Boyfriend speed dating

Seoige

My boyfriend is thinking of going speed dating with a single friend of his to give his friend some support. I admire his loyalty but...He said that if he went he'd just explain to the girls he chats to that he's in a relationship and there with a friend. I know he's not going to run away with someone else but am I wrong to not be ok with it?
Thanks

Pompey Magnus

Is your boyfriend this blokes only friend? Could he not get anyone else who is single to go along? I mean I assume it is innocent given that your BF has told you about it, but still I don’t think it is entirely appropriate, but then that might be just me.

Nevyn

Hey he is going to be supportive of his friend which is wonderful and if you are happy enough and trust him and ok with then you are ok with it.
Absolutly nothing wrong with you feeling secure enough in your realtionship for him to to this.

LegacyUser

.... wuddnt worry about it too much, groups of single/attached girls go to these events all the time, get drunk and have a laugh..

l3LoWnA

Personally I would not be ok with it! Loyal to his friend and you or not, there will be countless amounts of single ladies there trying to score your man! Regardless of how much you trust him, I would not be ok sending my boyfriend into the mart like that - even if he IS going to explain he's not available!

Of course that's just my opinion - I'm sure he'll understand if you tell him, would he be ok with YOU going to e singles night with your friend?

Seoige

Yeh I told him I wouldn't be happy with it and he got cross saying that I obviously don't trust him enough. I asked him what he'd think if I went to something like that with a friend and he said he'd have no problem!!! I'm not sure what to do really because I don't think I'm secure enough to feel ok with it even though I know he wouldn't cheat...if that makes any sense?? I don't know what else to say to him about it!

radioactiveman

there will be countless amounts of single ladies there trying to score your man!

Don't know about that! it can be hard enough to meet people at those kind of events. Alot of people just go for the laugh - I think you're matched up with people who ticked your card (and who you ticked). So if your boyfriend doesn't tick anyone it should be ok.
Also he could just decide not to do anything. just a crazy thought

Beruthiel

I thought speed dating was for single people. Won't he be wasting some girls time if he's involved in it? False advertising!

l3LoWnA

Why don't you grab one of your friends and go along to the Singles night aswell....seperately of course.... or at least you could sugest that to your boyfriend.... don't know what to say to you. A boyfriend of mine wouldn't be allowed to go and that would be the end of it!


[Edit - I also agree with Beruthiel - it's not really fair on all those people who are genuine at the singles night if he's there and he's not in the same boat as everyone else! I'd be so pissed off if I was there and talking to him and I'd probably imagine he thought it was all a big joke]

Riskymove

Why doesn't OP go too for the craic??:D


seems like an easy solution

LadyJ

To be honest, the whole speed dating thing probably isn't much different from going out on a Friday night! People come up, chat to you for a bit and then you say you're in a relationship and they move along swiftly.

However, I have to say, although I trust my boyfriend completely, I don't think I'd like the idea of him going out specifically to chat to other women and I'm sure he could understand why!

Might be a laugh if he goes though. You can have a giggle about it afterwards.

Seoige

I reckon if I told him he couldn't go he'd make a point of going!!! I'd probably do the same! But I explained to him that it'd make me uncomfortable and anxious and he didn't seem to get it so I'm stuck. Maybe they won't get round to doing it! Anyway, wouldn't people get annoyed if someone was at a speed dating thing and they weren't actually available??

biko

Riskymove wrote: »

Why doesn't OP go too for the craic??:D

She could fit him with a wire and listen in

OT. He shouldn't say that he's taken, better that he just doesn't pursue anyone.

chuckles30

He's the sort of person that makes a mess of speed dating nights for people who are genuinely hoping to meet someone & he could also deprive another single person of a ticket. He shouldn't be there....those events are for single people!!! I was at one of those nights earlier this year and only about half of the men were genuinely interested in being there, the rest were only making up the numbers.

Silverfish

LadyJ wrote: »

To be honest, the whole speed dating thing probably isn't much different from going out on a Friday night! People come up, chat to you for a bit and then you say you're in a relationship and they move along swiftly.

In the OP, she said he was going to tell them he was single. That's the bit I'd take issue with.

I wouldn't be on for anyone I was going out with saying they were single, especially when the word 'Dating' is involved.

DublinWriter

Seoige wrote: »

I know he's not going to run away with someone else but am I wrong to not be ok with it? Thanks

No, you're perfectly right not to be ok with it.

It's one thing for him to go along and hang around in the background to give his mate a bit of encouragement.

It's another thing completely for him to take part in the actual interviewing stage with real, live wimmins.

On the flip side, he did tell you his intentions, so I guess if he was plotting something that he would have been a little more devious about it.

Why not say to him that you're going to give it a try yourself and see what his reaction is.

MugMugs

DublinWriter wrote: »

No, you're perfectly right not to be ok with it.

It's one thing for him to go along and hang around in the background to give his mate a bit of encouragement.

It's another thing completely for him to take part in the actual interviewing stage with real, live wimmins.

On the flip side, he did tell you his intentions, so I guess if he was plotting something that he would have been a little more devious about it.

Why not say to him that you're going to give it a try yourself and see what his reaction is.

If your BF was going to cheat on you then he wouldnt need to go Speed Dating to do it and would not tell you about it either !

For way too long I was in a relationship where I did not have 100% trust in my partner but convinced myself it was all ok.... It wasnt !

I now trust my current GF 110% and the day I doubt her is the day I leave her...

Caryatnid

Agree with Beruthiel - If I was single and going to speed-dating, I don't think I'd like a guy in a relationship to be
a) leading me on
or
b) wasting my time.

However if you don't care about that then I defo agree with that. Sure it's not like it's a 'boys only event'.

Riskymove wrote: »

Why doesn't OP go too

Seoige

Silverfish wrote: »

In the OP, she said he was going to tell them he was single. That's the bit I'd take issue with.

No he said he'd say he's in a relationship. Maybe I should trust him more, I'd love to be as confident as he seems to be, he said it wouldn't bother him at all if I went to something similar but to be honest, I wouldn't feel comfortable about it.

If he let me know he was unfomfortable with something I was planning on doing I'd listen to him! I love him, and making him upset wouldn't be worth it.

PeakOutput

i actually went speed dating their last week with a few people from my house and course it was a great laugh. one of the lads that came was attached and his girlfriend had actually gone speed dating herself in a different college the week before.

if you trust him then whats the problem? hes only going to be talking to them for 3 mins.

also there were quite a few attached girls there too so it defo seems to be somewhat normal for people with other halves to go for a laugh. i wouldnt be worried about it tbh

Lux23

Why don't you go along yourself? There were a few couples there myself when I went a few years ago, its really a crappy way of trying to meet peeople so really I wouldn't worry too much about him.

syklops

i think attached people going is making a mockery of the entire speed dating idea. I have never been speed dating, but I think people resort to it, when they have tried other things to meet people. If he goes along and tells 10 women 1 after the other he is attached, are you not afraid he will be lynched?

Also, I always feel I get a better 'reaction' from women when Im in a relationship. I think its that if Im talking to a woman, while im in a relationship, I am relaxed, I am not staring at her chest, and I am not saying things to get in her pants, as Im going home after. Meanwhile she is thinking "I have met a real guy who is not staring at my chest and trying to get into my pants!". While in my current relationship I have had to mention my GF early in the conversation to get the message across. I know you trust him, but either women will be throwing themselves at the guy who makes coherent sentences, or they will lynch him for wasting their time.

Let him go to prop up the bar, or get another friend to go.

Dragan

l3LoWnA wrote: »

Personally I would not be ok with it! Loyal to his friend and you or not, there will be countless amounts of single ladies there trying to score your man! Regardless of how much you trust him, I would not be ok sending my boyfriend into the mart like that - even if he IS going to explain he's not available!

Quite frankly there are scores of single girls everywhere.....i imagine you have been approached a few times when you are out without your fella.

Does this mean you should not go out at all?

OP, doesn't seem to be a major issue here once you trust him.

Seoige

Thanks for all the advice/opinions I'll wait and see what happens, and in the meantime work on getting rid of my insecurities! A topic for another post entirely...:o!

l3LoWnA

Dragan wrote: »

Quite frankly there are scores of single girls everywhere.....i imagine you have been approached a few times when you are out without your fella.

Does this mean you should not go out at all?

OP, doesn't seem to be a major issue here once you trust him.

Yes, you are right, there are single people male and female on the look-out to score everywhere you go, so there's a chance of any of us attached or single being chatted up at any time.

My point is, though, that this is a "singles" night it's called "speed DATING" for crying out loud - each and every single lady who is there is looking for someone to date and is going to be trying to score her fella or at the very least chat him up if he tickles their fancy/doesn't tell them he's attached/they don't care about him being attached. They are there to take part in speed dating, so they are there to chat to guys with a view of something more....not MIGHT chat him up - WILL chat him up! And personally, I would not be comfortable with this, and I don't believe that's an insecurity....I just wouldn't like the thoughts of my boyfriend going into a situation where every lady in the house was single and looking and on first viewing was presuming my guy was in the same boat!

I'm not saying that I wouldn't trust him enough. It's just that I wouldn't like him being chatted up by all those women...I wouldn't like it one bit and that's my own opinion, from a personal point of view.

It's completely different to an average night on the town were there's a chance of him getting chatted/eyed up in a pub/club - he's not advertising himself in the same way as he is by waltzing into a speed dating situation.

As I've said before, hell would freeze over before any boyfriend of mine would be let go to a speed dating night!

Manic Moran

Well, the 'wingman' concept has been around for lads for donkey's years. His buddy is certainly going to need company for everything except for the speed-dating bit itself, and frankly, he might also like a second opinion on some of the lasses. After all, there's only so much you can figure out in ten minutes (Or however long).

"What did you think of yer wan in the yellow top? I liked her!"
"Well, did you notice that she was wearing an IRA pin?" (Or whatever bizarre thing is an automatic killer, religion, political view, whatever)
"Oh.. no. OK, I'll put the lass in red for top choice then" (Or however those things work, I've never partaken)

This is valuable extra information that your lad might not be able to provide if he just sits at the bar with a pint for the hour and a half that the dating goes on for. You see: There could be practical reasons for it, not just moral support.

NTM