Grandmother :(

needhelpguy

My poor grandmother has cancer and has only a few months left. i don't know what to do. I am a 22 year old guy and this is my first experience of death. She practically raised me. Nicest, kindest woman ever. I'm not sure why I'm posting I dont know what to feel or do or say. I want to go to sleep and wake up when it's all over.

star-pants

Hi OP - firstly I'd like to extend my sympathy on this harsh news.
I do understand somewhat where you are coming from, I lost my granda just over a month ago to cancer. In saying that, he was diagnosed with class 5 cancer back in March, they gave him a few months. In June they gave him 1 month. In August they gave him 3 weeks.
During all this time, my father & his sisters had rotas of visiting him (had to make sure he took his meds etc) and he was unaware he had cancer (his familys wishes), he had a kidney infection too so he 'believed' he was being treated for that. I know he knew though. One day waiting for the ambulance he turned to me and said 'so - how long have I left?' -- in my shock I joked it off. He lasted another 5-6wks after that.

Basically - all you can do is help them enjoy the life they have left - your grandmother (goodness forbid) could go next month or in 6 months. Spend time with her, enjoy her company. All you can do is be there for them.
The best moment I remember is my grandas last few days in the hospice (he really had a great few days there - we got him his elusive woodbine cigarettes & he was well happy), all the family were there, cousins, aunties, and we just had a great laugh. He wasn't conscious but he could hear us I'm sure.

My heart goes out to you and your family - it's never ever an easy thing and there's no rule book on how to cope. Best you can do is continue normal as possible but make sure you all get to spend time with her.
x x x

LadyJ

Hi OP,

My Granny raised me too and she suffered with cancer for about 4 years before she died. I was 19 at the time. She was an amazing person and it was awful to have to watch her go through all of that but I am so grateful that I got to spend so much time with her before she actually died.

The good thing about this is that you now know how precious your time together is and you will make every day count.

It is so hard in the final days but just sit with her and chat to her and lie beside her. I used to play music and read to my Granny even in the last few days when she couldn't speak and was only semi-conscious but I know she was glad I was there. She would squeeze my hand from time to time.

You know what lies ahead so it's ok to be sad but just make the most of the time you've got now.

Death is really hard no matter how it happens. My mother died far more suddenly when I was 11 but Granny's death was just as hard in the long run. However at least when you know someone is dying you can make the effort not to leave anything unsaid.

Mr. Incognito

My dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer in Feb and is going down hill so I know how you feel. It's kinda surreal till they start getting sick and you know they're not going to get better. Just be patient and be there and as my dad put it himself at least he has time to say goodbye.

****ing cancer.

Hooly22

My grandad was diagnosed with cancer in August. It hit me ****ing hard, as I was extremely close to him, so I understand how upsetting it is, and how angry you might be.

Just spend as much time with her as possible. At the start, I found it so hard to go and see him, because I just didn't want to see him get worse, but now, I look forward to going to see him.


Good Luck X

nmk

LadyJ wrote: »

The good thing about this is that you now know how precious your time together is and you will make every day count.

You know what lies ahead so it's ok to be sad but just make the most of the time you've got now.

at least when you know someone is dying you can make the effort not to leave anything unsaid.

Hi OP

Lovely post ladyj, talking about death/preparing for death is so trite unless someone has been in that situation they can't know how to deal with it. OP take care of yourself in this time and post here/talk to friends/family if things are getting on top of you.I'm so sorry for your bad news.

I have been around death a lot in a professional capacity and it never ceases to affect me. From being a witness to many people preparing to let a loved one go the only thing I can say is that you will be a support to your granny during this time. Never feel like you are helpless and can't do anything for her. You clearly love her dearly and she will sense this and it will make things easier for her to have you there for her.

nmk

CathyMoran

Is there any chance that she will make it? I am only 33 and in remission at the moment after a very bad diagnosis (8% survival rate). I would not give up hope yet. If she is going to pass away then all that you can do is spend time with her and hope that you are there when she dies - my grandmother died at 100 and it was one of the most beautiful things that I have ever seen. I was there to feed her for her last time and have some great memories. Sure, I still miss her but I know that she is in a better place.

deisemum

CathyMoran has posted similar to what I was going to post.

My dad was given 3 weeks to live when he was 49 years old, from lung cancer (he didn't smoke) but he survived the surgery and lived another 16+ years until he got a different type of cancer and only lived another 6 or 7 months.

It is so difficult watching someone go downhill. Also anytime the phone rang wondering if it would be very bad news. Fortunately I went to visit my home place (other side of the country) the night before my Dad went into a coma but we all thought he'd have a few more weeks. We were all there when he passed away.

I found it very stressful during the months before he died but once he died that stress went and was replaced by grief.

Take care of yourself