dont know what to think

LegacyUser

I was at my new boyfriends house tonight and we have been together about a month,I got a text from my mam that was important but i had no credit to reply so he said i could use his phone,i sent a few texts and got bored while he was upstairs talking to his room mate upstairs,i was flicking through the messages in the inbox and there was loads from what i gathered to be his ex,basically every message said i love you,and how she thought they would be together forever and how he was the love of her life,the outbox was deleted so i couldnt tell what he was saying,i felt sick to my stomach and left saying i was ill,i texted him about it when i got home then and his excuse was that she was on e and that he was saying nothing to encourage her,he did mention an ex that treated him badly before and hes saying that this is her,i honestly dont know what to believe,im still angry and he keeps trying to explain but i just dont know,any thoughts?h

Seraphina

*sigh*
dont read through his bloody phone.
people who read private stuff always jump to conclusions about what they read.

its quite possible she treated him badly, they broke up and she was on e and started texting him trying to get him back blah blah blah. just because she was saying this doesn't mean he was responding to it positively in any way.

dont compound the situation by acting the ass when your boyfriend has NOT DONE ANYTHING WRONG. this kind of behaviour will drive him away. snooping and then going home 'ill' in a huff. what age are you?

apologise for reading through his phone, and dont do it again. no matter how innocent stuff is, paranoid non trusting people will always find something to be suspicious about.

milli

You've only been going out a month; if you act paranoid this early on then you'll drive him away! But right now he's with you isn't he, not her so don't give him a reason to go back to his ex by blaming him for doing something you can't be sure of. As Seraphina said apologise for reading through his phone and don't do it again.

karen3212

Op, I think he is telling the truth. I've seen it happen to a friend of mine, when he split up with a girl he'd only been seeing for a few weeks, she was ringing and texting him constantly, even though he'd broken up with her. He had to change his phone in the end. You know your bf better than any of us, but if they've only broken up recently then it's very possible his ex thinks she wants him back.

LegacyUser

it didnt drive him away it had the opposite effect he just told me he loved me,i dont know what to think,he isnt mad over it in any way

Bottle_of_Smoke

What Seraphina said.

I'm starting to think a sticky telling people to stay te fu*k out of their partner's phones might be in order

LegacyUser

well when you see a message from someone called bambi saying that they are the love of their life you kind of get suspicious

l3LoWnA

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

What Seraphina said.

I'm starting to think a sticky telling people to stay te fu*k out of their partner's phones might be in order

Hehehe - true! Especially if you're going to go off in a huff and go home and then get on to him about texts you know nothing about!?!?

I have to admit though, I've personally snooped in a new boyfriends' phone before, but I had to pick it up from somewhere - as he'd lost it and the person who found it rang me, and I had to check it was his! I saw a text from an ex too, I said nothing though...I was ashamed of myself for looknig in the first place and annoyed that I knew about him beig in contact with her, ignorance is bliss is my motto. He would have been sorely disappointed in me for snooping as well as probably worried I'd have found out he was texting this ex (who after I'd dumped him, he got engaged to and now they've a newborn - how sweet.....) meh :rolleyes:

I think you were very wrong to look through his phone and I know many people don't keep their sent texts but I never EVER trust a man who deletes all his messages. The fact your boyfriend had all these messages in his inbox and gave you his phone to use, to me at least, means you've nothing to worry about, he's not hiding anything. Now, apologise for snooping in his phone, trust him and enjoy the relationship!

karen3212

l3LoWnA wrote: »

I think you were very wrong to look through his phone and I know many people don't keep their sent texts but I never EVER trust a man who deletes all his messages. The fact your boyfriend had all these messages in his inbox and gave you his phone to use, to me at least, means you've nothing to worry about, he's not hiding anything. Now, apologise for snooping in his phone, trust him and enjoy the relationship!

My mobile doesn't save sent messages, are all of them supposed to save sent messages?

l3LoWnA

karen3212 wrote: »

My mobile doesn't save sent messages, are all of them supposed to save sent messages?

Most mobiles have settings that you can adjust to overwrite sent messages or save them or not! Some people would rather not save them as their inbox might fill up pretty quickly and saving sent messages only hastens their message quota reaching maximum. I've no problem with people who have an empty outbox hehe, but if someone deletes all traces of texts on their phones as soon as a message is sent/received, therein lies my gounds for suspicions, like it or not they're hiding something....On two ocassions my suspicions about this mobile "habit" in a man have been proved to be correct (both affairs!! Both close to my heart)

Crumble Froo

what's he doing with you if he loves her?

i've a friend who after breaking up with 'the love of his life' couldnt bring himself to erase the evidence of years of friendship and trust and love that came in the form of her texts... he's now trying to move on, though still has some feelings for his ex - mostly anger and confusion. he has a g/f who she's pretty crazy about now, they're living together, but she's still not 100% over his ex. this, IMO, doesnt make him any less faithful or committed to his g/f and they are quite happy together. he does worry that maybe his girlfirend will find those texts one day, but isnt ready to delete them/get rid of them yet. i think that that's his choice and his business. he's a good dude, and not messin his g/f around, so i really wouldnt worry too much about it OP.

nicolo

Its hardly his fault if his ex texts him. if he says he didnt provoke it then cool, leave it, personally if a girl i was going out with a month went through my phone while i left the room and then had the nerve to give out to me about texts from an ex she'd be out the door quick smart.
just think about this, if he felt he had anythingto hide would he have lent you his phone?

Beruthiel

whattothink wrote: »

felt sick to my stomach and left saying i was ill,i texted him about it when i got home then

I agree with everything Seraphina said. You know this guy a month and yet think it's perfectly acceptable to invade his privacy.
And as for the above, you walk out of the house and then text him!!?? This is no way to behave in a relationship. How on earth do you expect to have a proper conversation through texting. You can't.
Here are the facts, he was with someone, he cared for her and she for him, they broke up, he's with you now.
You're making a mountain out of a molehill.

Reku

whattothink wrote: »

well when you see a message from someone called bambi saying that they are the love of their life you kind of get suspicious

I take it I'm the only one to have ever received the middle of the night drunken phone call/text from a member of the opposite sex going on and on about how much they love me? (it was a bit weird and worrying to say the least, then I also wasn't too chuffed about being woken up for it, yeah it was kinda sweet that she'd ring me to say she loved me [even if only as she was drunk*, but I'd still rather she could have done it sometime a hour or two prior to ~3am) If she was on drugs I can imagine she might do daft things like this.

l3LoWnA wrote: »

I've no problem with people who have an empty outbox hehe, but if someone deletes all traces of texts on their phones as soon as a message is sent/received, therein lies my gounds for suspicions, like it or not they're hiding something....On two ocassions my suspicions about this mobile "habit" in a man have been proved to be correct (both affairs!! Both close to my heart)

And the only way you'd know the difference between them not being saved and being saved then deleted would be having a further snoop through the phone's settings. Then I don't know about you but when my message quota is nearly reached I delete the delivery reports first then the outbox and lastly the older inbox messages. How would you discern this from an intentional deletion to hide evidence.
Lets face it, the fact is if you're snooping in partner (or anyone's phone for that matter) you're verging on stalker type behaviour. If you trust your partner you shouldn't be rummaging through their phone, e-mail, bebo inbox or whatever other things keep spawning these type threads. If you don't trust them then stop wasting their time and split up.

nicolo wrote: »

Its hardly his fault if his ex texts him. if he says he didnt provoke it then cool, leave it, personally if a girl i was going out with a month went through my phone while i left the room and then had the nerve to give out to me about texts from an ex she'd be out the door quick smart.
just think about this, if he felt he had anythingto hide would he have lent you his phone?

Agreed.