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Be completely honest with your OH or be discreet?

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  • 21-11-2007 6:55pm
    #1
    vorbis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,525 ✭✭✭


    There's a thread in PI at the moment about a guy whose girlfriend told him she had done a threesome before. It was before they got together so it shouldn't be an issue. My problem with it is that the guy would be better off not knowing.

    The other opinion would be that you should be completely open with your OH. I don't understand it myself but wonder how many would be like that.

    The same I guess would go for cheating (haven't done so myself). If you do cheat and want to stay with your OH then you probably shouldn't tell them. Being open about it again makes your OH feel awkward. I guess this could apply to a lot of stuff. Would you tell your partner absolutely everything about you or be discreet about the dodgy parts?

    Would you / Are you completely honest with your OH 20 votes

    Sure
    0% 0 votes
    Nope
    100% 20 votes


Comments

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    #2
    Rob_l
    Registered Users Posts: 2,905 ✭✭✭Rob_l


    Honesty is good to a point.

    I prefer to tell no lies than be honest
    If someone doesn't directly ask you about something you have no need ot tell them.


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    #3
    biko
    Registered Users Posts: 81,223 ✭✭✭✭biko


    Don't sweat the small stuff. There is no need to tell you OH everything, only things that will affect them directly somehow.


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    #4
    Latchy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 21,191 ✭✭✭✭Latchy


    Some things are best left unsaid ,wimmin can take what they wish out of the most innocent comments like ' oh i was chatting to julie in the lift today and it broke down ' .
    To your other half it means ' guess what ? ,the lift broke down today and he /snogged /shagged julie ' ..........imo :D


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    #5
    Fratton Fred
    Closed Accounts Posts: 26,567 ✭✭✭✭Fratton Fred


    If she had a threesome made up of two girls and a bloke, then she should tell im and suggest a repeat. If it was two blokes and her she should keep quiet about it and suggest a threesome with her best friend anyway.


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    #6
    Poppy Cock
    Closed Accounts Posts: 82 ✭✭Poppy Cock


    Rob_l wrote: »
    Honesty is good to a point.

    I prefer to tell no lies than be honest
    If someone doesn't directly ask you about something you have no need ot tell them.
    That's still a lie of ommission.


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    #7
    Gran Hermano
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,330 ✭✭✭Gran Hermano


    It's not a question of honesty; the main thing that gets people into
    trouble is not being able to control feelings of guilt ;)


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    #8
    ergonomics
    Registered Users Posts: 1,810 ✭✭✭ergonomics


    I tell my boyfriend everything and he tells me everything (or so I would imagine). I think it's why we're so strong. I can talk to him about everything, absolutely everything. I'd hate to think that some subjects were off limits or things were beng omitted.

    If things happened in the past that my other half couldn't deal with then we're not strong enough to last.


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    #9
    RoyalMarine
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,824 ✭✭✭RoyalMarine


    i was seeing a girl for a few months, and then she told me she had a relationship with a girl for several weeks. she also told me other things on similiar basis to this discussion. such as being un-faithful to her previous partners etc.

    it drove me mad for a long time and when i was finally able to talk to her about it, i realised its not something i wanted to know.
    it messed with my mind so much i couldnt deal with it and in the end it was a big part of why we broke up.


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    #10
    davejones
    Closed Accounts Posts: 125 ✭✭davejones


    Never never tell the truth especially to your girlfriend!
    That's just crazy talk.


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    #11
    Lands Leaving
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,145 ✭✭✭Lands Leaving


    Total honesty kills relationships. The more truth you tell the worse it gets. Yes Jessica Alba has a nicer bum than you. I can't help that. ANGER

    Yes I was talking to that girl, was she pretty, yeah. SLAP!

    Your younger sister - yeah she is like a better version of you. SLAM! out that door.

    So you see how honesty is the worst policy.


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    #12
    randylonghorn
    Moderators, Education Moderators Posts: 29,509 Mod ✭✭✭✭randylonghorn


    Fratton Fred wrote: »
    If she had a threesome made up of two girls and a bloke, then she should tell im and suggest a repeat. If it was two blokes and her she should keep quiet about it and suggest a threesome with her best friend anyway.
    I like your thinking, Fred! :D


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    #13
    Black Swan
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 47,236 CMod ✭✭✭✭Black Swan


    It would appear from this thread that some people do not truly want to know their partner, or for their partner to know them?


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    #14
    RoyalMarine
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,824 ✭✭✭RoyalMarine


    Blue_Lagoon wrote: »
    It would appear from this thread that some people do not truly want to know their partner, or for their partner to know them?

    would you not see it like this?

    example 1
    i want to know my partner, but i dont want to know that she had a threesome with 2 fella's? or that she got drunk at a party and let x amount of people do things to her.

    example 2
    man and woman are married. woman tells man she cheated on her ex's.
    woman then starts talking to the fella she cheated with.
    how would you feel?

    would you want to know that? i know i wouldnt want to know.
    somethings are better left un-said.


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    #15
    Lands Leaving
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,145 ✭✭✭Lands Leaving


    Some things are just best left in the past. And some things, depending on the person, need not be mentioned. If he/she is the jealous type its far easier to not say that you were talking to some guy/girl, even if its for totally innocent reasons, to avoid a row that need not happen, because you know yourself that you have no intentions of doing anything that SHOULD hurt him/her. as opposed to admitting to absurd things that hurt him/her for no reason.


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    #16
    milli
    Closed Accounts Posts: 219 ✭✭milli


    Poppy Cock wrote: »
    That's still a lie of ommission.

    I don't agree with you there! I don't know everything about my OH's past, he doesn't know everything about mine and we're perfectly happy that way.


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    #17
    thefinalstage
    Registered Users Posts: 3,502 ✭✭✭thefinalstage


    Is the guy from the other threat upset? As long as it involved two woman.


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    #18
    azezil
    Registered Users Posts: 11,397 ✭✭✭✭azezil


    I used to operate on a be completely open about my past policy, it really doesn't work out well, so I'm going to be keeping stuff to myself from now on!


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    #19
    davejones
    Closed Accounts Posts: 125 ✭✭davejones


    azezil wrote: »
    I used to operate on a be completely open about my past policy, it really doesn't work out well, so I'm going to be keeping stuff to myself from now on!


    What is it that your hiding?


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    #20
    *Lees*
    Closed Accounts Posts: 491 ✭✭*Lees*


    I am totally honest with him about everything relative to our relationship! However, when it comes to past relationships I don't want to know about his ex girlfriends and he doesn't want to know about mine!!! I don't understand why some couples need to know everything!


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    #21
    Pighead
    Registered Users Posts: 14,184 ✭✭✭✭Pighead


    davejones wrote: »
    What is it that your hiding?
    He's really a hetero.


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    #22
    RobAMerc
    Registered Users Posts: 5,863 ✭✭✭RobAMerc


    You cannot live life in black and white you shouldn't try to keep your relationship like that either.

    If you think your partner will be cool about it and you need to get it off your chest then tell them - if you think for a moment it might hurt them and you can live without telling them then don't - your honesty could ruin a great relationship forever.

    I don't need to know everything my partner ever did and I sure don't want them to know eveything I did so....


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    #23
    Hezz700
    Registered Users Posts: 652 ✭✭✭Hezz700


    You are not answerable to current partners about what happened in your past.

    If you truly know your other half it should be blindingly obvious to you weather or not the gritty sordid details of your past will or will not cause trouble.

    Some people are more self-assured than others and therefore react differently.

    I for one reckon that the wilder antics of my partners past is none of my concern. i don't need to know, and vise versa. It would be downright foolish to believe you knew all that was to be known about your partner.


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