She's always on my mind

LegacyUser

ok, so my girlfriend of a year decided she wanted to be on her own, she's been suffering with depression for over 6 months, she said she's constantly angry and it's not fair on me. She told me one evening a good few weeks ago that she needed to be on her own to get her head right. The worst thing is that everything has been fine all week, she seemed really close to me. Anyway I was really upset cos I felt helpless but thought if that's what she needs to be happy again then fine, I suggested we just take a temporary break, cos she did genuinely still care and I was the man she wanted (but just not right now)

So she called me and texted me to see if I was ok over the next couple of weeks. Then she stopped calling, doesnt answer her phone, reply to texts, this has been for 4 weeks. Now I text her all the time telling her how much I love her and hope she's doing better. I do realize how desperate I seem and am annoyed at that but the truth is, she's the only person I want to be with. We never got "closure", i.e. a good reason for splitting up, it was never said that we were finished, she didnt really want me to see anyone else and I felt likewise. However I'm not stupid and am starting to get the message, but the problem is I cant go two minutes without thinking about her. I don't have the will power to stop texting her telling her how I feel but on the one hand I somehow think that she likes getting the messages but is just taking a break from me so she can get her head right. Most of the time I just text her saying hope you'd a nice day and then a simple good night text

I feel like such a loser, I'm 26 with a v good job, my own place and plenty of friends but this is devastating. As bad as she is making me feel by ignoring me I still love her and would get back with her in a second, but this is unrealistic, I get angry at this, at myself for being such a sucker. I was out on Friday night and chatted and flirted with girls but couldnt bring myself to bringing it any further, she was always there right in my mind

how do I get over her? (I actually dont want to cos she hasnt physically told me its over.) If it's not to be I'd still like to think we could be friends, she the only person I've ever been in love with, we shared so many good times, she was the most important person in my life for the last year.how do I get her to clarify what the situation is?

please help

babyguinnessfan

Hi there,

I think I might know how your girlfriend feels. I have also been depressed for a while now. There are periods when I feel absolutely fine and then a whammo of a fog comes down and I feel absolutely awful. During these bad times I sometimes have a kneejerk reaction of wanting to be alone, simply because I feel so bad that I prefer to deal with things on my own until I start to feel better again.

During my last 'attack' - for the want of a better word - I also told my boyfriend that maybe it would be better if we didn't see each other for a while because I wanted to get some stuff sorted in my head. I told him, like your girlfriend told you, that it wasn't fair on him, that I was afraid that my aggressiveness and moodiness and general lack of energy and incapability of going out and doing anything would bring him down too. He was having none of it. He said that he wasn't going anywhere and almost dragged me out of the bed to get out and get some air! And I love him to bits for it. He actively helped me to do something about myself that day and after going for a long drive with him I felt a lot better.

I suppose what I am saying is - maybe your girlfriend thinks that she is doing you and herself a favour in the long run by giving you up. I know that when things are very bleak I think "he is probably going to break up with me anyway - why stay with me when he could be going out with someone who is fun-loving, normal etc. etc.". Believe me - this is the way your brain works when you are depressed. You just cannot think rationally at times. But the fact that my bf refused to give up helped me so so much.

Maybe you could go and see your girlfriend and explain face to face that if this is what she really wants, fine, but tell her how you feel about her and tell her that you will actively help her to get better, that you can both do it together and that some day she will beat the depression. I know that it's working for me at the moment because I know that I have the utmost support from my boyfriend and that if I have a meltdown it is ok and it will pass.

I hope that this rambling message has made some sense and that everything works out for you.:)

LegacyUser

Thanks for the reply babyguinness

I was that guy who supported her, asked her to get help, tried to help her beat it and she did appreciate it.

The problem is now I think she is my ex-girlfriend, no contact in 4 weeks, she won't answer phone or texts or meet up. She knows how I feel about her, I don't know what I'm supposed to do. She hasn't told me that we're finished or told me to stop contacting her.

My problem is that I cant get her out of mind, I'm not exaggerating when I say I think about her every couple of minutes, I get sad, I get angry, I feel desperate, I look at her photo and it makes me smile and then I realise how much I miss her. This is an unrealistic way of living, how do I get my head clear? I've done all I can plus more, she won't talk to me now and this is devastating

LegacyUser

When you wanted your break did you think at all about getting back with him or were you happy to let him wander free? It's not fair on a guy as much as he cares to leave him hanging on waiting. Just wondering because I got treated like sh!te and put up with it, but only after a long time did I realise she wasn't taking me back. I feel for you verysad, it's not easy, it's very hard to tell someone to move on when they don't want to

stringy

This is what you were looking for.

Popinjay

A friend of mine went through something very similar with his girlfriend around about last autumn. She was in regular counselling and couldn't hack seeing him while a lot of stuff was being dragged up.

Eventually the counselling did it's job and they're still together and very very happy together.

It might work out for the two of you but then again it might not. I'd continue in your support for her at the moment but maybe not so frequent. If her head is in a mess that might just make it worse by piling guilt about hurting you or whatever on top of everything else.

Give it time to see what the outcome is. Don't go counting yourself single just yet. If really feel that much for this girl, what's a month or two to help her out.

Don't feel like a loser for trying to support someone else who's having a shitty time of it.