Life Passing Me By

LegacyUser

I am writing this in desperation. I am 28, good looking, have a good family life but seem to be in a constant state of sadness, frustration, anger and anxiety. For so many reasons, I feel i am missing out in life which constantly gets me down. Since my mid-teens, I have not had a close circle of friends despite the fact that I am easy going, friendly and have a good sense of humour. I did not like school or many people i went to school with and this has affected me well in to my twenties. I would like nothing more than to go out every weekend but cannot do so as I have no friends at home. I have recently moved away from home and I am just hoping things will change now that I have made a fresh start. I have also never had a gf which really gets me down and feel like there is no-on else in my position. Any girl i have met seems to be in a relationship and I just don't know how to go about meeting the right girl or even someone I can settle down with. Anyone i know at home of my age all have gfs and i just feel totally left out and sad.

Added to that i feel like a complete failure as even though i am well educated to an honours degree level, I have been stuck for the last number of years in a job i am overqualified for with no promotion prospects despite the fact I could do better than my so-called superiors but the system won't allow it so I feel that my life is being wasted on the career front aswell. I have considered emigrating and making a new start in life.

thanks

EoimarMuppet

This might sound harsh mate, and i dont mean it to. But your asking the wrong people here. I am not saying the lads here are bad people etc but they are not qualified to deal with this. John will say one thing, Mary will say another. You will be more confused than ever.
You have prob heard this a million times man, (your a man right?) but what you need to do is ring the samaritans or someone of that nature. Professionals who know the problem, understand it and can point you in the right direction. But serioulsy my friend, this place, try as it might, in the long run, wont help.
Best of luck

Marksie

Liamwalkisntown you have hit the PI forum with incorrect threads and now are making comments like the above.

I warned you by PM.

Banned

togster

LiamWalkinstown wrote: »

This might sound harsh mate, and i dont mean it to. But your asking the wrong people here. I am not saying the lads here are bad people etc but they are not qualified to deal with this. John will say one thing, Mary will say another. You will be more confused than ever.
You have prob heard this a million times man, (your a man right?) but what you need to do is ring the samaritans or someone of that nature. Professionals who know the problem, understand it and can point you in the right direction. But serioulsy my friend, this place, try as it might, in the long run, wont help.
Best of luck

Jumpin the gun a bit there Liam.

@ OP

All you can do is keep trying. Quit your job, move abroad, get a new job meet someone. You are only wasting it if you let it slip through your fingers. Seriously man seize the moment. Start now, quit procrastinating, get up and do something. Write down what you want to achieve. Tommoroow start organising how you can do that.

Carpe Diem.

Lux23

Hi there,

To be honest you sound exactly like me. I had a few friends in school but for one reason or another I lost touch with them all. I spent the the first few years of my 20s staying in every weekend wondering when my life would begin. Then when after a terrible bout of depression I just had enough so I moved into a house with three strangers and I haven't looked back. I have made loads of good friends and I am alot more confident then I once was. I see that you have moved away from home so this should make it easier fo you to meet new people. You have made the first step so just take it easy and you will get there.

As for a rubbish job and no partner. Well I am the same as you, I am educated but I prefer to do an easier job for less money but if you want to move on start looking elsewhere. I am in the same boat realtionship wise too so all I can say is that if you don't have many friends its hard to meet single girls, but let me tell you we are everywhere!! Concentrate on making friends and the girlfriend should follow.

estar

just to clarify

the role of the samaritans is to listen and they are instructed
not to give advice.

they are purely there to give emotional support. they dont solve problems.

anyway
op you seem very negative and down on yourself.
sometimes everything in our lives can seem bad and wrong
and not working out. travel might be an option, but sometimes
when you travel away from a problem the problem comes
with you, as the problem is how you think about yourself.

my advice, which is of course subjective, would be to maybe
consider volunteering doing something - you meet people, you
give back and feel useful, you broaden your range of experience.

sometimes feeling needed and useful can be a wonderful self
esteem boost and from givng you get back.

so what you havent had a girlfriend. id rather have had no girlfriend
than a string of mistakes or one night stands.

some girl is going to be so lucky to meet you, so go with the flow
of your life there is no one way to be. life isnt all about being
like everyone else, having what they have, keeping up. life isnt
a competition. if you appear happy with what you have got,
most people accept that - they dont look at you and say
god what a loser - he has no girlfriend. they say - oh look, theres
mr x - hes happy with his lot. many guys are avoiding having
girlfriends at your age, and trying to stay free and single.

be yourself and try and enjoy being you.
i would seek out any and all opportunities to just get out and have
a laugh. do your colleagues go out for beers ?
if there arent going out opportunities, suggest some, join the social
committee at work, join clubs - martial arts clubs appear to have
a social dimension, first aid clubs have been mentiond here.

get out of your head and into living every day.

best of luck.

LouOB

I read an article once that changed my view (only when im in good humor).

Write down a list of what makes you happy and then set goals to do them.
If you feeling down take out the list and remember the good times or do another item on the list.

Re over qualified - maybe going out with work colleagues will show bosses you can interact and never know a work romance and promotion might follow. Just an idea. Or you could end up getting really drunk and make arse of yourself. Next day in work you have new friends as you and them are laughing how drunk you got. Conversation started anyway...

LegacyUser

lifepassingmeby wrote: »

I am writing this in desperation. I am 28, good looking, have a good family life but seem to be in a constant state of sadness, frustration, anger and anxiety. For so many reasons, I feel i am missing out in life which constantly gets me down. Since my mid-teens, I have not had a close circle of friends despite the fact that I am easy going, friendly and have a good sense of humour. I did not like school or many people i went to school with and this has affected me well in to my twenties. I would like nothing more than to go out every weekend but cannot do so as I have no friends at home. I have recently moved away from home and I am just hoping things will change now that I have made a fresh start. I have also never had a gf which really gets me down and feel like there is no-on else in my position. Any girl i have met seems to be in a relationship and I just don't know how to go about meeting the right girl or even someone I can settle down with. Anyone i know at home of my age all have gfs and i just feel totally left out and sad.

Added to that i feel like a complete failure as even though i am well educated to an honours degree level, I have been stuck for the last number of years in a job i am overqualified for with no promotion prospects despite the fact I could do better than my so-called superiors but the system won't allow it so I feel that my life is being wasted on the career front aswell. I have considered emigrating and making a new start in life.

thanks

same with me and i think its the case with a lot of people,
i moved away from home straight after secondary school and by now i have only one
person at home that i could really call a friend, its got to the point where i hate going
home becuase same as you ive no friends there any more.
christmas is the worst becuase your family wants you home but i hate being there bacuse
its so boring without any social life.
I moved to dublin 6 years ago not knowing anyone and i have a good set of friends here now. mainly through work or house sharing with people. it wont happen straight away
give it time if you have just moved out from home.

Marksie

Marksie wrote: »

Liamwalkisntown you have hit the PI forum with incorrect threads and now are making comments like the above.

I warned you by PM.

Banned

I'm sorry, but that was arguably the most logical suggestion that has been posted on the PI forum in a while. If this gent has a serious issue, he should go and see a professional. Would you go ask an untrained mechanic on how to fix a car??

Hey OP, your last paragraph makes you sound like the borg queen... an all knowing entity from the Delta quadrant. Could this have anything to do with your problem?

I rest my case senator.

LegacyUser

Hello,

Exactly like me too and i'm 28 also! I have a good job but everyone thinks i'm a workaholic. I'm not, but it's all i have to keep me occupied in life. As far as friends go - a disaster! I made very few friends in school/college too.

After 3 years of being single I finally met somone a few months ago, but it doesn't appear to be working out. His problems are identical to ours (very few friends, not happy in work etc) but no matter how much I try to bring him out of his shell and go out to places - it's not working. He is introverted - even though well educated etc. Commitment shy too - i never know where i stand with him.

I'm considering moving abroad in the new year too- but sometimes i wonder if it's 'running away' from the situation.

I suppose we just have to keep plodding along until fate delivers us something to look forward too.

Good luck

kowloon

Deleted User wrote: »

I'm sorry, but that was arguably the most logical suggestion that has been posted on the PI forum in a while. If this gent has a serious issue, he should go and see a professional. Would you go ask an untrained mechanic on how to fix a car??

Hey OP, your last paragraph makes you sound like the borg queen... an all knowing entity from the Delta quadrant. Could this have anything to do with your problem?

I rest my case senator.

Agree with the first part, professional help is best, but an internet board is anonymous, moreso than a phoneline, sometimes thats why people can't ring the samaritans or go to someone in person.

As for the second paragraph, my spidey senses are tingling, methinks a ban or stern warning is on the way.

LegacyUser

Thanks guys. Should have left out the "desperation" piece at the start and the last paragraph also. More frustrated than depressed if anything else. Things are slowly beginning to look up on most fronts. will seek out professional help/counselling re life issues/carreer. The move away from home has been a good thing- applied for a change of work location today aswell. Not there by any means yet but am determined to overcome this and not look back on the past. Again thanks.