How does one gain personality?

LegacyUser

rb_ie wrote: »

These things come when you least expect it so don't worry about it and enjoy being single/your nights out/etc without worrying about finding someone. Unless you're a mutilated freak with the personality of a brick then you're going to find someone in the end.

Read this quote on another thread, and then laughed at the part I bolded, as that's me in a nutshell. Sure, I've my likes and dislikes, I drink in places (Fibbers, etc) where people would like similar music, but I'm actually scared ****less that someday when I get off my ass and talk to some babe, I won't be able to talk about something aside from what I work as.

And that's the problem. I can talk about work, but not much else. As my concentration on a subject is limited, I know a lot of facts, but wouldn't be able to hold a conversation about a subject, as the memory goes when the concentration does, so I only know parts about anything.

Take for example Iron Maiden: I love their music, some of their songs... but it'd stop there. Wouldn't know much else. Likewise with planes: I know odd bits of information about them, but wouldn't be able to continues a conversation about them

I'm one of those people who define "awkward silences", as after a few moments, I fall silent with nothing much to say.

So I suppose the question is: how does one make conversation about nothing? With my (male) mates, I'd be usually playing poker, darts, or listening to metal, so one doesn't have much to talk about, so it kind of ends there. Thus this stops the "what do you talk to your mates about" question. And with a women that you're trying to impress, awkward silences are the silent killers of any chance you may have had. And from what I've seen, what you talk about is your personality. By this I mean your personality is how people view you, and you view someone by what they talk about.

Marksie

BrckPersonality wrote: »

And from what I've seen, what you talk about is your personality. By this I mean your personality is how people view you, and you view someone by what they talk about.

Well of course you have a personality, everyone does, it changes with age and grows and matures with experience.

Of course there are may ways that personality develops, life experience, awareness of like or dislikes, developing aspects fo self, and going into a deep awareness of who you are. All will be reflected.

How others see you is exactly that they see an aspect, in this case its not your whole personality but your shyness in communicating and interrealting.

One thing is for sure though, you do not develop and overcome this by not doing anything about it. Like everything in life you ahve to go out and learn by experience. If you mess up then learn by it.

The silences may only be awkward because you percieve them to be, in the past i have been shy, but you can turn adn awkward silence into a comfortable one by juts relaxing and accepting and letting it develop
Plus the situations you find youreslf in pubs and clubs aren't really conducive.

You are trying to pitch and sell yourself rather than being natural, frocing an issue and presenting somethnig you are not.

One starting point is that you dont have to do all the talking, ask questions, get the other person to talk about themselves and show and interst and listen. Dont be thinking what shall I talk about next. Listen to what they are saying and let that guide the conversation. IN that way you are showing and interst and the other is effectively being made aware that you are listening and aware of who they are

Balmed Out

"One starting point is that you dont have to do all the talking, ask questions, get the other person to talk about themselves and show and interst and listen. Dont be thinking what shall I talk about next. Listen to what they are saying and let that guide the conversation. IN that way you are showing and interst and the other is effectively being made aware that you are listening and aware of who they are"
very important.
also itll give u the opportunity to share anecdotes and build a rapport

padser

Try some of these links

http://ezinearticles.com/?Personality---Easy-Ways-To-Improve-It&id=197574

http://www.aboutcareereducation.com/pages/personality-building.php

Some colleges even run courses in improving your personality

http://www.catherineofsiena.net/courses/draksha1/intro.asp

although I don't know if there is anything similar in Ireland

solas

don't know how helpful it is but a lot of women like the 'strong silent' type. I don't know why i prefer men who don't speak a lot of bs (the answer is in the question) but i think that not saying too much as oppose to what you say is the part of your personality that someone might find attractive.

Crumble Froo

i was mates with this chick from age about 5 til up til a year or so ago, age 18-20... we basically grew up together, and i was always the really really shy one, whereas she was the more confident, outgoing one...

i remember that waht would often happen was that there would be a lull in conversation, which i would interpret as a piece of 'awkward conversatoin' and would then try to fill it. she would pick up on that, and mock me for trying to fill something which, in her opinion, was perfect as it was.... for a few years after that, it almost became a game, wehre neither of us would want to break the silence... particularly with something mundane.
#
for us, it became a time and space to say the tehings we really felt without feeling pressured into taking the 'popular' perspective'... as well as that, it was a palce to be ourselves, and to understan d and accept each other.

i dont know that you will ever find that kind of friendship and acceptance with your own mates, i hope that you can and will, as it is such a lovely and warm and acceptable piece of reaction that you could almost live with it forever...

anywho, i gotsta go... my music videos are going down less than well at 4am over here...

kowloon

I've had the awkward silence problem for years, some of my mates used to introduce women to me if they thought they were my type (similar interests etc.) and i would still manage to kill the conversation in under 5 minutes.
Its become something of a group joke that single women are wasted on me :rolleyes:.

I had no problem waffling on completely randomly to the lads girlfriends/spouses, yes, i do talk utter crap most of the time, but theres no awkward silences followed by a hindenburg moment.

Anyways, i doubt you have a lack of personality, you're just not able to talk to women easily, and you're not alone.

Sinfonia

OP, if you're only worried about talking to girls you might fancy, then it's never a bad idea to keep the focus on them.
Yes, I'm generalising, and yes, I learned everything I know from stand-up comedians, but apparently women like to be asked questions, then listened to.

Example:
-Her: "So what kind of music do you like?"
-You: "I like rock/metal, how about you?"
-Her: "I like <some other genre>"
-You: "That's interesting, who do you like, maybe you can recommend me some stuff" (whether you have any intention to listen to it or not)
.....Later.....
-Her: "What else do you like"
-You: "I'm quite interested in planes"
-Her: "Oh, really?"
-You: "Yes, did you know that the wingspan of a 747 is longer than the Wright brothers' first flight? (or some other fact you know)."
Then just ask her about another hobby of hers.

The point is, you're giving her enough information so that she knows you are interested in stuff, but not saying so much as to give away that you can't hold a conversation about them - also, in this way, you actually are holding the conversation. Also, you're not telling her everything about you in your first conversation, so there's more for her to learn (in her mind anyway).
Also, by keeping the focus generally on her, she'll keep the conversation going by talking talking talking, and she'll think you're a great listener.

In short, what you have going for yourself is much better than some knob-end who won't stop going on about themselves.