Please help - boyfriend tried to kill himself

LegacyUser

I have been with my boyfriend almost 5 months and we are very happy together. The past couple of weeks he lost his sex drive, maybe he did want to do it but his body didn't want to. He was tired constantly, often very forgetful too. He went to the doctor and was diagnosed with depression and put on Efexor (he hasn't taken any yet). It was after telling me this that he told me about what happened him before.

He originally had depression when he was 18. He went to the doctor and was prescribed Efexor and went to counsellors. This all went on for about 2 months. He took an overdose of whatever was in the medicine cabinet and was found by his father. I don't know if this happened before he went to the doctor or after, he was too upset to tell me and found it too hard to talk about. This was all before I knew him.

I asked him what was wrong, what is getting him down. He says he keeps worrying about things. When he is with me and we are having a good time he worries what would he do if something happened to me. When he is having a laugh with his dad he worries what would happen if something happened his dad. He says he worries about lots of things, his car, his job that he doesn't like.

I don't know what to do. I am terrified he is going to try and kill himself again. I wouldn't let him go home last night because I was too scared to let him out of my sight in case he'd do something stupid. I have told him that if he kills himself I won't want to be around anymore either. He promises me it won't happen again but I am so scared. I am afraid that he won't tell me anything anymore for fear of upsetting me.
I had depression myself a few years back, I never went for medical help because I didn't want my mother to find out and be upset. I wanted to kill myself, I know the horrible thoughts it causes and I hate to think of my boyfriend feeling like this.
I am afraid as well of him taking this drug Efexor. He was on a low dose of it before and was fine but I don't know what dose he is meant to take now. I have told him to please not take it until he comes to see my doctor for a second opinion. His doctor just gave him medication- a strong anti depressant with possible side effects that can be harsh and dangerous- straight away. I have told him I will do my best to help him get better, we are climbing a mountain this weekend, hopefully going on holidays soon, anything to make him see it's worth sticking around. I am terrified he will take this Efexor and get dizzy while driving or something.

I can't believe all this has happened, he always seemed to be such a happy person, but I know people are not always what they seem, I seemed like the happiest person around when I actually wanted to kill myself.

Thanks in advance for any replies.

Beetlebum

Your boyfriend is extremely lucky to have a wonderful caring girlfriend like you whose willing to stand by him and help him get through this. It aslo helps that you've been depressed before yourself so you know exactly how crippling it can be.
There is no point in worrying about things such as what might happen to him if he gets dizzy while driving. You have no control over that so your worrying is absolutely pointless. I know alot of anti-depressants can have side effects including light-headedness but that usually passes after the fisrt few weeks. Maybe he should refrain from driving until his body gets used to the pills. Going to your Doctor for some further advice is a good idea too. Ask him what exactly the side affects may be and how long before your boyfriends mood should start to improve.
I really hope he feels better soon. Depression is, in my opinion, one of the worst illnesses somebody can suffer from. Fair play to you for being so supportive and loving.

LegacyUser

We had a row about something yesterday morning, I have been ringing him and texting him all week cos I was so worried about him, we had been planning to go out on Saturday night all week and then he went out without me, he did the same thing last week. While he was out we were arguing over the row and then he sent me messages saying he hated himself and I would be better off without him, Then he turned his phone off for the next 3 hours. I hate him for doing that to me, I was so scared, I have told him we are finished, I can't live like this, everyone is leaning on me and I have no relief, I have told him I hate him, I never want to see him again, he keeps saying he loves me. Yeah he loves me, that's why after a week of me being stressed and scared he's gonna kill himself, he goes out without me and texts me saying I'd be better off without him!!!

I can't believe this has all happened, we used to be a great couple, I can't see anything good in my life without him and now I will have to, I can't live in constant fear and then have him send me cruel messages like that.

Goldenquick

You're in a very hard place atm blackberry. It seems as if he is using emotional blackmail on you now.

Whatever happens remember you are not responsible for him or his decisions in life.

I hope and pray he will get through this but if you're finding it's stressing you out so much, perhaps you should take a break from him.

The very best of luck to you both.

jellie

blackberry77 wrote: »

I am afraid as well of him taking this drug Efexor. He was on a low dose of it before and was fine but I don't know what dose he is meant to take now. I have told him to please not take it until he comes to see my doctor for a second opinion. His doctor just gave him medication- a strong anti depressant with possible side effects that can be harsh and dangerous- straight away. I have told him I will do my best to help him get better, we are climbing a mountain this weekend, hopefully going on holidays soon, anything to make him see it's worth sticking around. I am terrified he will take this Efexor and get dizzy while driving or something.

i dont claim to know anything about depression or the drugs that treat it, but why do you think your medical opinion is better than the doctors? the doctor would have prescribed the medication for a reason, why did he go to the doctor if he is not taking the doctors advice on treatment?

again, i dont claim to know anything about this, so i apologise if im wrong with anything ive said, but how will he improve if he is not taking any steps to get better, do you both just think it will magically happen?

can i ask what age you both are? his behaviour seems a bit childish to be honest. he doesnt seem to be treating you very well, going out of his way to worry you more when he knows you are already worried. personally i dont think that being depressed is an excuse for this

Hitchhiker's Guide to...

Apparently, these SNRI's like Efexor are not suitable for young people (18 and younger), so that might be why he had adverse effects when he took it earlier. (according to this article: http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/medicines/100000898.html)

Bottle_of_Smoke

sar84 wrote: »

i dont claim to know anything about depression or the drugs that treat it, but why do you think your medical opinion is better than the doctors? the doctor would have prescribed the medication for a reason, why did he go to the doctor if he is not taking the doctors advice on treatment?

again, i dont claim to know anything about this, so i apologise if im wrong with anything ive said, but how will he improve if he is not taking any steps to get better, do you both just think it will magically happen?

Major drugs companies are a lot to do with it. There are also nutritional approaches to treating depression but as nutrients are unpatentable it's unprofitable to get a a licence to sell them as a treatment.

I'd advise you to get your boyf to a therapist & a nutritionist. Get him to join a gym too. Being healthy has huge effect on depression.

Also drug treatments don't do much better than placebos in trials. They tend to be addictive too.

Reku

Unfortunately with depression all you can do is be there for the person IF they want to talk and let them know that you care about them.
Worrying about them, letting them bring you down, can just result in them feeling guilty for causing you to worry so try not to get too upset, it's hard since you care about them, but if you start to let it get to you it'll only be a matter of time before you begin to stop caring and leave them and give them another thing to be depressed about.
I know you feel upset (putting it mildly I'd imagine) that he'd turn off his phone like that but one of the worst things about depression is knowing the effect it has on those around you. Although it is not classed as such for all intents and purposes it is contagious to those who care about you, as such sometimes all you can do is cut yourself off to protect them. I doubt he did it out of any spite or desire not to talk to you out of anger at the arguement, merely that he needed to be alone to sort things in his head a bit as he didn't want you to get upset knowing just how down he could get.
Don't worry too much about having arguements or such either as these are not necessarily triggers for a dive, sometimes it can be a simple word or image, externally or in the person's head, that gets the mind chugging along in a bad direction, as such there's little you can do I'm afraid.

One song which I think expresses the isolation of depression quite well:
Feeder:- Just a Day
Particularly;

"How come it ended up like this?
And who's gonna catch me when I'm coming down
To hit the ground again, all by myself
Cause I don't want to drag you down, hold you down,
Cause you're a friend, I blame myself"