break up

john1963

my girlfriend broke it off with me saying the relationship was going nowhere. i suppose i was not fully committed because my parents were unwell and i was busy looking after them . i was not happy when we split but i respected her opinion. 6 weeks later we got back together and things were going well. but i discovered that she had slept with another guy during this time. i cannot understand why she did this. He was 13 years older than her and is bisexual.i doubt that particular relationship was going to be any better than the one she had with me. i am hurt that she seemed to get over me in 2 or 3 weeks. hurt she lied to me and hurt because i was so lonely when we were apart but she was out with him. Am i unreasonable, should i finish with her

LadyJ

Sleeping with someone else doesn't mean she's over you. The guy probably showed her some attention when she needed it,she felt wanted and it just happened. Rebound is all it was I'd be willing to bet my life on it.

Cathmandooo

Same thing happened me, broke up with my fella after over a year for 2 weeks and he'd been off with some other girl. It really hurt cos I had been totally miserable for those 2 weeks and hadnt thought of going after anyone else! It didnt work out with us and we split for good a couple of months after. I never forgave him while with him for jumping into bed with someone so soon and I could never get past it.

We've since been mates and he explained that he was also really miserable when we broke up but he had few friends and going off shagging some bird helped him through it. I dont think your gf was over you that quickly just because she was with someone else but I can understand how much it hurts. I only got over it when I realised that he was really hurting as much as I was when we broke up, we all just deal with it in different ways!

How did you find out she was with someone? I wouldnt break up with her over it as you were broken up at the time and she was single (as much as it hurts to think about it!)

starflake

john1963 wrote: »

my girlfriend broke it off with me saying the relationship was going nowhere. i suppose i was not fully committed because my parents were unwell and i was busy looking after them . i was not happy when we split but i respected her opinion. 6 weeks later we got back together and things were going well. but i discovered that she had slept with another guy during this time. i cannot understand why she did this. He was 13 years older than her and is bisexual.i doubt that particular relationship was going to be any better than the one she had with me. i am hurt that she seemed to get over me in 2 or 3 weeks. hurt she lied to me and hurt because i was so lonely when we were apart but she was out with him. Am i unreasonable, should i finish with her

don't. Lots of things could have contributed to ger doing this. Lonliness is a big part of break ups. She probably missed you and felt like she needed some affection. You really need to talk to her. It happened when you two broke up, you need to just come out and ask her why it happened, talk through it. Dont make any decisions on it until you talk to her first!

Carrigart Exile

john1963 wrote: »

my girlfriend broke it off with me saying the relationship was going nowhere. i suppose i was not fully committed because my parents were unwell and i was busy looking after them . i was not happy when we split but i respected her opinion. 6 weeks later we got back together and things were going well. but i discovered that she had slept with another guy during this time. i cannot understand why she did this. He was 13 years older than her and is bisexual.i doubt that particular relationship was going to be any better than the one she had with me. i am hurt that she seemed to get over me in 2 or 3 weeks. hurt she lied to me and hurt because i was so lonely when we were apart but she was out with him. Am i unreasonable, should i finish with her

if its going to eat you up then it is better you get out now. If you can get over it, you may wish to have health checks undertaken regarding stds

That_Guy

I know it might feel like betrayal that she did that but after a break up you just wanna get with somebody so badly just to feel wanted/needed. It happened to me after my girlfriend broke up with me.
We never got back together though so I can't really understand how you're feeling but this is all I can really say on the matter.

john1963

thanks folks for replies, i found out about her fling when i found condoms in her place, she admitted then. she swears that they started having sex but that she stopped it before it went very far. maybe it is a self esteem thing with me that makes it hurt. thanks for sensible advice folks

Gary ITR

Same thing happened me, but I got over it and couldn't really blame her for it. We went on to have a committed relationship for the next four years and eventually split but for totally different reasons

Pigletlover

You're bound to be really cut up about this but don't end things straight away. Explain to your girlfriend that you're finding it hard to get your head around her being with someone else, but that you love her so you're willing to try and put it behind you. If you don't feel any better in a few weeks maybe then consider ending things. This is something that some people learn to deal with but others can't. You'll never know unless you try.

LadyJ

The thing is is that it probably meant nothing to her and, in general, women care more about the intimacy rather than the sex. That's why a lot of women are just as concerned if their man has what is called "an emotional affair". It is easier for them to handle their guy cheating if it is meaningless sex rather than an emotional attachment.

However, the problem is that men,in general, are more physically territorial so they care more about their girlfriend sleeping with someone else. That's why this is so hard for you OP. You have to look at it from her point of view though. It probably meant absolutely nothing to her and was just a mistake. Something she did on the spur of the moment.

You were apart when it happened so don't let this ruin everything.