ripped to pieces inside

LegacyUser

hello all..

6 weeks ago i broke up with my girlfriend... let me explain..
i have been with my girlfriend for just over 6 years, and living together for most of that 6 years.. i moved away from home 7 years ago to another part of ireland.. for a job, my plan was to stay for 6 months.. but i met her soon after i came here.. and am still here.. she is the most beautiful person in the world with a heart of gold.. she soon became my best friend and we shared everything together.. we had a beautiful home and a loving dog and would constantly talk about marrige and children and howmuch we both wanted it, she became my whole world and soon she was the only family i had.. we were just about to buy our house that we have lived in for the last 4 years and has become our home.. but 6 weeks ago she decided that she no longer feels the same about me as she used to, and asked be to move out... so now i am staying in a friends house in a sleeping bag, i miss her everyday and (time is a great healer) seems to be working the opposite way for me.. cos as each day passes i feel my heart getting heavier and heavier.. the pain of loosing her is multiplied by the fact that i have nowhere to turn for support.. all my friends and family live hundreds of miles away, and i no longer have a home.. i dont feel like i belong anywhere anymore and feel very trapped in this situation.. the old saying "this too shall pass" has helped me alot.. but i cant stop the feeling that i have lost the best thing in my life and cannot do anything about it.. i have gone out with her once or twice since the breakup just as friends, but she keeps saying "were not getting back together" and it cuts my heart to pieces when she says it.. this time last year we broke up and she said that we would never work, and that she would never get back together with me.. but a few weeks later she was ringing me pleading to come back, and a few months later told me that she was so sorry for that breakup, and that her head was messed up at the time and she didnt know what she was doing, and then thanked me fo staying around and getting back together.. and now this time she is saying it again that she never wants to get back with me.. but just 7 weeks ago we were smiling at eachother in a solicitors office at the prospect of signing on our home... and then BOOM a week later she wants out!! im not without blame, i did get lazy around the house and became very negative, but was working really hard to try be a better person for her.
all i want is my baby back.. i have nobody here i can talk to, my friend who i live with now just plays xbox and watched football 24 hours a day, so most of the time i just go to a bar and drink, but that is starting to affect my work now cos im always hungover.. all i want to do is go home to my girlfriend and our dog and snuggle up watching a movie.. but instead everynight i am curled up in a cold sleeping bag alone.. missing her and what we had.. im trying to handle it like addicts do.. by taking it one day at a time, but that only ever lasts a few hours of happiness and then i sink into depression of thinking how badly i have screwed up my life, im about to turn 30 and what would have been the best birthday of my life has now become something im trying to hide from people.. i dont even want to celebrate it now.. my 30th and a marrige proposal were top of my agenda for 2008.. now i just dont know what to do... i cant see any light at the end of this tunnel.. whats really making me sad is that she is trying to be all hard about it cos she said it will make it easier for me to accept if she is a bitch about it.. but for 6 years she has been the sweetest girl in the world, so it feels like its a totally different person that i cant reason with.. and that just makes me miss her more and more.. i have walked the lenght and breath of this town im living in most nights of the week, and every single thing reminds me of her and how close we were.. we did everything together, i gave her my heart, and now i feel like the most alone person in the world.. i go for walks just to cry, cos i dont want my friends to see me.. i sit in the spare room of my friends house crying.. i know i should just be able to get over it.. but when you spend every minute of everyday with the same person you form a bond that is so strong.. and now that its gone, i am out on my own.. i dont even know why im typing this, im not looking for pity or anything, i just need to say it to somebody.. because the only one person i have ever been able to talk to about problems is now the one person i cant talk to.. so its been bottling up inside me for 6 weeks.. i feel like im going to explode or something.. i just want to run out into the street right now and shout as loud as i can into the night sky until my voice dies... i feel so claustrophobic in my life now.. i was so cosy with her.. and now i feel like im a lost person wandering around her home town... i cant move back to my folks, cos i havent lived there in so long that it dosent feel like my home anymore.. all my brothers have moved out and bought houses with their girlfriends and all my mates have moved on and are leading their own lives now.. so their is nothing back there for me anymore.. plus my job here is a very good job that i could not get back home and i am getting thousands of euro worth of training to make me be able to get a really good job, cos i never went to collage or anything so i have no paperwork.. so im kinda stuck here for the next few years to complete all my training (by the way, i took this job and all this training so i could provide for my family when the time came, cos i didnt want my family to have to worry about finances when we decided to have kids).. but i feel like im in limbo.. im like that sock thats always in the washing basket and you can never find the match for it.. so it just gets left in the basket all the time.. i cant believe how much i have written here...

i dont know whatelse to type.. this is only a fraction of what is actually going on in my head but its all stuffed up.. in the last 6 weeks every day i go from [happiest man ever] one minute thinking that life goes on and i'll be ok, to [man who is actually watching the current in the river to see how quick he can end it all] and a few hours later back to happy man.. its confusing me so much!! i just want to be stable again, i just want my life back.. i want to wake up to find this was all a really bad dream... i have lost my heart.. im so alone!

Lil' Smiler

Do you not have anyone else you can talk to other than the guy that you live with now?

Yes it is hard, sometimes it takes you alot longer than you expect to work through it. Just because you broke up 6 weeks ago doens't mean it's wrong or weird to feel the way you do now, it's natural and it will take a while for you to accept it.

Keep yourself busy, join a club or start a night course. Put your words down on paper, write it all out and it might help you to feel better.



I don't know if it's a good idea but maybe tell your lady what you told us above.

Chin up dude, there's always someone worse off!

Mullah

To be honest, that was very difficult to read and I just gave up halfway through the first part.

Lil' Smiler

it was but the poor dude is pouring his heart out and i have no book or paper to read with my tea & toast!

Clare Bear

Jesus ye're so sympathetic!!!! :rolleyes:


That was horrible to read, I really feel for you OP. I've been there, there's nothing worse but if there is no hope for you two (you still don't know that for certain do you?) this will pass, you will meet someone else and life will be good again....but it will take time...try to do new things, meet new people, change your life basically because your life has changed and you have to go with it. Best of luck.

Petey2006

OP, it's only been six weeks since you've broken up. The wound is still going to be incredibly raw. Especially since you thought everything was going fine and suddenly it ended. It's going to hurt for a long time yet. But it will get easier with a little time. I know at this point that's very hard to believe, but you will get through it. Don't see your ex. It wont help at all. Despite how you may think even a little contact with her will help you, it'll only keep reopening the wound. Step away from it all and you'll heal faster. Good luck with it

Nevyn

Mullah Off topic and unhelpful posts will get you banned from this forum.
Read the charter and abide by the rules while posting.
Have a nice day
Thaedydal.

Mullah

Ok, noted and apologies. That was insensitive of me.

LegacyUser

First thing is to get out of that sleeping bag and find a nicer place to stay. This is your chance to carve out your own new life that you are in control of. See it as a transitional stage, one that may be hard and difficult to go through at times, but this is as bad as it will get.

When you get through this, you'll be bigger and better than before.

Some people never experience this and end up marrying someone completely unsuitable. They can never break free cos they don't have the strength. This has been forced upon you but it happens for a reason and in time you'll feel a million times stronger and more independent than you did before.

Be good to yourself and take each day as it happens. Of course you will feel depressed and lonely, but you won't for much longer and you'll wake up one morning seeing the sun rising and you'll know you're over the worst.

Lawless_Samurai

feelin_lonely wrote: »

its confusing me so much!! i just want to be stable again, i just want my life back.. i want to wake up to find this was all a really bad dream... i have lost my heart.. im so alone!

My advice is move back to your hometown... Seems like you only stayed in that town for her. If it was me everything around that town would remind of her. The way she ended it sounds cold so I doubt there is a chance of ye getting back together so you gotta ask yourself what are you hanging around for???

Maybe not go back home but I would advise moving out of that town....

What ever you decide good luck, thats a horrible situation to be in

r3nu4l

Well OP, I have some understanding of how you feel. I once felt the very same as you and unsurprisingly took to the pub every night to help me 'feel better' :rolleyes:

Try to stay away from the pub if you can. I understand the torture that every day you are just thinking constantly about this girl and it really, really will pass one day. Slowly at first but over time you'll find that things change. Would it be possible for you to rent a new place and get yourself a puppy? A least that way you will have a dog to train, walk, get you out of the house and something to look after...and a great companion! I can't really offer any more advice because these circumstances are all individual but really and truly after six weeks you should not still be sleeping in a sleeping abg in a mates house. Get a new place, a new dog and a new life.

It will be hard but she'll have even less respect for you if she sees you 'being lazy' by sleeping on a floor and getting drunk all the time...she might respect you if she sees you getting on with your life and changing things for yourself. Good luck!

JCDUB

OP it's got to be tough on you, been there myself, only a 2 and a half year relationship though, now she's hooked up with somebody she worked with and we socialised with while we were together, major kick in the stones, but fook it, life goes on, they deserve each other......

As regards your situation, it's still very raw but believe me it gets better, I know it feels like the one person you want to talk to is the only one you can't, but you will find a way, by being strong and relying on whatever gets you through (pref not the pub though), until such time as you feel strong enough to get back out there and enjoy life again..

Believe me, it does happen, best of luck..

King of Kings

fdg wrote: »

some people never experience this and end up marrying someone completely unsuitable.

QFT
I did this and after a year of marriage it was over. thin yourself lucky and this is a transition. Your life ahead is a blank canvas it's up to you to do something with it.
Start by moving out of your mates. get your own place but I think you were too quickly to move out - it's your house too - move back in until it's sold or she can leave.no point you living on a couch. she is the one that ended it why should you suffer

misswex

After reading that all I wanted to do was give you a hug *hugs*

I think that you should definitely find somewhere more permanent and better to live than dossing in a sleeping bag at your mates house. I'm thinking though that you feel unready to do that as you are hoping that this is tempoary like last time and that she will change her mind again but you can't live your life like that. You deserve better.

Nothing is going to depress you more than sitting in a pub all night and then going back to a cold sleeping bag.

Show her what she is missing, start living life again.

CathyMoran

I am so sorry what has happened to you - my now hubby and I broke up after 6 years together and it broke my heart - I got my life back together and it turns out that he wanted a piece of it, there were more speed bumps along the way but we got married last December. You should get your life back, it will make you feel better and she may even want you back. Big hugs.

LegacyUser

thank you all for your kind words....

i really thought that i was going to get a lot of replys telling me to just get on with it.. but you guys have really really cheered me up.. i was thinking about getting my own place, but instead now i am going to stay in my friends house as his lodger cos he is looking for a lodger now after all his overtime has been cut.. i also have a bed now, and am going to make the box room my own, at least i can still have a bit of company with him and a laugh, i lived with him for 2 years about 7 years ago and we got on grand, so he is delighted with the idea of having a mate as a lodger instead of a stranger.. i am taking up jujitsu on mondays and thursdays from next week so i can get out of the house in a non pub enviroment and meet people and do something that requires disapline and will hopefully make me do other things better like looking after my body and keeping active.. so im looking forward to that.. i have also told most of my friends about the breakup too, i had been keeping it from people cos i was embarrised that i was dumped, and also i was in denial.. but i found it a bit of relief when i told people, like i was finally letting go.
i understand the post about not seeing her.. thats that hardest part since she was my best friend, but you right, i need to make a clean break if i am to stay sane..

im still getting bursts of positivity and bursts of depression, but i reckon with a bit more time and new hobbies and other things i will hopefully be ok.. i will post again in a few days and let you know how im getting on

thanks again for the support and hugs, i really needed it..