Oral Sex - something about it i cant get my head around

LegacyUser

Been going out with my girl friend for some time now.

She's let me know she enjoys oral sex and that she would like to try it some time.

For what ever reason i havent quite come to terms with the whole oral sex thing. It's strange to explain but i'll try.

One the one hand i'm it's nice and im missing out. looking at porn online or in vids i can say yeah i'd like to try it out.

But on the other hand there's just something about having my head down between her legs and touching her with my mouth that i can't get my head around. I quite like touching her with my finger i really dont mind it. Maybe because it's not the neatest of all packages that im being put of???

I'm not sure ive worded this the right way, doing my best not to be to blunt.

What kind of advice do people have? How should i go about wanting to do this? to get rid of this mental block i have.

uoluol

Does she give you oral sex? If so, it's all about give and take.

Why don't you try it..... you might even enjoy it.

Be a man...suck it up...etc

The Queen

Well, if it's because it's not neat, ask her to tidy it up a bit! Doesn't mean it all has to go though! Just a trim...
Does she perform oral on you? Because as uoluol said, it is about give and take!

ACW

Sex really shouldn't be a thing of tit for tat (oh dear lord, please no one take that as a pun), but fairness should apply. In my experiance talking to a woman about her hygen/appearence between her legs, though a harrowing and daunting task to undertake, is usually worth it.

In the intrum, just use your fingers to keep it out of the way and remember the pleasure you can bring her. Don't think about it too much, and realise there is so much you can learn at such proximity that will enable you to be better at every other physical interaction.

Marksie

What, precisely do you find uncomfortable about it OP? if we can determine that we can maybe get you over the issue

Oral sex, or as i prefer the term, mouth magic is a very delicious and intimate aspect of lovemaking.

It can take many forms not just the very poor facsimilie you see in porn, which really isnt the best anyway, in fact i would say that it gives the totally wrong impression.
It can be simple genital kissing and explloration of the whole area not the dive for the clitoris and the heavy use of tongue that you see.

One thing, explain to your g/friend that you would like to and it makes you uncomfortable as its something you havent known before.

You say you like fingering her, but have you actually ever seen her genitals? juts simply looked closely at the way they are, their shape.
One suggestion i have, is to take time to look at hem very closely. When using manual stimulation actually get really close and in addition to feeling them look at them and get an idea of the musk odour, which is highly arousing.
To help you can ask her to pull back the skin on the mons pubis and open up the whole hgenital area
In doing so you will be overcoming your fear off having your head close and also begin to appreciate them more.
If its the taste, try licking your finger.
Work up to this, dont juts head straight for it, try kissing around the whole area, the thighs kiss the vagina itself and get a general feel for what its like., justs begin to experienece it gently.
If you talk to her, she will understand that you are going to do this for her and will be more than happy to help you.
Remembr get used to the idea not by going for it, but by leading yourself into it.

At the moment it is no use talking to you about all the techniquees involved, you have to overcome your resistance

Edit: for those saying just do it etc "be a man". Remember this issue can affect both sexes equally. A man concerned about oral sex should not be given different advice than a woman. In this instance the OP is an individual who wants to overcome his own resistance for the benefit of his partner. The assumption that as a man he should automatically know is incorrect and leads to many problems in the bedroom

Aseth

IMHO you shouldn't do things you don't enjoy. In many women magazines you can read advices not to perform that kind of sex you don't agree to. Don't understand why it shouldn't apply to men? If you don't feel like it tell her honestly. If there's sth thats stoping you - talk to your gf about it.

kathandkim

I agree that you shouldn't do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, but by the tone of yoour text is sounds to me as though you are toying with the idea of trying it?

If so, your best bet is to use your fingers to brush aside anything getting in the way, and concentrate on her clit as you may find that you are worrying about what she'll taste like etc and this will introduce you without getting right in there so to speak!!

If hygene is an issue, suggest a sexy shower for two. It's a minefield bringing that subject to the table!!

Otherwise, if you truely don't want to go there, just be honest and tell her it doesn't float your boat!

Good luck!

AngryBadger

A major reason guys don't like performing oral sex on women is because as the OP stated, it's sometime not the nicest of palces to be. Granted men can be pretty bad as well, but I don't think it remotely compares to a womans private region if she's been quite active and not washed recently.

To the OP, if this is a major part of your problem then I'd suggest bathing together, this is a good idea for two main reasons,

1) Obviously if you're in the bah/shower together, well then there's no need for her not to be as fresh and clean as is humanly possible, which removes one of your major obstacles.

2) Even if you're still not crazy about oral play you've introduced the bathing together and that alone allows you both to mes aorund in other ways, in a new (sexier!) environment. So even if she's dissappointed that you don't want to pleasure her orally, you're in a position to try other thigns which can leave her similarly satisfied.

Marksie

kathandkim wrote: »

and concentrate on her clit

i wouldn't agree with that Kathy. Wew have no idea how sensitive she is and the OP relative inexperience may mean he approaches to hard and fast around that area.

Better to ease into getting use to the genital area and explore all the other eropgenous zones present. Move gently into it and be guided by what she says. if she does jump a foot when the clitoris is stimulated, dont panic, moive away. Also talk to her before hand, she will be a better guide to what is right for her.
Also be aware of her sounds and movements.
If she begins to express, then do EXACTLY what you are doing, dont vary it. if she is melting into it then you have it right

kowloon

Get in there like a welsh coal miner, you'll feel much better after a bit of hard work, real mens work, you can treat yourself to a pastie afterwards

Seriously, just feckin' do it, afterwards you'll wonder why it was such a big deal.

But go slow FFS! Take your time and dont go straight for the button, she could be very sensitive down there; a direct approach could end up with you in pain

Loopy

randome name wrote: »

looking at porn online or in vids i can say yeah i'd like to try it out.

Why not suggest watching a porno together? (After your bath together) You may both get so turned on that it would prob be a good time to try it out....

If you do though try not emulate any of those male 'actors'..Most of them look like there licking an ice cream...Slow and sensual and you can't really go wrong...

the_syco

OP, get her to shave it with a number 2 or so (or maybe pay for it to be waxed). and have a go during/after a shower.

Oh, and I know it sounds ick, but it's meant to taste better if it's not washed. Clean, yes, but just not washed.

El_mariachi

Moonbaby wrote: »

Be a man...suck it up...etc

Amen, go with that!

SingingCherry

Look, if you were a girl I would tell you not to do anything you're not comfortable with. This is no different. You don't want to do it and that's fine. You might want to think about WHY you are so uncomforable but never do anything you don't want to do. It won't be good for either of you that way.

Also, personally if my husband told me to "tidy up down there" he wouldn't get the chance to ever do anything to me, because I'd completely shut him out. Sorry, but that's an extremely personal thing to say to someone and I can't imagine someone not taking offense.

the_syco

OP, sorry for going off topic, but...

SingingCherry wrote: »

Also, personally if my husband told me to "tidy up down there" he wouldn't get the chance to ever do anything to me, because I'd completely shut him out. Sorry, but that's an extremely personal thing to say to someone and I can't imagine someone not taking offense.

Would you prefer he never mentions why he never goes down on you, or would you mind something said (maybe not so blunt)?

Or would you take it for granted that he's not going down on you as he finds down there repulsive?

arybvtcw0eolkf

The Queen wrote: »

Well, if it's because it's not neat, ask her to tidy it up a bit! Doesn't mean it all has to go though! Just a trim...
Does she perform oral on you? Because as uoluol said, it is about give and take!

As a man of the world I can't really say it better than this chap.

A quick trim of the ol' pubes, a shower. You in a state of arousal and your good to go.

But one thing, if she trims and showers, don't expect her to take a mouthful of you without you at least showering!.

Oral is fantastic. When you learn to give it correct there's nothing like bringing a chic off with oral.

Froot

Give it a go...<snip>edited</snip>

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the advice.

All the posts stating just go for it very help full, has really helped me . She has performed oral on me on a few occasions. I know it shouldn't be titfortat (mentioned) but i still feel like i should be returning the favour.

Marksie: Thanks for the advice.
I'll quote myself to answer 1 of your questions

Maybe because it's not the neatest of all packages that im being put of???

Pubic hair isn't really a issue, she well groomed, i think it's more her genital (hope that the right word) area.

We've talked about it, she knows im not quite comfortable to do it. Haven't put it down to anything thou with her. She ok with it, maybe a little disappointed. More recently she let me know she wouldn't let me get down on her even if it was my choice.

We can't bath together, only have showers and they are quite tight - to much so to nearly not being able to move.

Thinking about it i have only really her vaginal area in a more casual way, not while having sex or up close.

Marksie

randome name wrote: »

shouldn't be titfortat (mentioned) but i still feel like i should be returning the favour.

True you shouldn't feel obliged, but it should happen because you want to do it.

randome name wrote: »

I'll quote myself to answer 1 of your questions
"Maybe because it's not the neatest of all packages that im being put of??? "

Woody Allen was asked once if he thought sex was dirty. He replied "only if done right"
What you are doing Involves everything that is naturally produced by someone. try to remember that

randome name wrote: »

Pubic hair isn't really a issue, she well groomed, i think it's more her genital (hope that the right word) area.

Unfamiliarity? OK I will answer that one below

randome name wrote: »

More recently she let me know she wouldn't let me get down on her even if it was my choice.

Why?

randome name wrote: »

We can't bath together, only have showers and they are quite tight - to much so to nearly not being able to move.
Thinking about it i have only really her vaginal area in a more casual way, not while having sex or up close.

Thats ok, if you both shower separately no problem. There are other ways of getting up close.
Have you ever given her a back massage?
Well exetned it to the whole body, she can relax and then you can begin to explore. Start as normal with the back and work all the way down to the toes doing each one in turn, and the soles of the feet.
Turn her over and do the same with the front all the way down to the toes. As she drifts juts take the time to lok and explore, massaging the inner thighs will help as she will naturally open her legs.
Of you feel more confident you can give a genital massage, it can be as complex or as simple as you want it to be. But its rather nice to start by putting your left hand over the pubic bone with the fingers running down then allowing the oild to run between them. You can use gentle upward pulling strokes on the whole area. Whihc will accustom you to the feel, then you can gently explore her outer and inner lips (by gently taking them in two fingers of one hand and with the thuimb and forefingers of the other gently stroking downwards repeatedly) and her opening and clitoral and surrounding area. you are not intending to give her an iorgasm, but it will feel very pleasant for her and for you you wilkl begin to connect to that part of her. If you are not comfortable still with oral juts kiss the area to get used to it. if you are, then move into it slowly. At this point it is extremely unlikely that she will be able to say no. Thatas a baic one, there is much more you can do and its up to you two to explore that, but dont rush it, overall about an hour or so.

daniel3982

Different strokes for different folks, but while theyre hardly pretty (and let's face it men's arent either), does the thought of it not turn you on at all? I love the thought of it, and doing it, infact if I'm ever wavering down bellow and need to bring myself back up to attention, it's the easiest way to get there!

Or am I misunderstanding and this particular girl is just unclean?

gcgirl

baby wipes are great truely ! and being shaved is even better !! oral sex is brill both giving and receiving ! just see what happens just suggest some stuff like shaving it wil make thing bearable!

LegacyUser

daniel3982 wrote: »

Different strokes for different folks, but while theyre hardly pretty (and let's face it men's aren't either), does the thought of it not turn you on at all?....

Or am I misunderstanding and this particular girl is just unclean?

It's not that she's dirty, she inst by a long shot as far as i can tell. And, yes, it does actually turn me on. I think about it that im sure it's nice and id like to try it, but then when i would have to opportunity i get that idea in my head stopping me.

Why she wouldn't let me if i did get around to doing it, i'm not sure really. She has told me she would like it, i don't think she would stop me if i did. Could be she feels im doing it against my own will, to please her?

fits

I love Marksies posts... *sighs*

OP, do those things and you cant go wrong.... even reading about it is great

Aura

fits wrote: »

I love Marksies posts... *sighs*

OP, do those things and you cant go wrong.... even reading about it is great

Completely!

spinandscribble

she probably felt by telling you she wouldnt let you do it, you'd fel less pressure and maybe you make her feel embarassed for even asking for it in the first place.
if you've never done it i dont think you can judge it yet. if your gfs after a good shower she wont taste/smell at all. start off gentle.

l3LoWnA

randome name wrote: »

Pubic hair isn't really a issue, she well groomed, i think it's more her genital (hope that the right word) area.

I don't understand this.... do you find all female genitals in general ugly? Are you comparing hers to that of the porn-stars you've watched in the past? If you are, stop!! Do you think your cock is the most beautiful and edible and delicious thing ever put on the earth? Sorry, I shouldn't ask that, you're a man so I already know the answer :rolleyes: What I'm trying to say is, when I've given oral pleasure to a man, I can't say I'd be thinking about his willy all day (the same way I might crave a magnum or icecream mars!) and dying to get my tongue/mouth down there because it's th sexiest most gorgeous and tasty thing I've ever seen!!! :rolleyes: My pleasure is in the fact that I am pleasing my partner.....I don't have to love the taste/feel of his parts in my mouth, on my tongue......but I do enjoy and get aroused by the fact that he's enjoying it so much (if you get me!)

Can't really add much to the advice above only to say that you should give it a go eventually, build up to it.....take marksies advice because, as a lady I must say, it's damn good advice!!!!!! When I think back to previous relationships the one I miss most (sexually) is the very one who absolutely LOVED oral sex (giving - he wasn't into receiving much ) He was an expert and genuinely had a passion for it, which you may develop, but you can only get to that stage with practice!

Go for it, gently, you can guage her reactions, and you should be able to decipher what she is enjoying or what she is not. Grab her the next time she's just had a shower, move to the bedroom and GO FOR IT!!! :D:D

l3LoWnA

Aura wrote: »

Completely!

Absolutely completely!!! :D

Beetlebum

Marksie - will u marry me?

Dizzyblonde

Beetlebum wrote: »

Marksie - will u marry me?

I think we need to send our men to Marksie for a few lessons

Marksie

*ahem* Thanks for your comments. Sorry, beetlbum I am not the marrying kind but thanks anyways

Keep it on topic, please.

Oh and F365 forum members, we are aware you are prowling PI again and that this thread is one you are reading.

LegacyUser

l3LoWnA wrote: »

I can't say I'd be thinking about his willy all day (the same way I might crave a magnum or icecream mars!) and dying to get my tongue/mouth down there because it's th sexiest most gorgeous and tasty thing I've ever seen!!! :rolleyes: My pleasure is in the fact that I am pleasing my partner.....I don't have to love the taste/feel of his parts in my mouth, on my tongue......but I do enjoy and get aroused by the fact that he's enjoying it so much (if you get me!)

I have to say that (as a woman) the more I've given oral to my partner, the more I enjoy it for myself as well. Its now one of my favourite things actually.

Take it easy on yourself OP, and take it slowly, as Marksie has written so well.

kowloon

what are F365 forum members?

ILTS

Dizzyblonde wrote: »

I think we need to send our men to Marksie for a few lessons

Never mind your men, I'd like a few lessons from him myself!

Gordon

When's the next boards beers?

cson

May I suggest numero 69. Although it can be hard to concentrate at times

Nevyn

what are F365 forum members?

Trolls with sneeritis.

Next beers will be the xmas beers, keep an eye on the events forum.

Back on topic.

Talliesin

The first thing I'll say is that you absolutely do not have to do anything you don't want to do.

There are two parts to that. The most obvious is that of your basic right to not engage in any sexual act you are uncomfortable with, but the other is that feeling under pressure generally makes any exploration a lot more daunting.

randome name wrote: »

Maybe because it's not the neatest of all packages that im being put of???

There's little point trying to persuade you right away that the vulva is a beautiful thing, but think about the irrationality of saying it isn't "neat". When you take a look at one NSFW you can see how it's actually an extremely neat package indeed.

Forget about the aesthetics and how pretty or not you may find it for now, and just look at how neat it is - A place for everything and everything in it's place. Evolution tends towards some pretty neat designs

Colouration can of course be very different and there's a great range of appearances from woman to woman particularly in terms of the size of the labia, but in all cases the basic very neat package is still a very neat package.

If you can see that, it's still a bit of a jump to go to being able to see the beauty that's there. You aren't likely to start writing essay's about the place of the vagina in prehistoric art in the style of Tom Robbins after looking at a wikimedia diagram, but it may be a start (Tom Robbins' many, oh so many, pieces of writing about vaginas might not be the worse second step either - poetry conveys some things better than prose like this). Try to simply appreciate the neatness rather than forcing you to see it as pretty right away.

Great appreciation comes through small appreciation. It builds and just like actively appreciating food or wine or art or music you can start by going "well, I don't really get most of this, but I kinda like this bit" and by indulging that small pleasure grow in appreciation until you are a connoisseur.

And of course, the rest of the body is always there.

There are three reasons for wanting to give a woman oral sex.

One is purely selfless - for her enjoyment, another is for indirectly selfish - the ego boost that giving her such enjoyment can give you, and the other is purely selfish - enjoyment of it in itself.

Of course, those three things bleed into each other to such an extent that you can't really separate them out like that, but for now I think you should concentrate on the selfish enjoyment of it as much as you can, because that's the area where you have pressing difficulties.

The easiest thing to talk about in a forum like this is technique. I've done so quite a bit before and now I just [post=52297817]link to what I've said before[/post] rather than keep repeating myself, but much harder to talk about what actually encourages us to want to do it in the first place.

So start easy. Taste your fingers after you've had digital sex and get used to the taste, it doesn't taste as nice as directly, but you'll know it's nothing to fear. Lick around her thighs and then take a tentative lick towards or on the genital area once you are both feeling more relaxed about it. Don't rush and don't worry if you seem to take two steps backwards for every three steps forward. Sanskrit odes to the beauty of the yoni can come later

Patience with yourself will most likely lead to much faster acceptance than if you try to become a tongue-magician in one fell swoop. Be prepared to be crap at it, to be timid and to be half-hearted and you won't feel knocked back if it either doesn't do much for her, or if you find yourself wanting to stop sooner than you would like.

Try to be "perfect" and you will inevitably fail - because nobody's perfect - and then that failure will come as a blow.

If you're prepared to take it slow with yourself you may well find that it isn't any time at all before you're wondering how on earth you ever had a problem with this. Then it's time to really explore what you can do.

Latchy

The giving of oral is just as exciting and pleasureable as the recieving , imo ....:)

WildIrishRose

Im a woman.... but i wouldnt be insulted if my partner spoke to me about his problem.. In fact i used to have a problem it to... well it was the bodily fluids that i didnt like.. i now am over it.

Good look

donutheadhomer

randome name wrote: »

Been going out with my girl friend for some time now.

She's let me know she enjoys oral sex and that she would like to try it some time.

For what ever reason i havent quite come to terms with the whole oral sex thing. It's strange to explain but i'll try.

One the one hand i'm it's nice and im missing out. looking at porn online or in vids i can say yeah i'd like to try it out.

But on the other hand there's just something about having my head down between her legs and touching her with my mouth that i can't get my head around. I quite like touching her with my finger i really dont mind it. Maybe because it's not the neatest of all packages that im being put of???

I'm not sure ive worded this the right way, doing my best not to be to blunt.

What kind of advice do people have? How should i go about wanting to do this? to get rid of this mental block i have.

maybe you're just gay

Marksie

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