Lost love

ACW

Its more of a request for ideas than symaphty.

I was lucky enought to have been in head over heels, mad, passionate crazy love, with a wonderful, if somewhat absent mindedly abusive (not showing up for things, making me travel to her and never recipracting, intentionally making me think she was cheating to see how i'd react) woman for several years.

The relationship ended years ago, because of her behaviour and my lack of patience for it. I've done everything, other relationships, meditation, therapy, moving abroad, drinks, even tried some drugs to attempt to move past my feelings for her.

Am afraid maybe we were ment to be together but due to my foolishness or some mistake i made, she became complacent (which i saw as cruel) and I've lost her. Because her friends and family disapprove of me because i broke her heart, that we will never be together again. So confused, upset and tired of it all.

But everywhere i go, in every relationship and almost every night when i sleep, she is there (in my mind). I know she loves me, even if I broke her heart. I know i love her, but I want to move on. I want to be able to fall in love with someone else. I've tried everything i can think of. I really don;t want to have the rest of my romantic life dominated by her memory.

So i need advice, on how to move on or how to change my feelings for her. How to get the blasted universe to stop bumping us together on busy streets where I can't talk to her becuase of who she is with. Or who to go to, who'll give the verbal kick up the ass to get over it (i've really tried, i really really have)

Sorry if this seemed rantish, but its been pent up a long while.

GLaDOS

Sounds like she was messing with you, which doesn't strike me as if she cares a lot for you...

dudara

ACW wrote: »

somewhat absent mindedly abusive (not showing up for things, making me travel to her and never recipracting, intentionally making me think she was cheating to see how i'd react) woman for several years.

ACW wrote: »

Because her friends and family disapprove of me because i broke her heart

These are two somewhat contradictory statements. She, apparently, treated you badly and yet you broke her heart. It seems to me that she didn't care that much for you to start with if she treated you like that.

You're as well away from messy relationships full of emotional blackmail

togster

Been there done that. Was head over heels with someone just like your girlfriend i think. It took me 2-3 years to see her for what she really was. I had her on a pedestel for all those years and every relationship i had broke down because i always compared them to this fantasy image i had of my ex.

My advice is simple ... give it time. It might take years but it will happen. You will meet someone else.

That or i could be completely wrong about her and you should try and win her back. Its hard to give strangers advice on somethingas complicated as a relationship that only you and her know the mechanisms of. What do you feel deep down. Your gut instsinct?? IMO its rarely wrong.

Good luck buddy, i can empathise with your situation!!

milkerman

She sounds like a proper bitch.
We often hear about women who stay in abusive relationships and pick up black eyes & broken bones but continue to stay in the abusive relationship.

Maybe you didnt get the bruises, but if a woman is mucking you around & playing mind games you are better off away from her.

Find someone else, time is a great healer.

Overheal

Despite anyone's opinions here of Her or You (shes a Bitch etc etc etc) I think you need to find the girl and talk with her - clearly you have things you need to say to her and get them off your chest. Maybe the reason you cant move on is because you feel that something has been left unsaid; that theres some piece missing... the term Closure springs to the fore.

Tragamin2k2

Keep remembering you broke up with her for a reason. you are blaming yourself but try and realise that it wasnt you that pushed it to and end it was her.if you were ever to get back with her, do you think she would be different or just go back to her old ways? dont torture yourself, move on, time fixes everything.

ACW

Thanks everyone, sorry again about ranting.

Its been 3 years. I really thought I'd be done by now! Damn times moves so quickly in some respects and yet not at all in others.

I never get the oppertunity and don't want to have to resort to "stalkerish" tactics to talk to her. Next time i see her, i'll just not care who she is with and steal her aside for a quick word or to organise a coffee.

Thanks.

lushballs

She treated you like crap! That's not love! You are deluding yourself. Sounds like you need to work on your self esteem/self valuing as a result of the mistreatment you received. Stay away from her. Closure comes from the inside. Suggestion: have a ritual ie write a letter expressing your feelings and then burn it and say goodbye. Good luck!