not sure if this is the right place but....

Atomic Pineapple

dunno if this is the correct place....

I just found out this morning that my father has cancer for the second time in his life and this time theres nothing they can do for him, it was a total shock as just last week the doctors said a scan revealed no cancer and now suddenly its in his bones, pancreas, stomach so its very confusing and a huge shock as we had thought our major fear of cancer was not there.

I took the news pretty bad this moring and have been in bits all day, I feel really low and i cant find the courage to talk to anyone at any length about it and i want to be stronger for my mother, i feel really despaired with life and i have a constant feeling that i want to destroy something.

to make the hatred of life even worse, he was taken from his room in the hospital to have a biopsy and while he was getting it done some low life scum of the earth went into his room and took his mobile phone, how low can people get, its just disgusting.

i just had to get some of that off my chest and any suggestions on how to deal with things would be greatly appreciated

thanks

Donal

GAAman

Jesus man thats terrible and the phone thing talk bout bein kicked while yer down...all i can say is be there for him as much as you can while not bottlin up your own feelings as they will all come out at the worst time

Shewhomustbe...

So so sorry to hear this.
I was about to start a thread to ask (and moan) if anyone else has been sick with this virus doing the rounds but reading yours certainly put my situation into perspective.

You and your family are quite obviously in shock, especially if he'd only been cleared as healthy. You need some time for the news to sink in and then you should enjoy all the time you can with your father.

My deepest condolences, and miracles do happen.

Owen

A deep feeling of anger and helplessness is only natural. What you're about to go through as an individual, and as a family is grueling. But take stock of your life, and spend as much time as you can with your father, and mother. Get to know as much about him as you can, and if you think it's something you'd like in time, get some videos together, and photos.

As someone who's also lost a father, it's certainly not easy, but you've taken the first step ... to talk about it.

Talliesin

draffodx wrote: »

I feel really low and i cant find the courage to talk to anyone at any length about it and i want to be stronger for my mother

Being strong doesn't mean being as immovable as a brick.

draffodx wrote: »

to make the hatred of life even worse, he was taken from his room in the hospital to have a biopsy and while he was getting it done some low life scum of the earth went into his room and took his mobile phone, how low can people get, its just disgusting.

I can think of worse, but that's not the point. Hospitals get robbed simply because they're easy to rob. Don't dwell on it too much if you can help it. Enjoy the time you have left with your dad if you can.

milkerman

Hi Donal,
Really sorry about your Dad's illness. Beating cancer is a hard difficult task, having to face this b*stard of an illness for a second time with a bad prognosis is truly awful.
Screw the total w*nker that stole the phone. But put this in perspective, at least you will have the chance to say goodbye to your Da and he to you. Try to concentrate on making the best use of the time left to your father and not let one second of this time be wasted thinking about some phone thieving sh*t.
When I was 21, my Da got the flu. One Monday morning he didn't feel like getting up because of the usual flu symptoms. I went in to his room for a chat before heading out for the day. We were very close and I often went fishing with him. I asked him if he would like to go out for a few hours when I got back. He started to answer, stopped mid sentence and died in front of me. There were so many things I wanted to tell him, but mainly how lucky I was to be his son. I never got the chance.
I wish you the best at a difficult time.

kowloon

If i remember correctly you're in Dundalk.
I would let the college know; they will work with you if you want to take time off to be with your father.
You could also get counselling through the college, i think it would help given the gravity of the situation.

Heart goes out to you man.

colm_mcm

Take some comfort from the opportunity to talk through all the things you want to say to each other, and the chance to get to know each other better. These situations can really bring people closer.
As someone who's been in this situation, I'd suggest you not be afraid to talk to both your parents openly about it without fear of not appearing in control of the situation and take this time to get to know your dad better.
Really sorry to read this.

Firetrap

So sorry to hear about your dad. Not that it's of any consolation to you just now but the shock will wear off in a while and you will become more pragmatic about it. I know how you feel about wanting to destroy something. My mum's got an incurable progressive illness and things went a bit haywire late one evening a couple of months ago. I lost it a little bit - I wanted to break the furniture in my room but the fear of waking up my housemates put the brakes on that one! In the end, sobbing into my pillow worked. The next morning things were still bad but I felt better able to cope with them.

Don't feel under pressure to be strong for your mother - all that will do is to make you even more tense than you are. Obviously I don't know your mum but I'd imagine she'll find her own way to cope with this awful news.

Make sure nothing's left unsaid between you and your father. Take advantage of the time you've left to do stuff together and try to make your dad as comfortable as possible.

It would be good if you could talk to someone. I know what it's like not to be able to or want to talk to someone about it. Perhaps if you found a good cancer discussion board on the net, that might help.

LouOB

Sorry to hear but glad you are able to share your feelings with all of us. Thank you

Your family must be so happy to have you there at this awlful time. You dont always have to 'act' strong around your loved ones. Sharing your feelings will help them open up to their anger and grief too. Glad you have time to share with your dad and family

AngryBadger

Really sorry to hear that man. I can't tell you how to feel better, but as regards your mam, don't worry about trying to look strong in front of her, jsut be aorund her and be attentive. That's the best way you can give her your support right now. The fact that you'll get her a cuppa when she comes in, or offer to help with whatever little job, or jsut be making an effort to be around for her will mean so much to her.

Honestly that's the best thing you can do for her right now, and hopefully it'll give you a little help too.

And talk to your dad about this. If he sees you trying to deal with this news it'll give him strength as well, I've no doubt he's worried about all of you as much as ye are about him right now.

And fair dews for trying man, it's a tough oul station you're in right now, takes serious moxy to push through. Best of luck.

Atomic Pineapple

thanks for all the comments, they've been really helpfull, i posted in the initial shock of it yesterday, i went to see him in the hospital today and just beening there talking to him about normal things like the soccer felt really good, he's so weak and stuff though it was hard watchin him at times. having to come home and leaving him is a bit emotional though, its like when i'm busy i can get on with things and it doesnt effect me much but when i start thinking about things it really gets me down. stuff like he wont be there when i decide to get married or he wont come out to help me put new brake pads on the car, even little things..

@milkerman, that must be a terrible way to watch your father pass away, it makes me apprecciate that i atleast have time to let my father know i love him and i wouldnt have wanted any other father in the world

@kowloon, yeh i emailed the college and told them i'd be off all this week and they said not to worry about projects or work and if i needed anything just to ask, they were very nice and helpfull

thanks again for all the comments and talking about it has really helped

highlydebased

draffodx...sorry to hear about your Dad dude.

Cancer sux. My own mam had it for many years. Only by the grace of God is she still with us...


You've done the right thing by talking about it. It takes incredible courage to do so...
Be there for your Dad, no doubt he'll appriciate it


Screw the dude who took the phone.............

LegacyUser

Daff I'm in a very similar circumstance myself at the moment with my Dad, thanks for posting man, means a lot to me to know there are others out there suffering the same things, the uncertainty of timing, etc. etc.
It's just very weird, I've known for about 6 weeks now and I'm still coming to terms with everything, the future looks ok but only in the medium term at best, my Dad is dieing, of that we are sure.
I'm just gonna try to spend as much quality time with him and the rest of my family as I can and just be the best son that I can be for him, show him how proud of him I am and that we will all miss him terribly when he is gone, although this part he knows..

Try to be as positive as you can with him and tell him you love him every day, you've only got one Dad.
My thoughts are with you man, hang in there, there's more than just you and me in a similar situation.

Had to go unreg as nobody knows about it.

Atomic Pineapple

very sorry to hear about your dad too, its not a nice time and seeing my father so weak and so sick is pretty hard as he was always really strong, I cant explain how helpfull this thread has been, was really good to just get it off my chest and all the kind comments have really helped.

have let the phone thing go completely now, it was annoying when it happened because we had just heard the news and i was so angry that it just added to it but it could have happened anywhere.

LegacyUser

so sorry to hear about it
You know, i know it might seem a bit optimistic but consider asking for a second opinion elsewhere. I had a similar situation with a family member and one day one doctor told us similar news, this is it, hes ogt six months, we were destroyed, but then we got a second opinion and i still have this person with us.
So it is worth it to check it out. remeber that woman that was told she had cancer and went cycling around the world , etc well hope gives you laods, so be strong for all and dont loose it I know it s terribly hard to do but it helps everyone.
best of luck and dont hesitate to come here for help, its good to talk about this things