Dating 3 months

LegacyUser

I've been dating a guy for 3 months now...in general things are going quite well...but at the same time lately I've been wondering where it's all going...surely after 3 months I'd be right to start asking questions? Friends have been asking me is he my boyfriend etc and I have no answers to give them. I like him, we get on really well, have fun together and are attracted to eachother but after asking him last week where did he think it was going he said he didn't know. He said he really liked hanging out with me and being with me and we have fun together but he doesn't know if he wants it to get to anything more than that, he's not sure if he wants it to be a serious relationship. Yet he says that he likes being with me, he wouldn't be with me if he didn't think there was something there and I asked well do you just want to see how it goes then and he said yes....

He blows hot and cold a lot....one day he's all touchy feely and affectionate and the next he barely kisses me goodbye and I just don't know where I stand...yes he likes being with me and wants to continue seeing me but at the same time he doesn't know if he wants it to go any further than that.

I really like him...I have feelings for him but this is making me so miserable...is he going to turn around some day soon and say he's just not feeling it or should I continue seeing him because I do really like him and like we both said, see how it goes? I know he doesn't know what he wants, that's fair enough but at the same time shouldn't you at least know how you feel about someone after 3 months?

I suppose what I'm asking here is does it sound like he's just doing this because he likes my company or does he think he might have stronger feelings for me in the future?

I've put off posting this for a while when I see everyone else on here's problems and people that have been in long term relationships etc...I know 3 months is nothing really but everyone's problems are their own I guess?

Any advice? Get out now (which is the last thing I want to do to be honest) or hang in there and see if it does go anywhere?

Thanks

How Strange

Any advice? Get out now (which is the last thing I want to do to be honest) or hang in there and see if it does go anywhere?

They seem to be your options alright. I'd say maybe relax a little about the big questions like 'where are we going' 'are we serious' etc etc.

TBH, I felt pretty much like your bf when I was seeing my bf for 3 months and we are still together three years later. Realistically, you still don't really know each other, you are tip toeing around on your best behaviour (as you should be) and the relationship will either evolve in its own time or it won't. Trying to push it forward and make it something it isn't will put both of you under pressure.

I think your bf has been honest with you by saying at this stage he doesn't know. Maybe you need to stop thinking so much about it in the larger context and just enjoy it for what it is at the moment.

LegacyUser

Thank you How Strange...I suppose the killer line for me was "I don't know if my heart's in it enough for it to be a serious boyfriend/girlfriend relationship"...yet at the same time he still wants to continue seeing me and see how it goes...

I just feel that I like him a lot more than he likes me....I rarely fall for someone, this is the first guy in years that's come along who really has knocked me for six.

Thank you for advice HS...I guess you're right, stop thinking too much and just enjoy it for what it is. But the hot and cold thing really confuses me...maybe that's because he's confused about the way he feels? He said he rarely gets beyond the 2/3 date stage with girls so 3 months is a big deal for him...I know I should just relax (and I'm not going to pester him about this, I'm not like that anyway) but when you get that gut feeling that you like someone a lot more than they like you it isn't a very nice feeling you know...

MayMay

OP in the greater scheme of things 3 months isn't that long at all and I know tht it is to you right now but it's still early days and at least he's being honest in saying that he just doesn't know how he feels yet....I wouldn't necessarily take it as a bad sign, everyone takes different times to realise how they feel. He's confused...give him time, he'll make up his mind eventually....hopefully not too far down the line and hopefully in your favour. Best of luck with it, I know unrequited love is horrible but hang in there, him wanting to see how things go is still a good thing, it's not all doom and gloom.

That_Guy

Dating is a totally different thing to actually going out with someone. It's not exactly exclusive if you know what I mean.
3 months is a short time to be dating one guy.
Yes, ok you may really like him but it'd be wrong of you to just get hung up on one guy. You should keep your options open for a while and maybe see other guys too. Then maybe somewhere down the line you will actually start going out with that other guy.

LegacyUser

Thanks That Guy....I know what you're saying, 3 months isn't that long....but as for dating other guys it's not what I want, I know how much I like him and I don't even look at other guys (I know I'm the only girl he's seeing too)...I suppose I rely on him a lot (I'm not clingy, we see eachother twice a week or so) but he was one of the first people I got to know when I moved back here from London so I suppose it's a comfort thing aswell. I'm just scared of losing him. I know 3 months is nothing compared to some of the problems on here but I just get the vibe that I like him a lot more than he likes me and I'll be broken hearted if this doesn't go anywhere...like I said, I rarely fall for guys, I get asked out a lot and have no problem in that department but for me he has pretty much everything I look for and I knew myself after a month how I felt...maybe it just hurts that he doesn't know....like I said I won't pester him about this again but I'm wondering if I should get now before I get even more hurt if his heart just isn't in it. He's all about me one day and not at all the next, it's mixed signals and I don't know where I stand.

That_Guy

If you want things to work take a calm approach towards things. Don't let yourself seem anxious or anything because then he may feel like you're pressuring him for a decison which isn't really fair on him. I know you really like him a lot but don't let it take over.
Even if it doesn't work out, hopefully it will, he's just one guy and remember it's only been three months.
Think of the bigger picture, should it not work out, there'll be other guys and maybe you'll even last 3 years with him.

Best of luck.

Pigletlover

I think that after 3 months of seeing someone you should rule out dating other people. Your 'boyfriend' may not want a serious relationship, which is understandable after a couple of months but you should clarify that you are seeing each other on an exclusive basis. Don't worry if you like hime more than he likes you, in the early stages of any relationship it's perfectly normal for one person to have stronger feelings than the other person. Just do as you both decided and see how it goes, you don't have to put a label on your relationship.

LegacyUser

Pigletlover wrote: »

I think that after 3 months of seeing someone you should rule out dating other people. Your 'boyfriend' may not want a serious relationship, which is understandable after a couple of months but you should clarify that you are seeing each other on an exclusive basis. Don't worry if you like hime more than he likes you, in the early stages of any relationship it's perfectly normal for one person to have stronger feelings than the other person. Just do as you both decided and see how it goes, you don't have to put a label on your relationship.

Thanks Pigletlover....yes we've establised that it we're both not seeing other people so that's something I suppose. Thanks for your advice.

That_Guy

sadgirl wrote: »

Thanks Pigletlover....yes we've establised that it we're both not seeing other people so that's something I suppose. Thanks for your advice.

Ah right. My bad. Well that's positive then.

MayMay

It sounds to me as if you're quite lonely anyway? If you've just moved back recently maybe you need to get out there and make more friends instead of focusing so much on him? All I'm saying is don't make him your life. Enjoy your time together but make sure you get out there and have other people in your life too.