'Me Time'

LegacyUser

Hi guys...any opinions on this would be greatly appreciated..

Guess ill start from the beginning...

Ive been goin out with my gf for about a year and a half...Few months back i screwed up big time,but we got back togethor and everything seemed fine(just to get that out of the way).

Now upto halloween weekend....i didnt venture out that weekend as i was feeling poorly,so the gf went out with her work crowd...grand,she called me,said shed come back to mine after,i said ya thats cool...so she did come back drunk bout 3am...next day she said she felt bad as she had been a bit flirty when she was out,especially with one guy she worked with,but shes a flirty girl it didnt bother me...anyway she went out again sat/sun and had a fun weekend...

fast forward to this weekend just gone.......again she went out with her work crowd..and again said she wud come back to mine...i woke up around 5am...no text or call,was worried as i didnt know who she was out with or where..could not get through to her till 1pm on sat..she said she stayed at her friends as not to have her go home on her own...and that she was to drunk to ring/text(which never happened before) and she was sorry...

then on saturday she said she wanted to call around chat...so she came round and said she needed some 'me time' as her head was confused i asked why and she said a number of reasons
1)i dont make enough of an effort with her friends........now this is true i guess,and i said no problem ill make more of an effort
2)she said shes over the fact i screwed up but felt it would always 'be there'
3)the fact im thinking of travelling next year.....she said she doesnt have the desire to...to be honest ive been thinking of it a while,and am not truely bothered,my relationship is more important to me
4)(MAIN one i guess) She thinks she fancies this guy in work...and that its not right she thinks somethin like that...She said to me he asked her home to his place the fri night in question,but she said no..i do believe her but its a little odd the very next day she comes to me saying she needs 'me time'.
5)she said the 'umph' that was once there is not so much there anymore,but as i said,a year and a half in that obviously diminishes a little...



She said that the last 2 weekends, she had soo much fun that she forgot what it feels like to be out having fun...ive never stopped the girl going out,infact always encouraged it(beginning to regret that now)

Im truely sorry about ever screwing up,and i love this girl to bits, but my head is just wrecked...i know all i can do is give her the time/space she needs but its just so hard...
what makes it worse is..im still getting texts various times in the day...mostly normal ones..but a few...'i miss yous' and the like...and im the same back....its as if she really doesnt know what she wants.....i dont think shes playing games,rather genuinly confused...the feeling is just awful tho, its like this burning sensation all over whn i think about it..

i dont want to not contact her for fear shell move on...yet i dont want to over do it for fear of crowding/pressuring her...

Any ideas would be muchly appreciated guys.....

...i think ive covered most stuff...

Nerin

that is a tricky one, id say a safe bet is to reply to her every second message(if shes sendin u lots)if its the odd here n there wait ten mins or something.
its true,ur mistake will hang in her head (been there,foolishly did that) but if u give her no reason to worry it should stay at the back of her mind.
my first instinct bout the work guy is drop him like a ton of bricks(dont!!!!!!!)
just wen ur talkin to her try n be very attentive to wat shes sayin n look for hints as to were shes going wit this me time.
usually wen i guy wants some me time he wants the "we were on a break!!!" defence,dont worry,i dont think thats wat shes at,she sounds nice, but i will be honest,brace urself,but not so much as that ur paranoid n freakin out.
if things dont pan out,go travelling!!if they do, u prob should still go!

pookie82

Firstly, I know this sounds harsh but are you sure that she hasn't already been with this guy?? Sounds to me like the night she went awol until one the next day and said that she stayed with a friend he was probably involved.
I think that the most important reason for her wanting the "me time" is this other guy. All of the other stuff you could work through - the effort with her friends, to which you've already agreed, the problem with your screw up which she's halfway to getting over and the travelling thing which you're not that interested in anyway. These sound to me like a litany of excuses to cloak the main one - she fancies someone else. It's good that she's honest about it but if I were you I really wouldn't wait around for this girl to pick and choose as you agonise over it and hang on just in case she'll come back. If this indecision carries on for another week I'd tell her that you want a "chat", that you're not goin to wait indefinitely to see if she'll pick this other guy, and get her to come clean about whether or not something already happened.
I know this will be tough and you don't want to lose her etc but I would NEVER tell my boyfriend I wanted some time to myself as I liked another guy and mess with his head with "I miss you" messages while he hangs around for a resolution. It's just plain cruel. If she really loves you she'll make up her mind soon, and if she doesn't, push her to do so. She'll have alot more respect for you if you tell her to make up her mind than if you wait around quietly while she could be out messing around with this other guy. People don't have the right to make others wait around on their indecision when there are genuine feelings involved. I think you should suggest a clean break, which will either frighten her into getting back with you properly, or give you the answer that you need - she wants to be with someone else. Let her see how green the grass is on the other side. Sometimes this length in a relationship makes people take for granted all that they have and long for some excitment back - well, let her have it. I guarantee you she'll come back. And if she doesn't, she's not worth your time.
Whatever you do, don't wait around forever for this girl to do as she pleases behind your back. Put your foot down and be firm about not being played. To be honest though, attraction to other people is usually the death knell of alot of relationships unless it's just a reaction to her current boredom and familiarity. Give her the space she needs and cut the messages. Force her to make a decision based on the fact that you won't be on the other end of the line without one.
Good Luck!

CrazyNoob

IMO Its not tricky at all!

She has a pletora (sp??) of excuses lined up. She flirts with guy from work tells you she fancies him, and then wants 'me time' it doesnt take a mind reader to see whats going to happen next.

You cannot make her like you, you cannot keep her, and trying to hold onto her imo just looks sad and makes you less desirable.

You're far better off, having self respect and just saying you want to talk to her then say have as much 'me time' as she needs and dump her.

At least that way you'll have self respect instead of 1-2 months being whipped and then dumped.

muppetkiller

Sounds to me like she's a very honest person telling you that she's keen on someone else.
I'd say there's more than a one sided attraction to the guy at work too so she's thinking that you may be a lost cause at this stage seeing as you plan to travel and she doesn't. .

You've already cheated (From you post that's what it seems like) on her so you're lucky to have her at the moment at all.
Seems she's already decided what's best for her and you're not it. Sorry matey get out now before your heartbroken.

LegacyUser

thanks Nerin...i tend to be a bit of a pessimist anyways so...i am bracing myself for the worst i guess...

LegacyUser

thanks for the responses guys......i get your points in all of them...and i agree......i need to give some sort of deadline to this for my own sanity....
and i also agree because i screwed up i am lucky to have her...there all valid points, and muchly appreciated..anybody elses opinion is welcome

Nerin

no problem sir,was tryin to ease ya into it,but i think u kno dont u.
plus everyone else is tellin u aswell. listen,it aint the end of the world if its over etc etc.

but do keep the idea of travelling alive.

whiskeyman

tricky one alright.
I don't think she values the relationship as much as you do... your mishap earlier might have enforced that, even if she says it hasn't.
I think she might need more 'me time' to put herself forward in her thinking.
You mentioned you thought about travelling, and she is of the opinion that you are, but then you said you won't because the relationship is more important. I think you need to question is it, and are you not more important?
I hope everything works out for you. Best of luck

Fwaggle

When you say you "screwed up" do you mean you cheated on her?

If it does, then I would say that at least she is showing you more respect than you showed her, by telling you upront that she is interested in someone else, and not going behind your back about it.

If it doesn't, then ignore the above

vorbis

yeah, I'd be interested to know what the "screwed up" remark is about.

Leaving that aside, I'd advise you to dump her. Another poster "praised" her for being honest in telling you she fancied someone else.

Its not honest, its being manipulative and cruel. To be in a year and a half relationship and to tell your bf that you fancy someone else is really really nasty.

She's messing with your head man. Even if she does come back to you, she's shown some unbelievably bad behavior towards you. It will only get worse. Do you really want a life of misery?

LegacyUser

hey guys...ya when i mentioned i 'screwed up' yes i did cheat on her i regret to say,but ive seen the error of my ways and would never dream of doing it again...she says its not a revenge tactic,i believe her i guess

anotehr thing i guess id have to ask myself is,if it did work out and we got back..what would the storey be with this 'work guy',cud i accept the fact she works with him each day...