just sleeping with her if he had no intentions of wanting a relationship with her. I'd be delighted with that actually. I think he could do with a good night of passion.
He keeps joking with me about just getting jiggy and dropping her like a hot potato to give her a dose of her own medicine.

LadyJ

dollydrops wrote: »

I'd have no problem with him just sleeping with her if he had no intentions of wanting a relationship with her. I'd be delighted with that actually. I think he could do with a good night of passion.
He keeps joking with me about just getting jiggy and dropping her like a hot potato to give her a dose of her own medicine.

Well maybe he'll do that. What's your problem with it so?

Surely you'd like to see the guy get revenge. No?

dollydrops

LadyJ wrote: »

Well maybe he'll do that. What's your problem with it so?

Surely you'd like to see the guy get revenge. No?

Well maybe I am just over reacting then. He has gone through a lot over the last while and I am just a bit protective of him I suppose. And I know I'm not his mother or his minder and I don't have a right to say what he can do or not do. I just don't want him getting mixed up with her because she can be dangerous.

Miss Fluff

You're not being selfish necessarily, more territorial and you don't really have a right to be. I can understand why it grates on you but this was you and your ex-friend's argument and he wasn't involved. You are not within your rights to just phone her out of the blue and have a go....under what pretence? You'd let yourself down massively. Yes, she sounds like a b1tch from hell but your mate is a big boy now so let him make his own choices. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it and just don't discuss it with him again.

milkerman

I think it is none of your business really, if your friend needs a night of passion you might consider tending to this requirement yourself.
You sure you dont fancy him?

dollydrops

milkerman wrote: »

I think it is none of your business really, if your friend needs a night of passion you might consider tending to this requirement yourself.
You sure you dont fancy him?

Yes I am positive that I don't fancy him! As I said already I am in a long term realtionship with his best friend! He introduced us.

You are not within your rights to just phone her out of the blue and have a go....under what pretence? You'd let yourself down massively

I don't think I really would have had the guts to contact her. And you are right I would have let myself down big time.

Reku

It sounds a little like a combination of protectiveness for your friend and animousity towards this girl meaning that you'd like to deny her any pleasure where possible.
For the later she'll just find it elsewhere if not with him so you have little control over this so no point in dwelling, it can be hard when you really hate someone I know but holding on to that hate achieves nothing and only really blinds you to other things.
For the former your friend has been with this girl before & probably knows all the stuff she did to you and others so even if she is tugging his heartstrings a little he knows what she is like and so knows what to expect, it's up to him if he still wants to let her play him like this and no amount of convincing from you will make him decide otherwise. The best you can do is make sure to be there for him if he needs to talk about it afterwards.
It sounds like perhaps he thinks that having his way with her and then unceremoniously dumping her will be the last hurdle for him to be over her, the heart and mind aren't such simple and straight forward things though.

How Strange

I had to read your post a couple of times to understand the context.

It seems to me that your nose is a bit out of joint. You said she told you she was only with him years ago because she was experimenting. So does this mean that you are doubting that now as she might be interested in men again/afterall? I'm abit confused on that one but I think it might be related to why you feel you have the right to interfere.

In reality, its none of your business. Yes you are entitled to smart a little because they may hook up but you have to keep that to yourself. Your best friend certainly won't appreciate you sticking your oar in and tbh it would look very strange to your bf if you start getting het up about them going off to a wedding together.

Either way, they are both adults, she is no longer part of your personal life so you have no right to intervene in whatever may happen. If it ends in tears for one of them then so be it, these things happen. But stay well out of it or it could very easily blow up in your face.