1st time sex, hurt like hell-help?

LegacyUser

so my boyfriend and I decided to go for it today (both virgins). Before anyone asks, we are in love and totally comfortable with each other and yes, I was fully aroused. However he only entered me a tiny bit and it hurt so bad I had to ask him to stop so we just left it. It was extremely painful! Does anyone have any advice or tips or has anyone had the same experience? Thanks in advance.

biko

Use lots of lube or oil. There are positions where you will be more "open" and this may hurt less. For instance squatting on top. Pretty much any position where your legs are at 90 degree angle to your body.

Dinxminx

I agree with Biko - start on top so that you can control what's happening. That way you'll be able to get past the pain part (hopefully!) in your own time.

Snarler

Its like ripping a plaster off. Ram it in, take the pain and its all good from then on.

pepper

I had a similar experience at my 1st time, were you totally relaxed ? If your not relaxed (even if your aroused) it will still hurt like hell as your muscles will clench up.i dont think lube wil help here if its your muscles clenching

All 1st timers feel pain its natural- i even felt pain a couple of times after that,its just your body getting used to a new experience.

Also(a lil off topic)If you havent already go to the doctor and go on the pill(even if your using condoms) and dont worry the doc cant tell your mother (doc/patient confidentiality)

Good luck

cornbb

Don't use oil or oil-based lube if you plan on using condoms (which would be the sensible thing to do). It causes the rubber to deteriorate. Lube shouldn't be necessary at all if you are properly aroused.

It might be the case that you are too tense. Maybe start things off by getting a massage or (dare I say it) with one or two drinks.

Beruthiel

Snarler wrote: »

Its like ripping a plaster off. Ram it in, take the pain and its all good from then on.

Read this forums charter before you get yourself banned.
B

star-pants

OP -- Take Bikos advice about being on top - you can control from there and you can stop if it gets too much. It may take a few goes before you can let him in fully and even then it will probably hurt for the first while. But that happens with most people so don't worry.
Just take it slow - even a little more each time and you'll soon find yer way

StormWarrior

I think snarler has a point, it is going to hurt the first time, maybe even the first couple of times. Could you maybe buy yourself a small dildo/vibrator, and use it on yourself, so that you get used to having something put up there in your own time?

Marksie

I am guessing here that both of you were in a high state of excitement. Its very possible, actually more than likely that your b/friend got very carried away and tried to move into you too quickly.

The woman on top position is a very deep positoin to start with so be careful. If you boy friend can control himself if he moves very slowly and gently he can achieve penetration in a much more gentl fashion.

I am going to suggest that you you try an view it not as being entered but as you gradually opening to recieve him. So make it very slow and easy whether on top or underneath.
You can either raise and lower yourself by small degrees so thet the head of his penis gradually opens you. Similarly, he can do very slow shallow thrusts, veyr gently.
This will get you used to teh feel of what is happening.

WildIrishRose

Don't be scared to try things again.... with a little practise and time the pain will turn into pleasure... Experiment on till you find out what works for you, A dildo is a good suggestion as used in one of the comments about. If you know what works and feel good for you then you can then guide and direct you boyfriend too. I'm sure ye are both a little aprehencive afterwhat has happened.. But don't be. Its exciting to try something new..
Good Luck

Nevyn

StormWarrior wrote: »

I think snarler has a point, it is going to hurt the first time, maybe even the first couple of times.

I completely disagree, if a woman/girl is aroused enough with enough foreplay it need not hurt at all. My first time didn't and he wasn't exactly average.

StormWarrior wrote: »

Could you maybe buy yourself a small dildo/vibrator, and use it on yourself, so that you get used to having something put up there in your own time?

That is a good idea.

Dudess

Yep, my first time didn't hurt at all. Admittedly it was after a good few drinks, which completely relaxed me. Would that be an option for you, OP? And do you ever use tampons?

LegacyUser

thanks for all the advice so far everyone. dudess, i suppose a few drinks is an option but i don't want to be plastered drunk and not remember it either haha, and no I don't use tampons, maybe I should start using them that might help?

Dudess

Well don't get plastered. Two or three drinks will be enough to relax you.

Rented Mule

There can also be an issue with you having a thicker hymen and it not breaking completley that could be causing this issue.

Am I the only one who has seen Kinsey ? lol

This was the start to his entire study of human sexuality.

cudman

Thaedydal wrote: »

I completely disagree, if a woman/girl is aroused enough with enough foreplay it need not hurt at all. My first time didn't and he wasn't exactly average.




That is a good idea.

Sorry but I feel the need to disagree. I dont have a vagina myself but I do have experience of them. In my experience all women are different. Some can be very loose the first time but many can be tight for a long time.
My advice anyway would be to possibly have a couple of drinks and take your time. As someone else said try not to think about him entering as that will make you nervous and more tense.
If you dont feel weird about it a dildo (or similar object) could be agood idea.
Its only my opinion but Im not sure about the on top part. Most virgins I encountered didnt have the confidence and felt awkward getting on top as they were inexperienced. Your boyfriend is no doubt aware of your discomfort and I feel it would be easier to control the depth while you are in missionary position.

Lockstep

Snarler wrote: »

Its like ripping a plaster off. Ram it in, take the pain and its all good from then on.

you make it sound so romantic:D

Seriously though,maybe consider some lube. Could help things out.

Talliesin

Do you do pelvic-floor exercises?

While the most frequently mentioned sexual advantage (they have non-sexual advantages too) is the ability to tighten around a penis, it's not the only one. And quite the opposite benefit also accrues.

Of relevance to this particular thread is the fact that when you exercise muscles you become more aware of them (the old line about "muscles you didn't know you had" after starting a new work-out regime has truth to it). Then you will become more aware if you tensen them involuntarily out of nervousness and be able to relax them.

Overly tensening these muscles is a common course of pain during intercourse, particularly amongst the relatively inexperienced.

stratospheres

OP I'm in the same situation.

My boyfriend and I are just taking it slowly, trying a little bit more each time.
It can seem frustrating (I know it does for me) but try not to worry too much about it as this will only make things more difficult. I feel like a freak but its good to know that other people are going through this too.

LegacyUser

like stratosphere there, Im the same. well Im a virgin, the boyfs not but its all about being gentle and doing a little bit more each time.

the advice Iv gotten off friends is similar, have a couple of drinks, lots of foreplay (the wetter the better was how it was put to me!), try to relax etc

also would advice start using tampons, sooner get used to stuff being in there and the like

Dudess

stratospheres wrote: »

I feel like a freak

You're so not. It could be vaginismus - involuntary tensing of the muscles, which is actually quite common as far as I know.

LegacyUser

The pain doesn't last long if it's the tearing, it tears and hurts for a moment or two. Tensing is always sore, after 100s of times you can be tense and not realise it and it hurts like mad.