Toilet Time

Xavi6

So the missus seems to think I have a problem with the amount of time I spend taking a dump. She thinks I have a severe fibre deficiency. I have tried explaining that it's relaxing, therapeutic if you will, and something that shouldn't be rushed. I don't see any harm in bringing a good book/the laptop with you for a bit of alone time.

So my question is, how long do you take?

Rhyme

Never more than a few minutes unless you count the posing in front the mirror.

Jesus Wept

perhaps there should be a toilet/bathroom habits/sh1ting forum.

_blank_

Xavi6 wrote: »

I don't see any harm in bringing a good book/the laptop with you for a bit of alone time.

You're there now aren't you?

Jesus H.

Yep, a good bit of reading material will extend the stay for definite.

I always leave a national geographic or a FourFourTwo lying in the jacks.

Trojan911

Xavi6 wrote: »

I don't see any harm in bringing a good book/the laptop with you for a bit of alone time.

Problem there is the longer you sit the harder it is to wipe after....

Jimbo

Dosen't that just spread germs all over your stuff???

dame

Xavi6 wrote: »

So the missus seems to think I have a problem with the amount of time I spend taking a dump. She thinks I have a severe fibre deficiency. I have tried explaining that it's relaxing, therapeutic if you will, and something that shouldn't be rushed. I don't see any harm in bringing a good book/the laptop with you for a bit of alone time.

So my question is, how long do you take?

:eek: That's a bit unhygienic!

Now, I've no links for this (and I'm not going to start looking) but I do remember reading somewhere, once upon a time, that straining for more than 6 minutes is bad for you.

I'd be highly insulted if I was your missus and you told me you liked "alone time" in the jacks!

Pigman II

The-Rigger wrote: »

perhaps there should be a toilet/bathroom habits/sh1ting forum.

We do. It's called David Hasselhoff.

I assumed that toilet dwellers were hiding from reality, not actually actively excreting.

EdgarAllenPoo

I used to spend ages reading on the bog. Not so much any more. My mam does crosswords while on the crapper.

Terry

dame wrote: »

:eek: That's a bit unhygienic!

Now, I've no links for this (and I'm not going to start looking) but I do remember reading somewhere, once upon a time, that straining for more than 6 minutes is bad for you.

I'd be highly insulted if I was your missus and you told me you liked "alone time" in the jacks!

There is the risk of getting piles.

I buy a copy of the sun every saturday. That lasts me the week because I couldn't sit there reading the whole thing.
Piles are not fun.

Mutz

Xavi6 wrote: »

... I have tried explaining that it's relaxing, therapeutic if you will, and something that shouldn't be rushed. I don't see any harm in bringing a good book/the laptop with you for a bit of alone time.

Agreed. Very Relaxing.

Lands Leaving

I prefer the couch myself, but whatever floats yer boat!

Sonnenblumen

The-Rigger wrote: »

perhaps there should be a toilet/bathroom habits/sh1ting forum.

You're in it!

patrickc

Lands Leaving wrote: »

I prefer the couch myself, but whatever floats yer boat!

to dump your load in?;)

Lands Leaving

Yea, what else?

Outer Bongolia

Maybe eat the odd sandwich or bowl of cornflakes in there but nothing major

Overheal

i love reading etc on the toilet.

I remember in 5th year i started to smoke a lot at home (hashish) and i had a delapodated en suite that i sat in for smoking.
After my dad caught me smoking, the legend fixed the toilet 3 days later I did some profound thinking in there.

cazzy

I dont see why one has to hang around reading while dropping the kids off at the pool

Its a bit unhygienic to have the lap top in the jacks - it could be in the kitchen next when the missus is getting a receipy on the internet

Brethitmanhart

Less than 5 mins at the mo, I think reading on the jax is just wierd and prolongs taking a crap, laptop in the jax is the funniest thing I heard in awhile, just thinking of people having debates on forums while taking a poo!

davejones

In my house if it's any more than five minutes
people think that am having a w*nk.

cazzy

davejones wrote: »

In my house if it's any more than five minutes
people think that am having a w*nk.

and r u sometimes ?

davejones

cazzy wrote: »

and r u sometimes ?

Sometimes yes

pd101

Depends on how much of the sports section Ive already read or on how cold the jax are.

3greenrizla's

pd101 wrote: »

Depends on how much of the sports section Ive already read or on how cold the jax are.

lol agree 100%

can anyone recomend a good "book for the jacks"

Overheal

Brethitmanhart wrote: »

Less than 5 mins at the mo, I think reading on the jax is just wierd and prolongs taking a crap, laptop in the jax is the funniest thing I heard in awhile, just thinking of people having debates on forums while taking a poo!

yea but i had to:

I first got the laptop back in august and i was voice chatting with my brother about it. I really wanted to keep it 'clean' but it was too far worth it to go "hey nathan guess what else i can do with my awesome new laptop? flush"

can anyone recomend a good "book for the jacks"

Im reading dude wheres my country by Michael Moore.

Outer Bongolia

3greenrizla's wrote: »

lol agree 100%

can anyone recomend a good "book for the jacks"

This

davejones

3greenrizla's wrote: »

lol agree 100%

can anyone recomend a good "book for the jacks"

"The Great Crapsby" by F Scott Fitzgerald.

Brethitmanhart

3greenrizla's wrote: »

lol agree 100%

can anyone recomend a good "book for the jacks"

"Dropping The Bomb"
http://www.amazon.com/Dropping-Bomb-Hodder-Christian-Paperbacks/dp/0340372478/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1195425700&sr=8-4

OR

"Zoo Poo, Toilet Training!"
http://www.amazon.com/Zoo-Poo-Training-Barrons-Educational/dp/0764127675/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1195425822&sr=1-5

Xavi6

cazzy wrote: »

Its a bit unhygienic to have the lap top in the jacks - it could be in the kitchen next when the missus is getting a receipy on the internet

It's no more unhygienic than having a book there that could go back on the bookshelf in the living room when you're done. Plus you're more likely to use the pages of a book to wipe your arse than a laptop in case of a jacks roll shortage.

Oh and I do all the cooking

Pigman II

davejones wrote: »

"The Great Crapsby" by F Scott Fitzgerald.

Followed by "Tender is the Shíte" by the same author.

Mint Sauce

have copys of Q and fourfourtwo in my en suite

Cuddlesworth

It depends, if I'm in work I take all the time I want.

The Bollox

I rarely spend more than 5 / 6 minutes on the johnson, but sometimes I might bring in a good book and be there for a while. I've taken to re-reading The Hitch-hikers guide so some awkward questions are asked on account of the constant giggling coming from the bathroom while I'm in there

Statso

Depends if i'm after buying the paper in the morning. If i have i could be there a good 10-15 mins. Its a clear sign to everyone what your doing when you walk into the jacks with a newspaper so they know not to stand around waiting for their turn.

FlutterinBantam

I came across this little beut. in Tokyo.

Note top right heat setting for the seat.. hot or cool

Little squirter for the nipsy post dump and a different angle for the ladies.

The front 'wheel' is for adjusting the strength of the flow and believe me she scores 180 or 'bullseye' every time.

Came back with me hole shining and buffed like a newly minted two cent coin.

There is also a little joystick for directing the spray in the event of muzzle spread.

A lad could while away an hour on her no problem

ryoishin

I spend ages on the jax. its the only place where no one bothers you. i bring a book that i wont read normally. like id find something else to do. Im reading a book on sports pyscology. the funny thing is i cant read while i poo it takes too much mental pushing aswell as physical aswell. but then i sit there reading for ages. i dunno.

Good fun.

watna

People, what are you doing? You should all be doing your number twos in work. That way you're getting paid for it and you get a nice break away from people when you need it most!

cance

watna wrote: »

People, what are you doing? You should all be doing your number twos in work.

Aye, take pleasure in knowing that they pay you to expel.

Red Hand

People seem to be obsessed with poo on boards.ie. There isn't a month that goes by that a poo related thread floats back to surface like a buoyant turd.

sremowt

>> can anyone recomend a good "book for the jacks"
Not a book but the magazine 'Focus' is good for can-time.