Don't know what to do about fight

lauren1980

Hi

Thanks for reading. Just dont know what to do about a fight i had with a friend about 3 months ago, it was never sorted out and now its getting me down:(. Before we had the fight we were getting on great saw her all the time every day, maybe even too much, bn on holidatys together the lot, got on great, she has been my friend since i was 5. Anyway one night 3 months ago when we were out we had a fight, not even to sure what it was about, she never did say - thats one of the reason i want to sort it out- or leas talk about it. Know one thing what it was about , but its something trivial so dont think it cud be the whole case. Anyway to cut a long story short, ive tried to sort it out a number of times- txts ect. initally she said she needed time - fair enough so i gave her 2 months- no contact. After that i was fed up and txt her to sort it out - feel very angry about it, ive known her so long but she cant be bothered to sort it out. She didnt reply, so i rung her, but she said she couldnt talk cud we chat later, she would ring me. Of course she didnt so i rung her again..same thing happend but she sounded really nervous on the phone. Now im just fed up..i dont know what to do..just want to talk to her to know either way if she wants to sort it out it wud be something, do u think i shud try to contact her again?? i know she wont make the effort to sort it , because when she has had fights with people before she was really hesitant to sort it out - i think she just wanted to avoid the confilict tbh. Anyway dont know what to do, an outside opinion wud be great, feel like im at the point where it needs to be sorted out or it never wil be. She ment alot to me, cos ive know her for so long and the usual story dont have lots of friends ect. Thinking of trying to sort it out 2moro again..but afaid by bombarding her with txts im making her pissed of..why is she so annoyin ect . Thanks

SarahSassy

Visit her and get an explanation to your face. Its most likely you have been doing something to annoy her for ages now and she had been penting it up but suddenly its all exploded over something basic... I had the same problem recently with a friend who never shut up a about her kids. We are friends for 25+ years and it took me 18 months to tell her... She had NO idea... She ended up getting upset and I have had to bite my tongue a number of time but in the end we both said our piece and its totally resolved... A long friendship is worth trying to keep.....

Remember men are for Christmas, friends are for life ... :D:D

loopyloulou

Same thing happened me about 8 years ago with my so called best friend at the time. We had, what i thought was a childish, ridiculous fight one day, the first one we'd ever had. I asked her to come over to my house to discuss it like adults and she never bothered. I only ever asked her once to sort it out, if she wasnt mature enough to talk about what had happened then i didnt want to know. We havent spoken since. I dont miss her.

But then thats just me, i think youve tried more than enough to sort things out with her and shes turned you down every time. Thats not a real friend in my book. Leave her be, if she comes back in the future to sort it out then ok, if she doesnt you'll know where you stand. Good luck with it anyway.
Lou

lauren1980

Thanks for the reply sassey sarah, took a double take there for a minuite when i read it , it sounded so apt i thought ya knew me!! a mutual friend told me it was about pent up stuff, that should have been said at the time but wasnt - funny i didnt know she was annoyed at all. Would like an explanation face to face , just dont want to look like a psycho or something calling up to the house if she dosnt wb to my texts! but think i will anyway to see what happens - hope shes in! Ye i agree with what previous poster said about not being mature enough - i would really prefer if she had made some effort to sort it - think i would want an explanation thought before i cud led it go to be honest.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Could she think you were clingy or selfish? (i don't neccesarily mean both)

I know it's awful for you but **** it, could you really see yourself being friends with someone who thought so little of you that they would drop you without an explanation?

SarahSassy

Glad I could be of service

I would want an explanation too... I am going to sound like Sally Jesse Raphael for a while - a friendship like this is like a long term relationship. Sometimes you just need some time away from each other and sometimes you need a good row. Patience and understanding is also needed. Give her time to cool down, she can have a think about the perceived 'wrong' you did to her and then land on top of her at home and find out what the story is....

Sometimes its easier for a friend to walk away than to explain whats wrong. Its so often such silly things over a long period of time that when you try to explain them you look stupid.

Good luck.

justsomebloke

maybe she just doesn't want to be friends with you anymore and rather then telling you she hates you she is just trying to ignore the fact and hopes that you will take they really big hint she is giving you

Gibbins123

I had a similar experience. We never got back in touch. And I also never really knew why.

I sometimes still think of her. But you know, she knows she has the option to get back in touch, but shes getting on with her life.

It is sad to loose a great friendship, but if she doesn't want to be friends any longer, then it won't happen. Both of you have to want it. And its her loss.

You could tell her one last thing, even if just in text...

"I really want us to still be friends, but you seem to have given up on our friendship. This is the last time i'll contact you, so if you ever change your mind, please get in touch"

I suggest you make other friends and let her go. It may take you a while, but don't feel sad about it. I know it seems like a big loss, but you are now open to meeting new people and new adventures and new friends!

Plan your next holiday with some friends!

Be glad for her if she is happy:)

xzanti

I was friends with a girl for years, since we were both about 11, did everything together, we were inseperable during our teens, went to the Gaelteacht and later on holidays abroad etc together and then when we were about 22 we had a falling out one night in town and just never patched things up, I contacted her about a year later and we met for drinks in town but it just wasn't the same, ended up just going home early and haven't spoken to her since... I still think about her now and then and wonder what she's up to, I don't even have her number though, it makes me sad that after all those years we just stopped being friends like that cause we were really close... OP if you can sort it out at all, do...

Chinafoot

lauren1980 wrote: »

i know she wont make the effort to sort it , because when she has had fights with people before she was really hesitant to sort it out - i think she just wanted to avoid the confilict tbh.

There's a difference between avoiding conflict and not caring. In this case, I'm sorry to say, I'd see it as the latter. You have given this girl ample opportunity to sort this out and she hasn't bothered her arse to make an effort.

I've been in this situation. A friend of over 10 years cut me out of his life very suddenly and I had no idea what happened. I tried to get an answer from him but I got nothing. He didnt reply to calls or messages and in the end, via this site, a friend of his let me know what the problem was. Apparently I hadn't made as much of effort with his then girlfriend as he would have liked when I first met her. (I would however like to point out that this was in a packed pub and they were busy arguing the corner so there wasn't much chance for me to talk to her.)

After a lot of trying to sort out a friendship that meant a lot to me I had to bite the bullet and accept that it obviously didnt mean as much to him, and thats not a friendship I want to have.

You have tried really hard to sort things out with this girl and she has not shown your friendship the same respect. Why would you want something so one-sided? I understand how hard it is to let go of something you've had for so many years but relationships, like the people in them, change.

If it was me I'd be walking away secure in the knowledge that I had done my best to save the friendship. You tried but she's the one who failed.

merritt

It sounds like you've done enough chasing, OP (perhaps too much).

The best you can do is tell her that you recognise the way things are now, you're sad about it, but that you would be happy to hear from her if she feels like it in the future.

I lost a friendship a few years ago, largely due to a friend's inability to accept that she had an alcohol problem that was negatively affecting many people around her. I said my piece, offered to help, but was not prepared to indulge her behaviour any longer. This went down like a lead balloon.

A few months later, we met randomly and she acted as if nothing had happened. I said "We really should talk" and she legged it. No contact since. While it's sad, it's where she's at right now and sometimes we just have to do what we can and let the other person live their own life.

Pigletlover

Off topic, but I found your post very difficult to read.

Maybe you should send her a text message saying that you'd like to meet up for a chat and sort things out. If she agrees to this then great, if not accept that she no longer wants to be friends with you and do not contact her again. I know it's hard to accept but sometimes friendships just run their course and there isn't much you can do about it.

ShawnRaven

Actually had this happen to me quite recently with someone who i would have considered one of my best friends in the past year and a half. Had an argument with her and to be fair, we were both pretty much at fault. After leaving it stew for 24 hours, hoping time would heal the wounds, it only dealt them.

Another 24 hours later she eventually decided to respond to my communication and after trashing it out, she just plain out didn't wanna know. That was that.

For me, i just left it at that. It's then a case of moving on, removing all memory of her and looking forward. I've more friends to socialise with. My only regret was ignoring other friends to solely concentrate on this one person as it felt like a waste of time. So i made amends with everyone else, moved on and haven't looked back since.

Worked for me
VR!