Communication issues

This is very complicated, put simply it appears I've a serious fear of talking to people I don't know. I think I've mentioned this before to some small detail but now my work's starting to suffer as a result. I'm even having trouble getting up in the mornings. While most of my writings here are work-related the issue as a whole isn't, hence why I posted it here.

I work in a job where I do most of my work away from the public. But when the shop area gets busy I'm called out to serve. Or I'll need to call a customer to inform them of the status of their repair, or answer a call because nobody else can get to it. I can't always speak clearly and often find myself trembling or not able to get the right words out. Body language wise I appear very defensive, not looking people in the eyes and folding my arms without realising. Even in work a few months back the postman said to me "I get the impression you're very nervous." Well, yes I am. When I get called out to serve someone I think to myself "ugh not again, just leave me alone." Outside of work, I can rarely make an advance on someone I like, I constantly think I won't know what to say or she'll be mean to me or whatever. Well as far as self-esteem is concerned I hate myself so words of encouragement from within are rare.

I've been living in Drumcondra for 8 months now and haven't made any friends. But I know it's partially because part of me is avoiding social scenarios. I'm just like that... if I fail once at something or have a bad experience I attempt to avoid it and/or harshly batter myself for it. This is the problem at work, I've made several errors in my line of duty and when I get corrected for them I treat it as if they're having a go at me even though that's not necessarily the case. I feel really hurt and upset over it, which makes me attempt to avoid that situation in future.

It hasn't always been this way, when I was a child I was always yapping at people I didn't know. It just seems to have changed over the years, I became very shy and withdrawn. I want to have friends and be sociable but it seems this fear is so overwhelming that I can't escape it. I'm getting counselling at the moment but I don't think I can keep it on because it conflicts with work. Rescheduling would mean I'd need to see someone else and start all over again.

The thing is, I'm now starting to debate whether I'm worse off since moving than when I lived with my parents. At least at that time I wasn't lonely and I know I still miss my family. And while I was unhappy then, I had the ambition that moving here might help me out, but now that I've done so and it hasn't helped me I feel I've nothing left.

I think I just wanted to let all this out of me...

I was going to suggest counselling but you say you already are so I'm not sure now. Perhaps you should try seeing someone else and rescheduling if you feel the current person isn't helping - they're not all the same and finding the right person to help you is important.
Perhaps you could try, when relaxed and not busy, working through one particular situation and figuring out why you react the way you do, how exactly you react, what goes through your head when someone is talking to you, what you're afraid of happening, and what it would feel like if it got worse etc. I find this helpful to defuse.

Snarler

Thats just who your are as a person. You can try and change your behaviour but it will alwasy be a battle. Accept that you are a nervous individual and build your life aroudn that fact.

whiskeyman

you've avoided social interaction. I used to be afraid to even answer the phone, at work and at home! I used to be similar to you. I only got around it when I went into college. I joined clubs and even formed my own one. It was so tough, but I knew I had to do it.
I used those clubs as outlets for me to develop my social skills. Now I love social interaction. My self esteem feels perfect and I'm very happy with myself.
You really have to push yourself, and you will see changes in yourself for the better.
Perhaps look at joining clubs, or perhaps toastmasters? I know a few people that did them. You need to grow in confidence. Once you get over the initial hurdle, you'll be sprinting. Go for it! Best of luck

Snarler wrote:

Accept that you are a nervous individual and build your life aroudn that fact.

Accept it for now, but work on changing it!! I did, and it worked. I'm sure many others can say the same.

JuliusCaesar

I have PM'd you