Bell Ringer

dak

A church advertises for a bell ringer.A small armless man applies for the job. But how, the priest inquires, can you ring the bell without any arms? The man replies by ringing the bell with his head. The tone he elicits is very clear and sweet, and soon a crowd gathers in the courtyard below, so beautiful is the sound. And just then the man, running at the bell, trips and falls over the parapet to his death. The priest runs down to his body and is asked if he knows who the man is. I don't know his name, he replies, but his face rings a bell.
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The next day the armless man's brother shows up and tells the priest he would like to apply for the job. He rings the bell in the traditional way, but trips toward the end of his audition and goes to his death in the same manner as his brother. Once again the priest runs to his side and is asked if he knows who the dead man is. I don't know his name, the priest says, but he is a dead ringer for his brother.


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Q? What do you call a teacher with no arms, legs, or body?
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A: The Head.

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Q ? Did you hear about the blind skunk?
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A: He Fell in love with a fart!

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An Irish jockey just got married, went on his honeymoon, and at the hotel asked the receptionist for the very best room, "certainly sir," said the receptionist, "would you like the bridal?"


"No thanks," said the jockey "I'll hang on to her ears till she gets used to it"


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A big Texan Fellah is walking down the main street of Ballinclashett and encounters Liam standing on the pavement beside a big strong horse.

This prompts the Texan to attempt to realise a lifelong dream and he says to Liam, Say Boy, that's a fine-lookin horse you got there, and I'd like to tour this beautiful country on horseback so's I can see the sights and hear the sounds of the countryside like they did in the old days. I'll buy that horse off of ya, how much ya want.

Liam says, O sure and you don't want to be messin with this horse he don't look too good these days.

Hey, Boy, says the Texan, Don't you try to tell me what's a good lookin' horse an what isn't. I been tradin' horses all my life long and there ain't nothin a young country boy like you can tell me about em. Now you jes name yer price and we'll get along fine.

I'm sayin' to ye that this horse is not a good lookin horse mister and ye don't want any part of 'im, says Liam.

The Texan is getting angry now. Listen up Boy, he says, you leave me be the judge of what's good lookin and what's not and jes give me the price and I'll pay cash right here and now.

Oh well, says Liam, $2000.00US.

Deal! says the Texan and he hands over the money, Liam unties the horse and the Texan leads him off.

The horse walks smack into the first lampost in the way, and the Texan turns to Liam and says, Hey, Boy, you a damn swindler, you didn' tell me this here horse was blind!

I keep tellin' you he don't look too good, says Liam, and you kept saying that's none of my business, so in the end I gave up.