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Advice/Confused

  • 15-11-2007 12:24pm
    #1
    newark
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5 ✭


    Hi,

    I'm 31 and myself and my GF broke up about 4 months ago after 5 years together. She suggested that we end because of certain things that she felt were not right in the relationship (affection and intimacy being 2). I was very shocked but not entirely surprised as I felt we also lacked passion.
    Sine then we have continued living in our house together (seperate rooms) and no one has really forced the issue on deciding how to proceed from here. The idea was that one of us move out and the other buy the house. However it's always hard to make that final step.

    We both still get on really well and still do a lot of things that couples do but that is probably beacsue we were such great friends as well. Anyway recently my GF has said she made a mistake by ending things and regrets it and wants to resume the realtionship.

    Again I wasnt entirely surprised by her decision but I now feel that I have moved on a little and cant suddently turn around and say everything is OK and lets all live happily ever after. I dated a girl a couple of times recently and felt really alive and fresh , almost excited by meeting someone new and enjoying someone elses company.

    I still love my (ex) GF enormously and she is such a beautiful person but I still think the passion and physical attraction are not there for me. Should I be putting such importance into this side of our relationship or should I be happy that everything else works great and just resume as we did before ?. Maybe my physical feelings for her will return over time.

    She says now that the reasons that we originally broke up seemed important at the time but realises that we could and should have tried to work things out instead of her rushing to break up. Maybe she was looking for the perfect romance and realises that it only exists in the minds of Hollywood scripwriters.I dont hold anything against her for doing what she did but feel that maybe deep down the same problems will arise gain in the future.

    Any advice of similar experiences out there?.


Comments

  • #2
    Vegeta
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,393 ✭✭✭✭Vegeta


    Ok I am in an eight year relationship with my gf and the sex life is not what it used to be but I still find my gf very very attractive.

    In 20 years time when you are both sagging a bit and getting on, its not physical attraction that will keep you together.

    so while being attracted to your partner is very important surely compatability, friendship and respect are equally as important. Looks fade my friend so don't base your decision purely on them.

    Its a tough one alright OP, only you can decide if all your partners good qualities outweigh your current lack of attraction. No amount of advice in the world can change that


  • #3
    Reku
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,766 ✭✭✭Reku


    newark wrote: »
    Anyway recently my GF has said she made a mistake by ending things and regrets it and wants to resume the realtionship.
    Many people end up looking back on former relationships with a bit of nostalgia so to be quite honest I wouldn't rush back into it as there's every chance she might decide to call it off again in a month or two.
    newark wrote: »
    Again I wasnt entirely surprised by her decision but I now feel that I have moved on a little and cant suddently turn around and say everything is OK and lets all live happily ever after. I dated a girl a couple of times recently and felt really alive and fresh , almost excited by meeting someone new and enjoying someone elses company.
    Perhaps knowing that you are enjoying being single is part of her motivation either from "I don't want him but I don't want anyone else to have him", "I don't want him to find someone else before me" or simply that people tend to want what they can't have, so you now dating someone else has made you more desireable to her.
    newark wrote: »
    I still love my (ex) GF enormously and she is such a beautiful person but I still think the passion and physical attraction are not there for me. Should I be putting such importance into this side of our relationship or should I be happy that everything else works great and just resume as we did before ?. Maybe my physical feelings for her will return over time.
    Do you love her or are you IN LOVE with her I think that should really be the decider as to how to proceed. As for the physical attraction, simply spicing things up in the bedroom with new positions, kink, props, roleplay, etc... may help rekindle that.
    newark wrote: »
    She says now that the reasons that we originally broke up seemed important at the time but realises that we could and should have tried to work things out instead of her rushing to break up.
    Like I said above, it may be nostalgia.
    newark wrote: »
    Maybe she was looking for the perfect romance and realises that it only exists in the minds of Hollywood scripwriters.I dont hold anything against her for doing what she did but feel that maybe deep down the same problems will arise gain in the future.
    At least you're fully aware that there's every chance she might just end up breaking up with you again after the dust settles and the old issues start to grate on her again.


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