All My Days

joe_dunne

Hi all, it's been quite a while since i posted so here is something.
As ever all comments very much appriciated

All My Days

I used to have to make an effort,
To see your smile about the place
An effort that was too much for me
It’s an effort I didn’t make
We both had our lives to live,
Like busy little bees,
Now I can spend all my time with thee.

I talk more to you now
Then before you went away
On one hand I really like that,
But it’s still embarrassing to say.
The things I thought were important,
We’re just whispers on the breeze,
Now I can talk my days away with thee.

I can’t even have a drink in peace,
For your always sitting there,
Just barley out of view,
Showing me you still care,
I thought I had to spend my life,
Like a busy little bee,
Now I can share my hospitality with thee.

When I need someone to talk you,
I silently turn to you,
I spill my guts without fear or fuss,
Your council always true,
If the answers that come into my head
Are full of wisdom there not from me
Now I can half my passing woes with thee.

Joe Dunne

supertramp

Good.

One thing I would change, in my opinion, is that the word 'effort' is used too much in the first verse. it's not the most beautiful of words to the ear

WunderGirl

I agree that the word effort is used a bit too much in the first verse.

Also a few other things;

Just barley out of view, <-- I think you mean "barely" right?

and

When I need someone to talk you, <-- does "you" = "to" here?
Are full of wisdom there not from me <-- there = "they're" right?

I really love the last verse. It's the best one, and I can relate to it. All in all a good piece What inspired you to write this, I'm just curious.

trinitrotoluene

i think it's more like

"full of wisdom, there not from me"

as though talking about how the wisdom itself is a thing that is THERE but not because of him

i dnt think it's grammatically incorrect

lol only me and writing my style could prolly figure that **** out tho (i have like no grammatical boundries whatsoever)

WunderGirl

Yes, I see it now. That could be right after all. I didn't even think of it that way, but it makes more sense as "there" now instead of "they're"

trinitrotoluene wrote: »

i think it's more like

"full of wisdom, there not from me"

as though talking about how the wisdom itself is a thing that is THERE but not because of him

i dnt think it's grammatically incorrect

lol only me and writing my style could prolly figure that **** out tho (i have like no grammatical boundries whatsoever)

trinitrotoluene

:d!

Toche Guevara

The form is very pleasing to the eye.:)

joe_dunne

Hi all

Thanks for all the feedback.

You'll have to forgive the appalling spelling and grammer, I should take more time to proof but I never do.

Point taken about the word "effort" in the first verse, when i read it back if was obvious.

It was inspired by a death of a favorite uncle who had a wonderful story about a milk shortage, a skinfull of beer and a billy goat I never got to hear "one last time"

Thanks again

Joe