Asking him out

TheBrig

Hey, probably a classic question and I'd really appreciate a guy's take on this one, I've been out of the dating scene for AGES, purely been travelling and enjoying the whole single thing after a string of guys letting me down, ANYWAY, have been on two dates with this guy, he did all the chasing, ringing/texting/emailing etc, we went out for dinner & a few drinks on our first date, great night, laughed all night, and the second date, dinner & a show, it was an absolutely fantastic night, he stayed over, didn't sleep together, and that was two weeks ago, I have received two text messages from him since, very "how are you doing how are things etc" - no mention of another date, so I plucked up the courage and sent him a text yesterday asking him out again....I haven't heard a word since....was I mad or am I just really really impatient

helios

Impatient. He also might be trying to make you sweat a little bit.

MCMLXXXIII

not to be blunt, but you are mad

Guys don't think, unless they might get into something serious. If he thinks it's serious, it might take him a couple of days, if at all (guys are also cowards). But if he thinks it is another fun date (or if he wants to sleep with you...for real) you would get a reply text very quickly.

I don't know the exact situation, so that's why I gave both scenarios.

TheBrig

MCMLXXXIII wrote: »

not to be blunt, but you are mad

Guys don't think, unless they might get into something serious. If he thinks it's serious, it might take him a couple of days, if at all (guys are also cowards). But if he thinks it is another fun date (or if he wants to sleep with you...for real) you would get a reply text very quickly.

I don't know the exact situation, so that's why I gave both scenarios.

Mad cos I sent the text or mad cos I'm worrying about it?!

Storm_rages

You sound perfectly sane to me!
(course that only helps you if i'm not mad... and i can't say one way or the other)
but i think you did the right thing.. and all you do now is sit back and wait.. and maybe eat chocolate... or ice-cream..

TheBrig

Storm_rages wrote: »

You sound perfectly sane to me!
(course that only helps you if i'm not mad... and i can't say one way or the other)
but i think you did the right thing.. and all you do now is sit back and wait.. and maybe eat chocolate... or ice-cream..

Ha ha I'm actually eating choccy biscuits (and dipping them into my tea) as we speak

Reku

You've let him know the ball's in his court, but to be certain I'd suggest that you even propose an exact day/night, if you've still not gotten a reply by the day after the chosen day/night then forget him as if he didn't reply either he lost his mobile or he's not interested and not man enough to say so.
Really don't see why people always seem to think poorly of a girl who takes the initiative to ask a lad out for a date, so much for feminism and girl power... there's nothing mad about a girl who asks if a lad wants to go on a date/another date, she just knows what she wants and is willing to try get it.

Dragan

MCMLXXXIII wrote: »

not to be blunt, but you are mad

Guys don't think, unless they might get into something serious. If he thinks it's serious, it might take him a couple of days, if at all (guys are also cowards). But if he thinks it is another fun date (or if he wants to sleep with you...for real) you would get a reply text very quickly.

I don't know the exact situation, so that's why I gave both scenarios.

Hmmmm......all very pseudo dating science right there.

To throw another spin on things OP, normally when i get a text i reply to it straight away....sometimes i forget and i only reply a day or two later.

Would you believe there are actually guys like me out there who don't play the games, it's just sometimes we are busy and forget to reply.

I wouldn't read too much into the whole "how long it takes him to reply" thing.

metaoblivia

Going through the same thing, OP! I went out with a guy the other week. It was a fun night, we flirted like mad, but didn't get very physical. Afterwards, he texted me to say how much fun he had, and we should do it again. I texted back saying I agreed... and nothing since. He works in my building and we've had lunch a few times since, but it's just been casual conversation. The last time we had lunch, Friday, I mentioned our night out and how fun it was, and how we should do it again. He had already told me his plans to go out of town for the weekend earlier, but when I mentioned that he said if he didn't end up going out of town, he'd call me.
He never called.
Just take some deep breaths and get on with your life. If he calls, he calls, if he doesn't, oh well. There are a lot of people out there who don't know what they want or are too scared to go get it. You can analyze the situation to death, but the best thing to do is just move along.
I hope you hear from him!

TheBrig

metaoblivia wrote: »

Going through the same thing, OP! I went out with a guy the other week. It was a fun night, we flirted like mad, but didn't get very physical. Afterwards, he texted me to say how much fun he had, and we should do it again. I texted back saying I agreed... and nothing since. He works in my building and we've had lunch a few times since, but it's just been casual conversation. The last time we had lunch, Friday, I mentioned our night out and how fun it was, and how we should do it again. He had already told me his plans to go out of town for the weekend earlier, but when I mentioned that he said if he didn't end up going out of town, he'd call me.
He never called.
Just take some deep breaths and get on with your life. If he calls, he calls, if he doesn't, oh well. There are a lot of people out there who don't know what they want or are too scared to go get it. You can analyze the situation to death, but the best thing to do is just move along.
I hope you hear from him!

Aw thanks, you're very sweet, and I hope you hear from your guy (I'd say all the guys reading this are going bleurrrrggggh!) ha ha - yeah I think I'm actually giving myself a headache over-analysing it....how cool am I? I'll probably get a text in the next five minutes and come back on going "eh thanks guys I heard from him.." - but seriously thanks for all of the replies, if its done one thing for me, its made me laugh at how seriously I was taking the whole thing!

Vegeta

hypothetical here as I am in a very happy relationship

if I were single though and a girl I fancied text me asking me on a date, I'd reply faster than a really really fast thing.

unless he has a genuine reason for not texting, he lost his phone, was on holiday or something like that, then I'd say "he's just not that interested"

cant understand the ol' mind games myself

MCMLXXXIII

TheBrig wrote: »

Mad cos I sent the text or mad cos I'm worrying about it?!

hah, mad for worrying about it.

I am thinking the same thing as Vegeta...

Don't worry, and don't be angry if he never responds. Would you want to start dating someone that doesn't respond to your texts anyways?

King of Kings

i think if he was interested in more dates he would have texted you back.
I think you fine. the ball is in his court

milli

He could be trying to make you sweat it out, make you do all the chasing and turn the tables seeing as you let him do the chasing at the beginning? I'd give it a week and if you've not heard from him, leave it and move on.

If its one thing I hate is games and messing with each other's heads. I feel for you OP!

Sleepy

Either he's playing games because his female friends have told him that's how you win over a girl or he's just not that interested.

TheBrig

milli wrote: »

He could be trying to make you sweat it out, make you do all the chasing and turn the tables seeing as you let him do the chasing at the beginning? I'd give it a week and if you've not heard from him, leave it and move on.

If its one thing I hate is games and messing with each other's heads. I feel for you OP!

Okay, he replied last night and completely ignored the asking him out bit! He just rattled on about how his weekend went and enquired about mine?

the hero game

he didn't address it really?..
i don't get it, i think u did the perfectly right thing so don't think u screwed it up or anything.. it's a shame since u've described some really great dates there..

metaoblivia

TheBrig wrote: »

Okay, he replied last night and completely ignored the asking him out bit! He just rattled on about how his weekend went and enquired about mine?

I say it's time to pick up and move on. Don't even worry about why he's acting this way. Just move along. You've done your part!

Reku

TheBrig wrote: »

Okay, he replied last night and completely ignored the asking him out bit! He just rattled on about how his weekend went and enquired about mine?

It hardly got lost, the bit about going out? I've had that happen where messages are long enough that they actually are multiple pages, some of the pages arrive fine, others dissappear into the ether, never to be seen again.
I think just to be certain try phone him and ask him if he'd like to do something together this weekend, if he says no with no/a bad excuse then forget him, if he gives a reasonable excuse then ask about next week/weekend, if he still can't find the time for you then there's no way he's interested and he's just too chicken to tell you.

kowloon

Vegeta wrote: »

if I were single though and a girl I fancied text me asking me on a date, I'd reply faster than a really really fast thing.

Hehehe

Blackadder flashbacks

MCMLXXXIII

TheBrig wrote: »

Okay, he replied last night and completely ignored the asking him out bit! He just rattled on about how his weekend went and enquired about mine?

farohar wrote: »

It hardly got lost, the bit about going out? I've had that happen where messages are long enough that they actually are multiple pages, some of the pages arrive fine, others dissappear into the ether, never to be seen again.
I think just to be certain try phone him and ask him if he'd like to do something together this weekend, if he says no with no/a bad excuse then forget him, if he gives a reasonable excuse then ask about next week/weekend, if he still can't find the time for you then there's no way he's interested and he's just too chicken to tell you.

He was just trying to be polite by calling you back. I can appreciate that. Even if he didn't get the "ask-him-out-again" page, if he fancied you - he would ask you back out without even seeing it. He knows you are interested just from the fact that you contacted him again. Do yourself a favor and don't try sleeping with him to get his attention again. It might work, but it will be a bad relationship as well as tarnish your name.

TheBrig

MCMLXXXIII wrote: »

He was just trying to be polite by calling you back. I can appreciate that. Even if he didn't get the "ask-him-out-again" page, if he fancied you - he would ask you back out without even seeing it. He knows you are interested just from the fact that you contacted him again. Do yourself a favor and don't try sleeping with him to get his attention again. It might work, but it will be a bad relationship as well as tarnish your name.

Thanks, deep down that is exactly what I would have told a girlfriend in a similar situation but all too often we get ourselves in a tizzy and need to take a deep breath and calm down and look at it rationally! I've heard a bit from him recently, again very banal messages "how are you" and all, I've replied briefly and been friendly and polite - but I'd rather eat my own leg rather than instigate another date let alone sleep with him!! Thanks again.