Hate myself, on/off depression...

LegacyUser

Not really thinking straight right now but I'll try my best..

I'm an 18yr old guy and I have been suffering from severe social anxiety for most of my life.. Only just recently diagnosed with this though.. What I have not been officially diagnosed on yet though is the depression, which I know I have been suffering from due to the anxiety, but also for many other reasons....

Ever since I was about 12/13yrs old I have felt like I stood out from everyone else. Especially in primary school. I was the one to do stupid embarrassing things in class, I was the one picked on, I was the stupid guy, I was the f*cking loser who had not kissed a girl.... and was picked on further because of that....

I guess school played a big part in sparking off my problems/depression but I'm not sure it's just that.

More to the present..

I can't go anywhere in public now without nervously wondering what other people are thinking about me.. and if I might do something stupid and be laughed at... which I am used to happening to me.. Like being slagged by groups of scumbags and happening to be the only person they do it to...

I just feel so angry at people who do this to me, but most off all I am angry at myself... for being me I suppose... I hate that I am like this. A loser.......

I hate my appearance also. At the moment this is whats getting me down most of all.... I am not ugly but tbh I feel like there has to be something wrong with me if I am the one to be slagged on the street, and school of course......

I just want so damn badly to be good looking.... People who are (actors and such), don't f*cking appreciate what they have.... If I was attractive, then I don't think I would be having these problems. And I could be with attractive women.... I would feel good about myself....

Thats obviously impossible though. I can suddenly become a different person.... and this is becoming a very depressing and dangerous thought for me....

I'm just so damn lonely. I have been avoiding the outside world much more recently and have been staying at home almost exclusively.... I do have friends (I'm in a band) but the only time we spend time together is during band practices... which are far and few between...

Basically I stay up very late, way into the early hours, every night... Usually to at least 3:30am. It's been like this for over a year now.. I drink a lot of coffee for a reason I can't really understand, but thats also been a habit of mine for some time...

I have also been drinking almost every night (by myself obviously) for quite a long time. Usually it might stop for a while, then it will start again when I start feeling horrible.. It does help to fight away the thoughts though... Some nights I get really plastered though and I always end up breaking down and crying uncontrollably... Especially during the past few nights....

Recently though I have been crying a couple of times a day. I really am feeling heavily depressed. Probably more than ever before...

I have been seriously thinking about ending it because it really is becoming torture...

I am seeing a doctor, but I really don't try.... I have opened up and done at least 5 sessions now but I just don't feel any better...

As I have been living in almost complete isolation for a good few weeks now, it would be nice to hear from people. Not sure what can be done though... I really do feel hopeless at this stage.

Thanks.

LegacyUser

I'm used to being left out ...

thanks anyway

bronte

Hi op, sorry you are having such a hard time of it.
One thing I will say is definitely try cutting out the alcohol.
It can do rotten things to your mood and really affect your emotional stability.
Coffee can be bad too, I had to cut it out because it gave me a rapid heartbeat.
As for wondering about what other people think..I can honestly tell you that most people are way too wrapped up in their own concerns to be worried about what others are up to. I really mean that.
The ones that give you a hard time are doing so because it's the only way they can feel better about themselves.
Please don't worry about them...if you make a big big issue about doing or saying something silly..it only adds fuel to the fire.
Laugh it off if you can, and you'll find they don't bother making a big deal of it because they aren't getting a reaction from you.

Scumbags will pick on ANYONE thay can, because it makes them feel good and gives them a cheap laugh.
I think that says a lot about them as people.
You have NO reason to be angry with yourself WHATSOEVER!
If anything, they should feel ashamed of themselves.

Hold your head up high and ignore any idiots that give you hassle.

I hope you'll post back and let me know how you are, your post really spoke to me.

Take care.

Strokesfan

OP - When your self esteem is down that low - some people do take advantage and maybe slag you off for that reason (because they can). You have to work on that above anything else I think. Gaining confidence, acting confident - really try to occupy yourself with work, study, gym, an evening course.
The more time you spend in the company of others - the less time you'll have to get into this cycle of ruminative thinking.
If you read this personal issues section sometimes - a LOT of people feel the same at some stage so don't beat yourself about it so much. Honestly it's the isolation that will make it ten times worse so make sure you do stuff - even hanging around with family.

Call Me Jimmy

Unreg07 wrote: »

I can't go anywhere in public now without nervously wondering what other people are thinking about me.. and if I might do something stupid and be laughed at... which I am used to happening to me.. Like being slagged by groups of scumbags and happening to be the only person they do it to...

I just feel so angry at people who do this to me, but most off all I am angry at myself... for being me I suppose... I hate that I am like this. A loser.......

I hate my appearance also. At the moment this is whats getting me down most of all.... I am not ugly but tbh I feel like there has to be something wrong with me if I am the one to be slagged on the street, and school of course......


Thanks.

I am in pretty much the same situation as you now but a bit of advise about "slaggings in the street". If you look afraid they will pounce. As I said I am in the same mental situation as you but when i see a group of scumbags coming towards I walk tall and puff the chest out and walk right through em. Also, a "what the **** are you looking at?" face helps.

LegacyUser

You are not the only one!! Really!! if all the lonely scared people got together then we probably wouldn't be lonely and scared.
I have slept no more then 3-4 hrs a night for the past 4 years.
I book into hotels just to sleep some times. All i want is peace and quite and the to mind my own business. Really thats how i live my life. But others get in the way.
Vigilantism is wrong, but...

supertramp

Hi,
I think the best thing to do is get involved in some sort of sports activity. Not just for the social end, but it's something you can let yourself take anger out on.
For example I used to be depressed, like you worried everyone was judging me. If I was walking past a crowd my eyes would water uncontrollably. But I started cycling a lot. I would try my hardest to suffer pain and fatigue because I thought I was punishing myself. I thought if I cycled so much I would be too tired to feel depressed.
The more fitter I became the more self-confident I became, and that confidence spread to other things. I wasn't worried about not ever been kissed, hell I'm 23 and a half and still haven't. This year I had cycled 1,700km in 2 weeks, and I am planning to do a circumnavigation in the future. So, find whatever suits you and try your hardest.
It may appear in society that nobody cares, but a lot of people do. And a lot more people are suffering the same, and have gotten better.

sonichic

Most people feel, inferior. Most people feel paranoid, they just don't admit it. But the difference is, they cope because they find someone to talk about it, like a really close friend. we don't all have really close friends or people who have not let us down. Most people feel they are not pretty or handsome. (fact) You have to find someone to talk to. Usually someone neutral like a work colleague. you are ok, maybe afraid to talk to someone you know cause they will judge you? we all need someone to off load with and sometimes it's difficult to find that in life. it's ok don't be afraid. talk here..

biZrb

Op, can you not organise more band practices yourself, if you leave it up to other people to organise this stuff you could be waiting forever. If you are in a band you obviously like music, could you not ask your mates to go to some gigs with you?

Stop drinking.
Stop thinking you're a loser.
Stop wishing you were someone else.

You need to get out of your routine of being alone, drinking and staying up late. Get a part time job, do a night class, join a club, get out and meet people.
The thoughts of doing something where you have to meet people and get out of your comfort zone is going to be quite daunting, Im pretty shy, so anytime I start a new job for example, I get so scared about being with new people and thinking of things to say to them. I think about it too much and then I panic and don't say anything at all and get annoyed at myself. But what i've learnt is to not think about it, then I dont spend my time panicing, instead I manage to get some sort of conversation going, which is much better than sitting in the corner not saying anything. I know Im never going to be an outgoing extrovert, but im ok with that. I can't be like everybody else, Im can only be myself.
If you meet new people they have no idea what you are like as a person, so you got to let your personality shine, people will like you for who you are, but you've got to give them the chance to.

sonichic

biZrb wrote: »

join a club, get out and meet people.
The thoughts of doing something where you have to meet people and get out of your comfort zone is going to be quite daunting, Im pretty shy, so anytime I start a new job for example, I get so scared about being with new people and thinking of things to say to them. I think about it too much and then I panic and don't say anything at all and get annoyed at myself.

most people feel like this, it's completely normal.

karen3212

Hi op, I definately think that if you can fit some kind of excercise into your day it could help too. I go for a walk almost every day and I always feel better for it. Also please remember that especially teenage years and early twenties hormones can be all over the place, so please don't be too hard on yourself. I bet most of the kids that hassle you on the street are hormoney kids too, but please if you can, try and stop putting yourself down, give yourself a chance and praise yourself for the effort you are making.

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone for your advice.

Sorry I took some time to reply, I have been having trouble actually getting myself in the mood to do so.

I will try answer some of your questions.

Yes I have thought a lot before about trying a sport or setting a daily excerise routine. Thing is, I have never gone though properly with them because my mind is always taking over, and when I get really depressing thoughts I wallow in them and don't have any intent on dealing with the routines.... As far as fitness goes though, I'm not overweight at all.. but I guess that doesnt mean I am healthy..

And I know it's best for me to stop drinking but right now it's my only comfort.. It's the only thing I can run to..

And the question about my band, as I said we do not get together very often and it's for a few reasons. One of them is that all the members are doing 6th year which is tough and takes up alot of their time. And also one of them in particular (the drummer) is a very popular person and is always doing something. Any time we do practice he's out the door within a few hours to go to a party. And we do gig. Not very often but it happens every couple of weeks. Don't get on to well with being on stage, but I suppose I don't do too bad either.. Once we're done i'm usually straight off. Just can't stick around in places like that.

Usually when we do organise practices I get really excited and it perks me up a lot. I really enjoy being with the band. We're a jam band so it's always great fun. Then when they are over I hit a very lonely feeling suddenly then I am back to where I am...

Thanks again everyone

bronte

It sucks when there's a little down side to something you enjoy.
Would you be at all interested in Acting?
I've met some wicked people through doing shows, and after rehearsal we tend to go out and socialize together.
Acting can really bring you out of your shell and boost your confidence...it did for me, I was painfully shy at school!
Might be something to think about.
You have to get out of your head and concentrate on positive thoughts as opposed to constantly scrutinizing yourself and others.
Give yourself a break...you're young and deserve to be out having fun
Hope ya feel better this evening.

Zillah

Money can solve your problems.

Seriously, it can really help, hows your cash flow? Try some of these money related ideas:

- Go to a hairdresser (unisex, rather than a barber) and tell them you're bored with your hair as it is and could they please reccomend something.

- Buy lots of new clothes. You probably have lots of old clothes than seem ok but if you really pay attention they're probably showing their age. Get something stylish, a blazer, some shirts, strong colours you probably wouldn't normally go for. Ask the people in the shop to reccomend something.

- Join a gym. If you're paying for the facilities you're far more likely to use them. Forget weights and bulking up and all that crap. Hop on a rowing machine for ten minutes, go for a swim.

- Tidy up your room/house/apartment. Stagnant clutter is bad for the brain. I suppose that one doesn't take money but it can't solve all your problems.

The first two should help you get a bit more confidence. The second two should boost your mood in general. Keep seeing the doctor, they're trained for this sort of thing. They might be able to medicate you or something.

Zillah

bronte wrote: »

Would you be at all interested in Acting?

Did you just reccomend that a person suffering severe social anxiety get into acting...?

LadyMayBelle

I def agree with sholdd really stop drinking...it is a downward spiral that can so often end in misery. and the coffee intake.

I took up dancing when I felt low, okay maybe this isnt what you fancy doing, but take it as an example. It took all of my energy to actually go to the class, with a friends help and i spent the first few weeks feeling horrible, like everyone was wondering why I was even there. But I met people and really had to force myself into talking to them, and almost preparing the questions I was going to ask in my head. If Im honest I sometimes wondered if I wa faking it, and then battled with that whole area, but I really feel you joining something different will help.

and Zillah is right..clear out your room/flat house..give stuff to the charity store, clutter in your living surrounds will clutter your brain.

Go and get a haircut, and a new outfit, bring a friend who maybe you can trust along, or if you dont feel youve anyone, ask a shop asst who seems okay.

And dont spend too long on internet social network sites..a hidden disster that can can make you feel inadequate and worthless, when you see these fantastic looking people(how many people pose for their progile shots?..all!) Get some fresh air, get out and get a part time job. It may give you a sense of meaning for a time, and focus yourself.

I hope youre alright. youre not alone in feeling like this and you will be alright.

bronte

Zillah wrote: »

Did you just reccomend that a person suffering severe social anxiety get into acting...?

He's already enjoying being on stage with the band...it's a suggestion , not for everyone though.
He likes performing with the band, and likes the rehearsal process.
There is a similar process involved with putting on a show.
I just thought he may enjoy it.
Being on stage is very different to real life.
Many actors are very shy in real life...but again it's not for everyone.

estar

first of all well done on being so self aware - you describe your
feelings very accurately, many people cannot do this.
this is a gift that you have, that will help you get better.

when people are depressed they focus only on every negative
thing that ever happened to them, it can be triggered by
a close series of negative events which make you feel like
- look only negative things happen to me, im a loser, im
singled out by the universe, why bother being me-
then you start collecting negative experiences to re-inforce
your self theory, and it becomes a big snowball of self hate.

loads of people have negative experiences, you arent the only
one. what characterises a loser, is not having negative experiences
but how one REACTS to the negative experiences. and the one
thing you should do is NOT let them get to you.

They say depression is a form of unexpressed anger. if you are
a quiet, or reserved person often when someone crosses
over your personal boundaries - you just accept it.
but you are left seething with rage. this is dangerous.
that rage as you can see now isnt going away. you are
left raging at yourself for not defending yourself, not being
attractive so they would have left you alone.

there are a few things i want you to know
1. you are not alone. there are thousands of people out there today
thinking - i hate myself. that means its not you - its a state of mind, not a reflection of reality. you are not a loser. you are HUMAN. with faults, with
gifts. like us all. at the moment your mind is like a self focused telescope.
entirely focused on yourself, and specifically on all your faults. if i was to do that i would be crying by lunchtime!!!

2. if you keep a diary you will most likely start to see a pattern in your
thoughts. and i imagine that alcohol exascerbates your feelings.
i strongly strongly advise that you dont drink until you feel better.
alcohol is a heavy anti-depressant - you are not going to get better
while you are drinking. once you have learned how to protect yourself
from the world, perhaps you can start again.

3. this is going to sound a bit cheesy. every day last thing at night
you are to think three positive things about yourself. even if you
are feeling negative. even if its - i smiled at someone yesterday-
i made mum a cup of tea. you are writing yourself out of the world
with your self script. its very important you start to see yourself
as a contributer even in a very small way and not a big negative
blotch on the world. you are just human, as i said. thats all anyone
expects of you.

4. no one is going to be able to love you properly (as in a girlfriend) if you dont love
yourself. you are going to have to accept yourself and love yourself
as you are, and work with what you have got. i would love to be
heidi klum and walk in my underwear for a living. unfortunately
unless cellulite becomes a fashion statement this is unlikely to happen.
but i still love myself the way i am. this is how i was meant to be.

5. exercise is very important. get out and walk every day and look
around - you sound like you spend a lot of time stuck indoors. this
would depress anyone.

keep seeing the doctor. if you are not on anti-depressants
maybe try them. they really do provide an emotional safety net
when going through hard times. you just dont have the terrible
lows. try AWARE - they are good. also explore other avenues with
music. perhaps take some lessons or take up another instrument.

you just have established an unhealthy pattern of living and thinking
which has been re-inforced by the experiences you have picked out
from your whole range of experiences. now you will have to
find a new pattern of living and being that doesnt involve you
hating yourself. you have nothing to hate yourself for.

keep posting here, your experiences may help you to relate to others
and help them out of their misery also.

i hope this helps. you arent alone, and it isnt because you are you.
every negative thought you have about yourself feeds the monster
inside that hates you. this sounds a bit stupid, but you have to
starve the monster. every time you have a negative thought about
yourself, think about that monster. and then think something positive.

estar

i would also advise that you go to bed at the same time every night
if you find that your head is swirling with negative thoughts, write
them down first to get them out of your head and get to slee before
twelve/

sleep is essential for calm nerves and a clear mind.
i cant emphasise this enough. the way you are behaving now really
isnt at all conducive to good mental health - drink, no sleep and
no exercise = in a bad mood for anyone. its like you have a permanent
hangover without the nausea. its like someone in the process of
cutting off their leg saying, i have a pain in my leg. not that this is your
fault, but you need to mind yourself.

also, kurt cobain hated himself, thought he was ugly and worthless.
i know its a cheesy example, but look how many girls the world over
ADORED him, including most of my class in school. it just goes to show
you its not about reality its about how you feel inside. and he shut everyone
out because of how he felt which wanst based on reality. and then we all
know what happened there. while people like cliff richard are still around LOVING themselves. how can this happen? its because of how each person thinks about themselves. i mean how can kurt cobain want to kill himself
while daniel o donnnell is still alive. anyway. i digress. you get the point.

you must break this pattern, step by step day by day.

keep posting on here.

Running Bing

Unreg07 wrote: »

Not really thinking straight right now but I'll try my best..

I'm an 18yr old guy and I have been suffering from severe social anxiety for most of my life.. Only just recently diagnosed with this though.. What I have not been officially diagnosed on yet though is the depression, which I know I have been suffering from due to the anxiety, but also for many other reasons....

Ever since I was about 12/13yrs old I have felt like I stood out from everyone else. Especially in primary school. I was the one to do stupid embarrassing things in class, I was the one picked on, I was the stupid guy, I was the f*cking loser who had not kissed a girl.... and was picked on further because of that....

I guess school played a big part in sparking off my problems/depression but I'm not sure it's just that.

More to the present..

I can't go anywhere in public now without nervously wondering what other people are thinking about me.. and if I might do something stupid and be laughed at... which I am used to happening to me.. Like being slagged by groups of scumbags and happening to be the only person they do it to...

I just feel so angry at people who do this to me, but most off all I am angry at myself... for being me I suppose... I hate that I am like this. A loser.......

I hate my appearance also. At the moment this is whats getting me down most of all.... I am not ugly but tbh I feel like there has to be something wrong with me if I am the one to be slagged on the street, and school of course......

I just want so damn badly to be good looking.... People who are (actors and such), don't f*cking appreciate what they have.... If I was attractive, then I don't think I would be having these problems. And I could be with attractive women.... I would feel good about myself....

Thats obviously impossible though. I can suddenly become a different person.... and this is becoming a very depressing and dangerous thought for me....

I'm just so damn lonely. I have been avoiding the outside world much more recently and have been staying at home almost exclusively.... I do have friends (I'm in a band) but the only time we spend time together is during band practices... which are far and few between...

Basically I stay up very late, way into the early hours, every night... Usually to at least 3:30am. It's been like this for over a year now.. I drink a lot of coffee for a reason I can't really understand, but thats also been a habit of mine for some time...

I have also been drinking almost every night (by myself obviously) for quite a long time. Usually it might stop for a while, then it will start again when I start feeling horrible.. It does help to fight away the thoughts though... Some nights I get really plastered though and I always end up breaking down and crying uncontrollably... Especially during the past few nights....

Recently though I have been crying a couple of times a day. I really am feeling heavily depressed. Probably more than ever before...

I have been seriously thinking about ending it because it really is becoming torture...

I am seeing a doctor, but I really don't try.... I have opened up and done at least 5 sessions now but I just don't feel any better...

As I have been living in almost complete isolation for a good few weeks now, it would be nice to hear from people. Not sure what can be done though... I really do feel hopeless at this stage.

Thanks.

First of all your in band! Well done, thats class! I would love to do that but I could never go up on stage and although they probably wont admit it the majority people are the exact same.

Secondly Stop drinking alcohol, stop drinking coffee, have more confidence in your self and dont be afraid of scumbags on the street:rolleyes: Sorry but that is sh1t advice. The OP is as aware of this as anybody and if he could just do those things maybe he would have done it by know?


Anyway there are a lot of good suggestions in this thread. If I may add one I would say take up boxing or a martial art......now dont worry I am not suggesting you learn these then go and batter the fellas slagging you a la the Karate kid but boxing(or orther martial arts) are some of the most beneficial things you can do.

Your health, confidence, discipline and self esteem will all improve and you can vent anger in a positive way(nothing like two minutes with a punch bag to make everything clear:D).


The other great thing about this is that places where you do martial arts tend to be very relaxed socially. What I mean by this is that you can go at your own pace with making friends. Your not going to be obligated to treat everyone you meet like your best friend but as you get more comfortable in the surroundings you can come out of your shell and it is very easy to talk to people at these things...if you so wish. And these places tend to have all sorts of people young, old, short, tall, skinny, fat, black, white, orange, yellow, green whatever so dont worry about standing out or if your not "atletic" or "fast" or "strong"...it doesnt matter.


This will not be easy.....in fact making that leap of actually getting up and going out to something like this will probably be an excruciating thought at first and unfortunately nobody can do it for you but yourself. but stick with it and I gurantee you will benfit substantially and will feel really good about yourself. If you want any further info about doing something like this dont hesitat to PM me Unreg...and Good luck.


Oh and it could be worse you could be one of those scumbags on the street who feel the need to take the piss out of a stranger to make themselves feel better.:rolleyes:

Running Bing

estar wrote: »

also, kurt cobain hated himself, thought he was ugly and worthless.
i know its a cheesy example, but look how many girls the world over
ADORED him, including most of my class in school. it just goes to show
you its not about reality its about how you feel inside.

Yeah thats a very good point. Doesnt matter how good you are or what you look like you can get depressed. Owen Wislon(millionare actor who many women love) slashed his wrists there a few weeks back and Adriano(one of the best footballers in the world) suffers from depression.


You would not believe the amount of taleneted, good looking models, muscisians, actors and actresses who are deeply depressed. It has nothing to do with what you look like or what you do its about how you feel about yourself.

Of course the flip side of that is I know complete wasters with no talent who are the very definition of Ugly but they love themselves and have absolute bags of confidence and they get all the women and have a ball.

estar

Secondly Stop drinking alcohol, stop drinking coffee, have more confidence in your self and dont be afraid of scumbags on the street:rolleyes: Sorry but that is sh1t advice. The OP is as aware of this as anybody and if he could just do those things maybe he would have done it by know?

not to be picky, but there isnt much point in the op trying out
martial arts until he stops drinking every night and staying up until
3.30 am - surely martial arts involves being well rested and fit.


just saying. its important to get the foundations of a house right
before you start putting on the roof. and the foundations are
sleep, diet and moderate exercise

thats my opinion, of course you are entitled to yours.

estar

Zillah wrote: »

Did you just reccomend that a person suffering severe social anxiety get into acting...?

did you just recommend that money can solve his problems?

eh, just look at britney spears

and all the rest of them

money is not a solution, the solution comes from within

mikemac

What an honest post OP.
Most of the advice I'd give is already here so reread this thread a few times to take it all in.

Scumbags pick on everyone. Doesn't matter if you're a 15 stone Polish bodybuilder or a slim, weak guy.
Btw, they are hard men in a group but on their own they are nothing
But if walk and act confidently these issues decrease, but never go anyway.
Look into Taekwondo or some martial art. Nearly every town in Ireland has a club and you'll get to meet new people.

I find it interesting you call yourself shy but you play in a band.
I'm kinda the same as I'd not great at small talk but I do a lot of presentations in work and good at public speaking.
Playing a band is class, sure you'd have a lot of girls interested in you

Make a pledge to cut the beer and coffee from now until Christmas. You'll feel a whole lot better.
While I don't realy have the same problems I'm doing this as a goal and it may suit you.
Ignore if you want but it's a good goal and I think it'd build up confidence.
www.bodyforlife.com

Running Bing

estar wrote: »

Secondly Stop drinking alcohol, stop drinking coffee, have more confidence in your self and dont be afraid of scumbags on the street:rolleyes: Sorry but that is sh1t advice. The OP is as aware of this as anybody and if he could just do those things maybe he would have done it by know?

not to be picky, but there isnt much point in the op trying out
martial arts until he stops drinking every night and staying up until
3.30 am

Absolutely.....Id like to see him do an hour or two of boxing or another MA and stay up until 3.30. He will sleep better than he ever has in his life. You may need to be well rested to perform your best but were not talking about going into compeition here were talking about an hour long lesson.

The majority of things you are better at when well rested so do you suggest the OP does nothing until he gives up drink and staying up late?

estar wrote: »

just saying. its important to get the foundations of a house right
before you start putting on the roof. and the foundations are
sleep, diet and moderate exercise

But it is very difficult to just say right tonight no drink, asleep by 10 then a brisk walk in the morning.

You need a good reason do those things and I think Martial arts would be an excellent catalyst. Its the strength he will get from Martial arts that will help him achieve those things...surely that is the foundation and giving up drink and getting sleep is the roof....the eventual goal?

Zillah

estar wrote: »

did you just recommend that money can solve his problems?

Yah, but if you had actually read my post you'd see that I reccomended a lot more than that.

estar

Babybing wrote: »

Absolutely.....Id like to see him do an hour or two of boxing or another MA and stay up until 3.30. He will sleep better than he ever has in his life. You may need to be well rested to perform your best but were not talking about going into compeition here were talking about an hour long lesson.

The majority of things you are better at when well rested so do you suggest the OP does nothing until he gives up drink and staying up late?




But it is very difficult to just say right tonight no drink, asleep by 10 then a brisk walk in the morning.

You need a good reason do those things and I think Martial arts would be an excellent catalyst. Its the strength he will get from Martial arts that will help him achieve those things...surely that is the foundation and giving up drink and getting sleep is the roof....the eventual goal?

apologies to the op, sure everyone posting here its just giving their views, they are all equally valid, and im sure you will benefit from all of them.

no i am not saying that he shouldnt do anything but rome wasnt built in a day. when you are very upset in yourself its important to start small, i think.

you start off small and then build on that

so today you say - ok perhaps not a drink tonight
and an early night - then you maintain that for a few weeks
and then you add another goal
that way you build back slowly - otherwise it would be like going to a martial arts
class and trying to fight a black belt. you dont do that.
instead you learn a basic move.

and the basic move i am suggesting to the op - and im going to repeat
it unless it gets lost in discussions on the relative merits of martial arts -which again to reiterate i am sure martial arts are great :


write down your feelings
see what triggers negative thoughts
try and engage in positive thoughts to counter the negative
get to bed early if you can
cut out alcohol
engage in things you enjoy such as music, perhaps taking up more music
take some daily exercise
hang around with people that you enjoy, or who love you, such as family
share your thoughts with others you trust
repeat

when you feel better in about a month or 6 months or so then you can reassess other goals
such as getting to know more people, starting a new part time job,
taking up a new sport, such as perhaps martial arts.

again, this is just my opinion

op i wish you the best of luck

kowloon

Drawing comparisons with celebrities might not be a good place to start, what you see are not the real people.

You're only 18, you can still pull a victory out of the hat and enjoy yourself.

Get out, have a laugh, Show up to a boards beers, (something i've been meaning to do)

Spoony2

I had deperesion for about 4 years it sucked.

but one thing that allways made me feel good when i had depresion was dance music you know your music i suspect you should also know the C note it's known as the happy mood freqeuncey which helps endorfins make you feel happy good i sugest maybe listening to some good quality dance music il go so far as to recomend some really good music which would help you im positive.

as for some of your other problems Reading, Reading is an amazeing way of escapeing negativity try reading some really good fantasy books or fiction or probably the funnyist book ive ever read but bezz from the happy mondays auto biography i read 50 pages in a cafe once and i swear to god i never stoped laughin and i was getting strange looks but i just loked back at them even stranger.

Other ways to counteract your depression are things like train of thought if you wollow in depression you will stay there if you look at the good things in life youle sudenly feel better and probably the best thing i ever found from haveing depression was haveing a nice hot shower allways made me feel better and putting on cleen cloths. keeping your bed cleen changeing sheets these all help amazeingly.

One other thing you say about not feeling good lookin

good lookin people are useually the most boreing and really self centered go look at a thread intitled beauty and the beast as much as she is honest she hopeless in every other way of her life you probably see amazeing women and go :eek: we all do..

but it like opening a can with some olives in that look really nice and have a fancey name but when you look inside there soaked in brean and taste revolting

all i can sya is ive had depreassion itsa tough thing to beat but if you choose you want to beat it you will never be more proud of your self i can garintee you that my friend

light123

I few things: I was like you a lot in my teenage years and still am, I'm 35 and haven't worked for 4 years.

Writing a diary can be helpful but only if you do not dwell on the negative stuff too much, write about other stuff too. I did this for a year and my girlfriend finds some of what I wrote funny. I don't write but would like to, but and here is a little point, I don't dwell on it. Myself and the girlfriend don't have many friends but we do ok.

An important thing is to be well rested and well fed. Being hungry is a big downer. Try also to make it good food as bad food can act as a depressant.

I was on anti depressants until very recently. Taking them didn't really seem to help much but this is my personal experience. If you have a choice don't go too near drugs.

Do think about things that you find interesting, it doesn't matter how weird to other people it might be.

As was already said the best people have experienced depression and most people do as well.

Go to your library and read books about self-help, books like Feel the fear and do it anyway.
The books don't work but they do give the impression, which I find very important is that there is other people out there as well and with similar stories.

You are excellent at something, playing the guitar and probably a lot more as well that you don't think about.

You are human which means you are imperfect. Try and think about yourself in this way and think that yes this is who I am, and also that you are basically a good person.

Be patient, take your time with things. Things are not positive or negative or happy or sad, they are. As you are, human.

This may seem like crap but I have experienced a lot of depression in my time and just want to distill what I can.

You don't hate yourself you hate your way of being ie how things are for you, they will change, and you will change and yes you will get better.

Just be patient,

Take Care,

J