Embarrased

FranchisePlayer

Over the summer I had a very important Bowel operation and I am only 15 and not many people have it my age it is just that I am really self consius about it and find it difficult when it comes to talking to girls and I when I do talk to them i feel like their are only talking to me because of what has happened to me and their are talking to me out of pity(other stuff has happened too read previous threads):(:(

spurious

How would girls talking to you know about your operation? Do you mention it within the first few sentences? Does it affect your life in a major way or have you recovered from it?

Only mention it if it's relevant, or you are getting to know someone better. If you mention it very early on in a conversation, people may think it's a big issue for you and keep bringing it up.

I'm sorry you've been ill so young, but you'll find as you get older people will like you for the qualities that having had to deal with such a big thing so young will have given you.

Beruthiel

FranchisePlayer wrote: »

when it comes to talking to girls and I when I do talk to them i feel like their are only talking to me because of what has happened to me and their are talking to me out of pity

You're being too hard on yourself FP and a tad paranoid about what other people might be thinking.
15 is a crap age, you tend to be overly sensitive, self conscious, lack the confidence in yourself and need to have other people like you. It's a tough time.
The good news is, it gets better!
Take care of yourself.

You've had a really difficult few years, life has not been easy for you.
Take a step back, realise that people are not looking at you with pity. From your posts over the last few years here, it has become clear to me that you are a sensitive, intelligent and insightful lad, I can't be the only one to see that.
Give yourself a break, if girls are talking to you, talk back and enjoy their company. Take the pressure off yourself. In the end, it will all come good.

karen3212

As someone on these boards said recently, if you know how little acquaintences thought about you, you wouldn't worry at all.

I would say most of the other teenagers are worring about what you think of them too. I know easier said than done, but try try try not to worry about how other people see you, all that matters is what you think of yourself. Think well of yourself.:)

Beruthiel

karen3212 wrote: »

I would say most of the other teenagers are worring about what you think of them too.

So true and it's a secret that took me a while to learn.
Everyone around you FP suffer from the same insecurities as you do, some are better at hiding it than others but they all still have doubts.
You're on a pretty level playing field, you just haven't realised that yet.

FranchisePlayer

spurious wrote: »

How would girls talking to you know about your operation? Do you mention it within the first few sentences? Does it affect your life in a major way or have you recovered from it?

No I never mention it tis because I live in a rural area gossip spreads like wild fire:rolleyes: It has in a sentence changed my Really crappy life with a semi crappy life lol . Thanks everyone with the replies.

cudman

Dont worry about it. I grew up in a boring kip where people had nothing better to do than gossip. Sometime soon mick down the road will have a cow stolen or paddy up the road will have an affair and your problem will be forgotten about. Give it time you'll see

karen3212

I've just read your post again, and I think now that these girls/boys really like you, and now they have a concrete reason to approach you and talk to you, and spend time with you. Yes it may look like they are concentrating on your operation, but I think they are just looking for an excuse to hang around you;)

CathyMoran

Good to see you online again My husband told me almost immediatly that he had crohns, he actually had a flare up when I first met him, I never considered it to be a big deal and still do not, so what you have to go to the bathroom, who cares? I also adore my husbands scar, I am always trying to kiss it, it is a sign of strength as he survived very serious surgery.

LadyJ

OP, as someone who had to put up with a lot of crap things happening to me when I was growing up, I can tell you that it is very normal to feel like people are just talking to you out of pity.

However, I've learned that mostly people seemed a bit edgy around me because they had no idea how I felt about the things that had happened to me and had never gone through anything major themselves so didn't really know what to say to me or how to act.

Getting your feelings out in the open can break the ice with these people and help you have a normal relationship with them. Teenagers are always worried about saying the wrong thing and embarrassing you or hurting your feelings so let them know that they can relax and that they don't have to tip-toe around your operation or anything else you may have going on.

Also, I know that having an operation on your bowel is highly embarassing at your age but you shouldn't see it that way. It's something that you have gone through and you've come out on top so be proud of it. Have a laugh about it even! I had a colonoscopy last year and at first I didn't want people to know about it but then I thought "Ah fcuk it!" and told my friends. We all had a good giggle about it and now I tell everyone about the day I had a camera up my ass! Lol.