GF kissed other guy

LegacyUser

Hey folks
just wanted some advice about this?
Last week my gf went out with some mates, drinking all night and ended up kissing some guy! She then told me this the other day cause she said she felt bad about it! Now I dont know what to do cause I do really like her but we're only going out a month and she's already cheating! now I know it was only a kiss but it still hurts that she would do that! I told I need some space to think what to do, and i've been thinking about ending big time but the problem is we get on really well and i do care alot about her!!
Any ideas!

Lux23

The fact that she told can show that she really cares about you. Alot of people cheat early on in serious realtionships and it often reinforces the fact that you do want to be with the person in your own mind. Do tell her how this has made you feel but if I was you I would take the chance with her.

Kaldorn

give her a break,there is an unofficial 2 month period at the start where you can still have the odd snog,you have no claim on her really ...especially after 4 weeks..move on and as your relationship develops she wont have any interest elsewhere and either will you.give her a chance and dont go to town on her cause she will just say "ok bubye"

Mr. Incognito

Hmmm, personal call. If you were officially going out and had had "the talk" I'd have to let her go as it doesn't bode well for the future. If you've only been meeting and not properly going out then you'd better sit her down and see where you both want this to go.

Reku

I suppose the real key here is whether or not you think you can ever entirely trust her again as if not what future does a relationship without complete trust really have?

Umaro

Kaldorn wrote: »

give her a break,there is an unofficial 2 month period at the start where you can still have the odd snog,you have no claim on her really ...especially after 4 weeks..

What the?! You're so wrong I don't even know where to begin..

L'prof

If it was me, I think I would get rid of her...I know honesty is great and all that but, if ye're going out...that **** isn't suppossed to happen ever! I'd only accept that kind of carry on in the stages before ye started going out...even though then it would, still **** me off!

event

Kaldorn wrote: »

give her a break,there is an unofficial 2 month period at the start where you can still have the odd snog,you have no claim on her really ...especially after 4 weeks..move on and as your relationship develops she wont have any interest elsewhere and either will you.give her a chance and dont go to town on her cause she will just say "ok bubye"

this is fact is it?

if they were exclusive, there is no '2 month period'

i have never heard of such a thing before

tough one OP, may be worth giving her a chance, could have been a drunken thing, but i dunno

cance

imo i'd let her go, only a month in and already she is kissing other blokes?

not worth the hassle, throw her back and keep fishing.

supermouse

well i cheated on my boyf when we were together 6 months. we were very serious (he flew to oz where i was on holiday for 6 weeks to meet me cos he missed me so much) but it was one of the first times i was out alone with the girls on the tear and i literally lost all reality. there was no excuse. he collected me after the night out and i blurted it out to him! as long as i live i will never ever forget the look on his face. he was absolutly devo!

we have worked through it and have just celebrated our 15th monthaversary! but i dont care what anyone says, its such a tough one to work through, it may only be a kiss but at the end of the day the trust was broken!

thankfully my boyf is a very understanding guy and i have the commitment to never do it again. ever! its not worth it, loosing your fantastic relationship for a bit of tonsil hockey !!

i just hope your girlfriend is the same too.... but you need to ask her and believe her answer!

LegacyUser

Say goodbye.

I've been on both ends of this situation and it's not gonna work.

The fact she told you is very strange. What did she expect to achieve only to unburden her own guilt?

She's not for you mate.

Best of luck

muppetkiller

supermouse wrote: »

well i cheated on my boyf when we were together 6 months. we were very serious (he flew to oz where i was on holiday for 6 weeks to meet me cos he missed me so much) but it was one of the first times i was out alone with the girls on the tear and i literally lost all reality. there was no excuse. he collected me after the night out and i blurted it out to him! as long as i live i will never ever forget the look on his face. he was absolutly devo!

we have worked through it and have just celebrated our 15th monthaversary! but i dont care what anyone says, its such a tough one to work through, it may only be a kiss but at the end of the day the trust was broken!

thankfully my boyf is a very understanding guy and i have the commitment to never do it again. ever! its not worth it, loosing your fantastic relationship for a bit of tonsil hockey !!

i just hope your girlfriend is the same too.... but you need to ask her and believe her answer!

Different Country Rules
But seriously If it was me it would be Goodbye. If she was that into you it never would've happened no matter how drunk she was ...I hate when people blame drink for cheating.

meditraitor

Only a month together and she is at it with someone else, show her the gate before you get to close. It will hurt more the next time dude(and there will be a next time).

LegacyUser

OP, you should consider that she only to told you as she may want to finish the relationship. This may be her way of doing so without the cojones to do the proper thing and tell you to real reasons to your face. How do you know it was just a kiss? Do you know she will not do the same thing next weekend? It's the season of festive frolics and she'll have plenty of opportunities. She might be testing your boundaries at this early stage of the relationship to see how much of a mug she can play you for.

How do you know she's not swapping texts and bebo messages behind your back with this bloke on an hourly basis whilst you debate how best you can forgive her? I hope you kept the receipt for her Christmas present. Do yourself a favour and get rid of her, don't let her take you for a ride whilst she's off riding every bloke in sight.

L'prof

supermouse wrote: »

thankfully my boyf is a very understanding guy

Since he was so understanding, maybe he's cheated on you before or since? :eek

Sorry, I had to have a dig

karry1412

muppetkiller wrote: »

If she was that into you it never would've happened no matter how drunk she was ...I hate when people blame drink for cheating.

I'd be inclined to agree but it really is a personal call.

I know if it was me I'd find it hard to trust the other person again but at the same time I'd probably regret not giving it a shot. It's a tough one...

Vegeta

SetantaL wrote: »

Hmmm, personal call. If you were officially going out and had had "the talk" I'd have to let her go as it doesn't bode well for the future. If you've only been meeting and not properly going out then you'd better sit her down and see where you both want this to go.

Spot on

it really depends if you were oficially a couple or not

either way if it was me the relationship would be over but you're not me

ShawnRaven

She's done it once, she'll do it again.
Move along.

VR!

vorbis

Not a good sign. I also don't understand her telling you. If she really wanted things to work with you she wouldn't tell you. You're now supposed to feel "ok" with this??

BoozyBabe

Yes, give her a break!

When I started dating my ex, I got drunk & kissed someone else.
At the time we had just started dating, it was only really a bit of fun between us at that stage, but in saying that, we were still going out.

Anyhow, when I realised what had just happened I was disgusted. To this day, I never told my ex about it. It was a stupid mistake that I wasn't about to repeat (I had never cheated on anyone before, & never have since)
We went out for 5 very happy years. Other reasons are what broke us apart.

I really would give her another chance, you could miss out on a very good relationship otherwise.

Tigger

Fgt wrote: »

Say goodbye.

I've been on both ends of this situation and it's not gonna work.

The fact she told you is very strange. What did she expect to achieve only to unburden her own guilt?

She's not for you mate.

Best of luck

i agree with him

LegacyUser

Cheers for the replies folks!
Usually i'ld be the 1st to tell someone to ditch her, but I just cant get her outta my mind! If I stay with her I guess im gonna be wondering at she's up to when im not around, which cant be good for the relationship but I trust her not to do it again!! I think!

ShawnRaven

Your call at the end of the day. But there's plenty of other girls out there, more that are likely to know the meaning of commitment.

Save yourself the grief.
VR!

Rhiannon14

Sorry buddy, that's a tough one! I know a few girls that have made the kissy mistake while in relationships with guys they really loved. It could go either way. Best of luck!

l3LoWnA

Are you sure you knwo her reasons for telling you?

What I mean is, if she told you because she wanted to tell you, because she felt bad and really wished it never happened etc., then I'd stick with her, try and put it behind you and move on.

However, if there was a chance of you finding out, that is, if she kissed himk on front of people or told other people or you know the guy, then she may have only be covering her tracks by telling you.

I'm imagine, because she told you, though that you should give her another chance and stay with her....for now. You seem to really like her, just keep your guard up to a certain extent, if you can at all, in order that you won't get badly hurt in the future......god i'm not making sense......as I said, it's a tough one, go with your gut instinct! Do you think she WILL do it again? Honestly? If he answer is yes, move on! I kissed a guy on front of my ex (who I wasn't all that into to begin with) and he ignored it, pretended it never happened, and stayed with me and he ended up really hurt when I dumped him a few months later. Just a thought...

mucker23

break up with her man, if ya stay with her ya will get more feelings for her and maybe a serious relationship, if she does it once she prop would do it again and it will break ya, also once you lose trust in a girl the relationship will be f**ked as u will always be wondering and worrying when she goes out, expecting the worst, if a girl cheated on me i'd break up with her

CaptainNemo

This has happened to me twice and both times I've taken the other person at their word and accepted it. I don't really have a huge problem with it. A drunken episode isn't a reason to get rid of a good relationship if the person really is sorry and cares enough to tell you about it.

I've also been the one who has had the drunken snog and it never meant anything.

Main thing is how do you feel. If you feel OK, but kind of "Should I be angrier about this?" then I'd say you should go with your feelings and allow yourself to be OK about it. If you're truly angry and upset and it isn't going away then there's some serious problem and maybe you won't be able to get over it.

Placebo

Kaldorn wrote: »

give her a break,there is an unofficial 2 month period at the start where you can still have the odd snog,you have no claim on her really ...especially after 4 weeks..move on and as your relationship develops she wont have any interest elsewhere and either will you.give her a chance and dont go to town on her cause she will just say "ok bubye"

Thanks for that relationship GURU, but im afraid this 2 month period might just exist in your head. I have never heard of such a thing and it sounds more sick than ridiculous.

OP, sit down and talk to her and make sure she knows that if it happens again, youre gone and theres no point getting involved if she has such interests. And if she agrees then she herself will not go through with it. Although you will loose sleep EITHER WAY for some time to come.

Mighty_Mouse

Ye were only goin out a month so wonder how "official" it was?

The solution is simple here.
Leave the ball in her court.
Dont text, ring etc for next couple of weeks. Do your own thing.
Make your own plans.
Tell her ...."will see you when I can.........."
Respond to conversation & ideas to do stuff. Dont initiate.

Basically its up to her to save the realtionship.
If she works her socks off, you know she is sorry & regrets her actions.

If she doesnt, you know you'd be a sucker for taking her back anyways

Steyr

event wrote: »

may be worth giving her a chance, could have been a drunken thing, but i dunno

True but drink is no excuse full stop, kick her ass to the kerb before she starts playing you for a fool, find someone better.

MagicMarker

quick question wrote: »

Cheers for the replies folks!
Usually i'ld be the 1st to tell someone to ditch her, but I just cant get her outta my mind! If I stay with her I guess im gonna be wondering at she's up to when im not around, which cant be good for the relationship but I trust her not to do it again!! I think!

Grow a pair and get rid of her. It doesn't matter how long you've been together or how sorry she is. She's made a fool out of you and if you don't put a stop to this now she'll do it again. As someone else said it will hurt a lot more then.

You've only been together a month, you'll get over her easy enough and find someone who has respect for you.

LegacyUser

You guys are only together a while........but if you really like her, give her a chance. You don't have to run after her but there just might be something else going on with her that you are not aware of.

I would make it very clear that you find this behaviour unacceptable and explain that you won't tolerate it again. Everyone deserves a second chance and if she really wants you too, this incident will more than likely bring her closer to you. This is the opportunity to clarify your relationship and tell each other exactly what you expect from it - especially as it is so new. Communication is the key - and she has already taken the step of telling you.

It's a sticky one but I think if she didn't care, she wouldn't have told you about it

Best of luck

axer

OP: are you officially going out with this girl?

If this cheating does cause some trusting problems then it will manifest into greater problems. Can you deal with this and trust her 100%? if not then it is better to cut your losses now.

It definitely is not a good start to the relationship and as said earlier drink is never an excuse for cheating. If ye were not officially going out then there may be hope but there would have to be a serious talk about not crossing that line again. If you do not make a big deal about this at the start then she may get the idea that it does not bother you too much and could happen again.

Bottom line is, can you 100% trust her now and move forward?

the_syco

Fgt wrote: »

The fact she told you is very strange. What did she expect to achieve only to unburden her own guilt?

Agreed. Will she tell you next time?

=-=

How long were you official?

If you were "friends" for a month or so, but only "dating" for the last week or so, meh.

But if it was serious two months ago, then she has broken your trust, and you may be seen as a doormat if you accept her back to readily.

It really depends on how you treat trust in your relationship.

Shinners23

Well you are only together 4 weeks.... its early days.... I would give her the benefit of the doubt. She told you which shows she felt awful about it and shows how much she cares for you.

If you really like her just don't throw it away.


At the end of the day though... its your decision. Tell her how upset and disappointed you are in her. It will hit home if it hasn't already.

IrishMike

One word, goodbye.

Spoony2

I think you shoud look at it this way

she told you which ment she felt bad.

Which shows she must like you a lot, which to me this sounds like a good thing ok you've only been going out a month so that there say's something she was drunk ?

If you look at it this way, she's been honest about the hole situation, she has'nt lied whats so ever. If she was planing on doing it again she probably wouldnt tell you which leaves me o this dession here.

You can trust her, Its only a month into exclusiveness. at a month into a releationship its hardly the bigist sin going at the same time it does hurt.

Give her another chance your gut instink says it but take it slow....i recon youd be foolish to dump her if you get on as well as you say you do.

its hard enough to find a woman you gel with on all levels i think.

davyjose

BoozyBabe wrote: »

Yes, give her a break!

When I started dating my ex, I got drunk & kissed someone else.
At the time we had just started dating, it was only really a bit of fun between us at that stage, but in saying that, we were still going out.

Anyhow, when I realised what had just happened I was disgusted. To this day, I never told my ex about it. It was a stupid mistake that I wasn't about to repeat (I had never cheated on anyone before, & never have since)
We went out for 5 very happy years. Other reasons are what broke us apart.

I really would give her another chance, you could miss out on a very good relationship otherwise.

That doesn't necessarily mean it's the same thing for the OP's girl - chances are she's just a bit of a ... well, slut. They do exist. I would advise the OP to move on before he falls for her, because then it could really start getting to him.

Diemos

If I thought the relationship was serious I'd walk, plenty more fish out there. It's early days.

If I were you it'd cut me up everytime she went out with her friends and it'd play with my head.

It might be a one off but there are so many girls out there who would never do that why settle for less.

Gibbins123

If you really like her then I say give her one more chance.

Tell her that you are glad she felt she could be honest with you and tell you about it. Good communication is so important in relationships and you guys must have it.

Tell her that she has lost your trust and it will take time to get it back.

If it ever happens again, then it means she doesn't respect you enough and you should probably end it.

padser

GAME OVER

sorry but if that happens after 1 month then its definitely time to part ways:(

supermouse

jasonorr wrote: »

Since he was so understanding, maybe he's cheated on you before or since? :eek

Sorry, I had to have a dig

nope!!!!!!!!!

he wouldnt look at anyone else - and now, neither do i!

leopards can change their spots.......