Kinda feel like I've woken up and my whole life has changed

jesus smith

In the past 4 months I’ve managed to lose my girlfriend, apartment, all my friends and my job. Truth be told a great deal of it was subconscious, some of it deliberate and the rest unavoidable.
I decided I wanted a change in life and wanted to maybe travel or move somewhere else, that my life had become far to samey and i was beginning to see my life stretched out ahead of me as the same day repeated over and over.
I felt the relationship was doomed, I hated the job and wanted something more meaning full and my friends were not really that good as friend, more so just drinking buddies who I seen too much, the apartment was in truth very cool but likewise I felt I couldn’t do anything because if I went anywhere what would happen to my stuff etc.

So I lost everything and am starting pretty much from scratch and I do sometimes feel it’s what I want then other times I feel that I’ve made a huge mistake. It’s like I’ve up heaved my whole life over a pipe dream but I think too many things happened all at once and I now feel very lonely confused and the weirdest thing of all is my home, It feels like It’s not mine, It feels totally different, my life is just in such a drastically different place that I feel lost and freaked by ordinary things about the place, It just doesn’t look right to me, like I’m in a bad dream or something I just can’t put my finger on it.
I’m getting panic attacks more and more regularly and have developed some serious issues with my self esteem.
I’m now convinced I smell and I’m over weight and I’m sweating too much. My friends think I'm crazy and I'm working myself up over nothing but I don't know. I have nothing but nightmares and haven't slept well in a long time
I can’t relax when I’m talking to girls (this is in part due to the fact that I still miss my ex girlfriend quite a bit) but I really don’t know what to do, I’m in this weird mess where I’m repressing a lot of anger and fear and the slightest thing will send me into a deep dark depression.
Since all this I've managed to get the job I wanted or at least a low level one which might lead me to it and I've met one or two new friends and had some interest from girls but I cant seem to get over the initial panic of so much change enough to enjoy it.
every thing's changed so much so quickly that I'm really at odds in my own skin and don't know what to do.
anyone been through something similar?

humanji

In fairness, it doesn't sound like you have a problem at all, you just think you do. And as a result, you're working yourself into a depression. Eat healthy and get regular exercise. If you were overweight and smell, then this would sort that out (not saying you're either by the way, but there's the psychological aspect you've to battle too, so this will help).

Every now and again, just take a step back and try and relax. A big change in life is always overwhelming at first, but you'll soon settle in to it. Take your time and you'll soon be enjoying yourself again.

And if you're still struggling to cope, then you could try just talking it over with one of your friends, or if you think you might be embarressed, you could go to a counsellor. IT'd be easier for you to talk this over with someone face to face than over the internet.

Gemini Sister

With the panic attacks and the lack of sleep its sounding like a bit of a nervous breakdown. It can happen to the best of us. As above poster said, eat well (that can't be stressed enough, especially oily fish for omega oil, good for the brain), regular exercise & maybe talk to someone. Also try to stop blaming yourself. You made those decisions for a reason. This is just a transitional stage.
What happened to the dreams of going travelling? Maybe get onto that when you're feeling strong enough. Travelling is very good for the soul.

ixus

Ok, so you subconsciously did all this? If that's true, then you let your relationships self destruct on purpose because you wanted change. Right?

You still have friends, just not the "drinking buddies". Right?

How did you "lose" your apartment? Sell it? Make money?

Are you in financial debt?

If you've no debt and are on a blank canvass with no real worries in life apart from being smelly, I think you're in a good position.

Take up yoga and learn to chill out...seriously..it's good.

You've got your foot in the door where you think you want to be professionally.

Maybe you've just go too much time on your hands to think about "stuff" seeing as bird and drink buddies are gone?

As an old Ixus proverb goes "Life starts out easy, we just make it difficult."