short piece (please listen)

Redegg

here is a video to go with it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=klPZ3KQjSFc

I know it needs work but what? I can't quite put my finger on it!!

cornbb

Its cool, I like it. Where did you get the vocal sample?

I wouldn't introduce any new sounds or instruments, its nice and uncluttered. I like the way the guitar riff develops. Maybe you could replace the drum sound (the clap) with something similar but slightly more subtle, its a little bit cutting as it is if you know what I mean.

Redegg

It's the "I'm as mad a Hell" quote from The Network. Great quote. Thanks for your opinion! *noted*

Nozebleed

ehh!..Can you handle the truth?

DublinWriter

Well done on including quotes from 'Network', one of the most overlooked masterpieces of US cinema and as relevant now more so then when it was first made in 1976.

BTW, if you want to check out how quotes from iconoclastic movies should be added to music, check out Big Audio Dynamites' first CD.

The adoption of B/W footage and use of dodgy VHS copy transition effects do contribute to the nilhistic and puntalistic feel of the piece.

What you say you are lacking is perhaps a decent conclusion at the end. I'd suggest random shots of homeless people begging.

Redegg

Yea, the VHS quality is something is was a bit dubious about at the start. Beggers on the street. hmm. Nice image. Beggers crying though of course.