Are we a couple?

LegacyUser

Been seeing a guy for about a month now. we meet up very regularly (3-4 times a week). what i want to know is should the "are we a couple" conversation come up or is it just assumed. he hasnt mentioned the relationship conversation, whereas past boyfriends always have. I'm just wondering what to do and how to broach the subject. I'm 22 and he's 23
Thanks

starflake

dumdumdumdum wrote: »

Been seeing a guy for about a month now. we meet up very regularly (3-4 times a week). what i want to know is should the "are we a couple" conversation come up or is it just assumed. he hasnt mentioned the relationship conversation, whereas past boyfriends always have. I'm just wondering what to do and how to broach the subject. I'm 22 and he's 23
Thanks

What does your gut say? Is he nice to you, does he pay you lots of compliments? Just ask him!! Go with your gut instincts!

SarahSassy

Tell him you cant meet him on Saturday night cos you are going out on a date and see how he reacts !! Only joking... I would give it another while and see how you both feel then. It seems like you are a couple but its only been a month. Why do you feel the need to jump into defining it?

kowloon

3-4 times a week would make you more of a couple than singles

I'd be suspicious of a circumstance where you have seen so much of each other but not acknowledged the realtionship.

I have to say that if I were you I would asked already.

LegacyUser

He treats me very well, my friends like him. etc We have yet to sleep together. The reason why I didnt wanna bring it up was cos i've heard guys get scared about that

How Strange

I'd say stop thinking about it so much and just enjoy the dating. You are only seeing each other for a month regardless of the frequency of the dates. It's early days yet and I don't think you should be having that conversation until you are dating three months.

How Strange

Usually what I would do in those circumstances would be to bring it up in a jokey fashion and guage the reaction.
You see,you either are or you aren't and it's going to go one way or the other.


(I presume in giving the above advice that ye have slapped the gob into one another several times at this stage)

How Strange wrote: »

It's early days yet and I don't think you should be having that conversation until you are dating three months.

LoL
Nah a year why not longer...

(joke)

Marksie

OP: dont worry about what is in fact a non-issue. Enjoy whats happening NOW, dont put labels on who either you are. Juts simply enjoy whats happening.
Putting such pressure to categorise and index things like this is NOT teh way to let things develop.
If you enjoy seeing each other juts accept it.

Moonbaby wrote: »

I'd be suspicious of a circumstance where you have seen so much of each other but not acknowledged the realtionship.

Intersting terminology. Going into something with suspicions is not good, not a healthy sign of someone balanced and happy with themselves.
That will carry through into whatever may be developing.
It might be useful to change the thinking there

Static M.e.

OP.

I would definetly bring it up, just pop it into conversation with "So when are you going ask me out!?"

I know its a small thing but at least you will know one way or another.

The last thing you want is for him to ever turn around to you and go "but we weren't going out"...

GL

Nevyn

Well I would bring up the topic of exclusivity.
After a month say that you would like to know if you are going to be exclusive and not date anyone else but each other.

Marksie

Marksie wrote: »

Intersting terminology. Going into something with suspicions is not good, not a healthy sign of someone balanced and happy with themselves.
That will carry through into whatever may be developing.
It might be useful to change the thinking there

Bullcrap!
I am and always have been perfectly happy with myself. Thanks very much.
Even if I wasn't. I wouldn't value advise on terminology from someone who manages to obliterate any hopes of sexual satisfaction, from the most surefire of methods by refering to it as mouth magic. ~insert hurling puke smiley~ Thanks anyway.

I'm not talking about declarations of love or proposals of marraige here. I am talking about a basic level of openess.If after a reasonable amount of time, you don't have that its a big flag raiser.
After 12-16 dates, they have both had enough time to figure out what they want.

Marksie

Moonbaby wrote: »

Bullcrap!
I am and always have been perfectly happy with myself. Thanks very much.
Even if I wasn't. I wouldn't value advise on terminology from someone who manages to obliterate any hopes of sexual satisfaction, from the most surefire of methods by refering to it as mouth magic. ~insert hurling puke smiley~ Thanks anyway.

I'm not talking about declarations of love or proposals of marraige here. I am talking about a basic level of openess.If after a reasonable amount of time, you don't have that its a big flag raiser.
After 12-16 dates, they have both had enough time to figure out what they want.

I do not intend to go into an off topic here. But feel free to PM especially as regards why you feel the need to attack a comment by dragging a different post in a different thread to disparage a posters opinion.

How Strange

Maybe I'm showing my age but I thought that in Ireland when you start seeing one person you don't see other people. That's what American people do so they need clarification on exclusivity.

As I said before, and I agree with Marksie, just enjoy each others company for the moment. If you are still seeing so much of each other in a month then try to bring it up in conversation discreetly.

Marksie

Marksie wrote: »

I do not intend to go into an off topic here. But feel free to PM especially as regards why you feel the need to attack a comment by dragging a different post in a different thread to disparage a posters opinion.

You took it on yourself to bring this thread off topic by leaping to wildly inaccurate and fanciful conclusions about my personal mental state.
My intent wasn't to disparge you but merely to voice my own viewpoint.
If you don't think you can handle that, keep your own to yourself in future.

I'm perfectly happy to end the discussion here.

Nevyn

Moonbaby banned for off topic and unhelpful postings.

seraphimvc

OP.it's depends on your 'style' of getting into a relationship.

some ppl think that it's ok and perfectly fine to keep it going in a situation like you,just enjoy,as soon as you are happy,that's it.that's all you need anyway.

some ppl think that it's not ok at all as you have seeing a guy for a period of time already but cant tell are you guys a couple? they think that would that be wasting their time there for seeing a guy of no intend to start a relationship with them.thus,they feel worry and insecure,and confront with that.

it's perfectly fine for either type of people you are.just different 'style';)and different risk...ya know what i mean...
if you are troubled even when you are dating,i say ,for god's sake,ask tha man,woman!he cares about your feeling if he really likes you.

Dalfiatach

This seems to be a Dublin thing in my experience. Elsewhere in the country if you've been seeing someone for a few weeks it's kindof just assumed by all parties that you are, in fact, a couple. But Dubs have this odd thing where you aren't really a couple until there's some sort of Official Announcement. Weird.

If it's a big deal for you, just ask him in a lighthearted way. It only scares men off when the girl raises the subject in a scary intense bunny boiler way.

angelicsaz

i had the same problem

I jus told him he was my boyfriend ha ha

LegacyUser

Maybe just casually bring it into conversation...

i.e. say your mum or someone rang and asked about the 'new boyfriend' and then laugh and then say "I didn't know whether to call you my bit on the side or a boyfriend!" - or something else lighthearted.

You might be able to gauge a lot from his reaction. Or actually, maybe not - you know the way men are!

l3LoWnA

Dalfiatach wrote: »

This seems to be a Dublin thing in my experience. Elsewhere in the country if you've been seeing someone for a few weeks it's kindof just assumed by all parties that you are, in fact, a couple. But Dubs have this odd thing where you aren't really a couple until there's some sort of Official Announcement. Weird.

If it's a big deal for you, just ask him in a lighthearted way. It only scares men off when the girl raises the subject in a scary intense bunny boiler way.

I'd agree with the above! Coming from the country and my last ex (there's plenty) being a dub, I believe it possibly IS a Dub-thing, although maybe I'm wrong. A few weeks into the relationship with said Dub he had "the conversation" with me, the whole "are we going out with each other, boyfriend & girlfriend"

To be honest I found this EXTREMELY childish behaviour and didn't think there was any need whatsoever for the conversation either. It didn't put me off the guy but I kind of thought *awh bless him, the innocence...* Maybe because it was a long-distance relationship he wanted to be sure I wouldn't be seeing other guys but as far as I'm concerned, if I'm answering your texts and phone calls and meeting you every weekend I'm your girl! No need for definitions or clarifications in my world.

OP, If you REALLY feel you need to know though, just ask!

starflake

How Strange wrote: »

I'd say stop thinking about it so much and just enjoy the dating. You are only seeing each other for a month regardless of the frequency of the dates. It's early days yet and I don't think you should be having that conversation until you are dating three months.

x2 take it nice and slow and enjoy it!