Sick & Tired

LegacyUser

I am sitting here in work feeling sorry myself after another Sat & Sun night blitzed from booze, barely able to work on Mondays, not having the energy to haul myself to the gym until Wednesday Why do I keep doing it? I live on my own, am single at 32 years of age and I am still behaving like I did when I was 21. I keep saying each week that I wont go out the following weekend but Saturday comes, the phone rings and its back up on this poxy merry go round. In fact, I have become a bit of a parody of myself in that everyone expects me to be pi**ed at the weekend & going off with girls 10 years younger than me, when deep down all I really want to do is meet a nice girl and settle down. Over the years I have burned a lot of bridges with my antics while boozed up (not violent just a messer). Have lots of friends but everyone seems to be settling down apart from me. I know people will say you can go out & enjoy yourself without booze or drink less when out but I would find that extremely difficult because when I am out I just end up going hell for leather and am always last man standing. Just feeling despondent about my prospects of ever settling down and feeling like I am stuck in a massive rut.
Anyone going through or been through similar?

dudara

This might be a shocking thought - why not say NO when those calls arrive on Saturday night, or better not, don't answer the phone.

If you want to stop this roundabout of drinking, then you have to take the responsibility.

I have sympathy for you. Lately I've cut back a lot on weekend drinking as it just simply ruins your weekend. I prefer to have a clear head on Sunday morning and money in my pocket. Friends will accept that you want to change your priorities if you make it clear to them.

Electric

How about changing what you do on Saturday nights?

Instead of going to the pub how about inviting friends around for dinner? You still get the company but minus most of the booze. Plus you say that you have burned bridges because of your behaviour with drink. This could give you a chance to show people what you are like without all the drink.

The other thing is that you don't need to be a fantastic cook. You could post a thread in the Food & Drink forum. There are plenty of people there that can give you recipes and hints what will suit your culinary skills

Or if that's not your thing try going to the cinema or something other than the pub. There are plenty of things to do on Saturday nights that get you out of the house but don't involve drink.

And like dudara says it's nice to wake up on Sunday mornings with a clear head!

LegacyUser

I know guys in the same position as you, while they've never admitted it to me, i'm pretty sure they all feel the same. Being 32, single (some still living at home) and drinking all weekend whilst looking for an easy ride is no ones ideal idea of life! Although i'm sure it's great craic!

Fact is, only YOU can change your life, for you.. try and meet a woman in a sober envoirment, ie work or at the gym.. it'd help if she wasn't a heavy drinker.

Look into getting yourself some hobbies that don't involve drinking!

prendy

drink less but still go out...its not that difficult.

youll find you enjoy the nights more...remember conversations, not make a fool outta yourself and maybe meet someone.

also clearer head on sunday is nice!

the_syco

I can dig what your saying, and what the lads and ladies above are saying, but OP, you any good at pool, darts, or poker? Not serious poker, but a fiver in, play for 2 or 3 hours, and then head out to the pub. Or maybe a few games of darts or pool/snooker. Have a few cans in the process. Try half of what you'd normally have, which is easier than you'd think, as you'll be doing stuff as well as drinking. Then go clubbing, but try to cut down on the drink.

Finally, there's a tablet that is being sold, that allows you to be sober longer. It's legal, and was "big" last year when it came out (seemingly the KGB used it, so that they could drink the same amount as the enemy, but stay sober enough to question the enemy).

As for being f**ked on Monday, how about hitting the gym Sunday, after the night on the booze on Saturday? It'll mean that you'll be more refreshed, and more inclined to want to goto bed early on Sunday.

LegacyUser

Hi OP.

Im 29, sort of in the same boat. Except not just drink, pills, coke n anything else I can get my hands on. Had been trashed every weekend for the last 9 months, often 2 or 3 days with no sleep. Then work on monday. Got a rep as a hardcore weekend party boy and figured thats what I had become.

Everybody else seemed to have a life goin on, mine was the one I thought I was living. Aloof but good for the sessions.

Long story short I relaised its not just a case of changing the weekend. I'd a moment of clarity where I've realised the problem was me, mainly I've very low self esteem, have had it for years, despite being a nice popular guy, was using everything like drink n drugs to hide n socialise at the same time.

Made the decision there and then enough is enough. Two weeks sober, seeing a counselor n regular suss with the GP.

Dont need to loose contact with my friends, just need to learn to be able to get on and get out without the stuff I've been doing.

What im trying to say is have a good look at yourself, not your weekends and start from there.

And you'll be ok, I know I will, just prob gonna take a while man but 32 isnt old. Better to cop on now rather than when you're well older and its too late

davyjose

Well that was me up until about a year ago. And then I realised that what was missing from my life was NOT going to be found on a saturday night. So I stopped - I'm having fun finding new things to do and am happier. I'm more efficient at my job, I'm back in college part-time. I'm physically in better shape, and I haven't been sick since, not even a cold!

Suse

OP - I think I can help you with this.

You sound EXACTLY the same as my bf before he met me. Now I'm not on here to claim to have saved him from himself or anything .

Let me explain: Two years ago I met my bf. Now we did know each other from school but hadn't crossed paths for about 10 years! My bf's best friend got married to one of my good friends and around the time of the wedding we got together. At the time my bf had a reputation as the party boy of the group, always single, always up for a good night out, last to go home every night, always up for a holiday or a day trip etc etc. He spent all his weekend drinking Guinness, backing slow horses and reading football coupons.

Once we got together he changed this pattern completely and almost immediately! Of course all of his mates were laughing and blaming me for "putting the smockt on him" or "putting manners on him" or "he's now under the thumb" etc. So untrue. I was a bit of a partyier too but not quite in his league. We talked about it one night and he told me that he was so unhappy with his life been all about the pissed up weekend and the lads holidays and like you he only wanted to meet someone and settle down. Now don't get me wrong we still party and go out but he's not dedicated to it like before.

He explained to me that when you're a single guy 28 - 34 it's much much more difficult to have a balanced life than a single girl 28 - 34. Reason being you can't go to the cinema on your own, you can't go into town for the day and have a nice lunch, you can't try a new restaurant on your own, you can't go to a play on your own and you soon get tired of been the gooseberry or hanging out with your siblings or parents. My bf turned down a few weddings because he didn't fancy being there on his own with six other couples!!! He also told me that his mates' partners would consider him a bad influence or a wild boy because he was always footloose so to speak. Like if any of his mates were having a tiff with the other half; no doubt they'd be on the beer with my fella. Get where I'm coming from.

Anyway the answer - I think you should slow down just a little bit. Remember girls our age arn't attracted to the wild boy, and my fella's reputation almost prevented me from going out with him! When an occassion comes up like a wedding, a friends party, a trip away, somewhere that you are likely to meet new people through your friends or family BEHAVE yourself. When my bf's best mate got married (when i met him) he was very sober all weekend as he was bestman. I do think looking back if he had of been pissed up all weekend I wouldn't have been all that interested in him because I would be believed in his reputation. Am I making sence here?

So make an effort to behave when you are around new people. Maybe offer to drive therefore preventing you from drinking. Another excuse if you want is that you are taking anti-biotics!!!!

Still enjoy your weekend and your beer - life is short but play it clever. When you are around potential girlfriend material slow down and laugh off the party boy image to them. This is what my bf did and it worked on me.

We tend to only go out now for occassions (which at the moment seems like every weekend) and on the weekends when we don't have a birthday party, chritening, wedding, funeral, anniversary to attend we go for a meal or stay in and get a take- away and enjoy our time at home along

Good luck with it - don't beat yourself up on this. Christmas is coming and it's an ideal time to meet someone new!!!

It will happen - but not if your pissed!!!!;)

Suse

OP - I think I can help you with this.

You sound EXACTLY the same as my bf before he met me. Now I'm not on here to claim to have saved him from himself or anything .

Let me explain: Two years ago I met my bf. Now we did know each other from school but hadn't crossed paths for about 10 years! My bf's best friend got married to one of my good friends and around the time of the wedding we got together. At the time my bf had a reputation as the party boy of the group, always single, always up for a good night out, last to go home every night, always up for a holiday or a day trip etc etc. He spent all his weekend drinking Guinness, backing slow horses and reading football coupons.

Once we got together he changed this pattern completely and almost immediately! Of course all of his mates were laughing and blaming me for "putting the smockt on him" or "putting manners on him" or "he's now under the thumb" etc. So untrue. I was a bit of a partyier too but not quite in his league. We talked about it one night and he told me that he was so unhappy with his life been all about the pissed up weekend and the lads holidays and like you he only wanted to meet someone and settle down. Now don't get me wrong we still party and go out but he's not dedicated to it like before.

He explained to me that when you're a single guy 28 - 34 it's much much more difficult to have a balanced life than a single girl 28 - 34. Reason being you can't go to the cinema on your own, you can't go into town for the day and have a nice lunch, you can't try a new restaurant on your own, you can't go to a play on your own and you soon get tired of been the gooseberry or hanging out with your siblings or parents. My bf turned down a few weddings because he didn't fancy being there on his own with six other couples!!! He also told me that his mates' partners would consider him a bad influence or a wild boy because he was always footloose so to speak. Like if any of his mates were having a tiff with the other half; no doubt they'd be on the beer with my fella. Get where I'm coming from.

Anyway the answer - I think you should slow down just a little bit. Remember girls our age arn't attracted to the wild boy, and my fella's reputation almost prevented me from going out with him! When an occassion comes up like a wedding, a friends party, a trip away, somewhere that you are likely to meet new people through your friends or family BEHAVE yourself. When my bf's best mate got married (when i met him) he was very sober all weekend as he was bestman. I do think looking back if he had of been pissed up all weekend I wouldn't have been all that interested in him because I would be believed in his reputation. Am I making sence here?

So make an effort to behave when you are around new people. Maybe offer to drive therefore preventing you from drinking. Another excuse if you want is that you are taking anti-biotics!!!!

Still enjoy your weekend and your beer - life is short but play it clever. When you are around potential girlfriend material slow down and laugh off the party boy image to them. This is what my bf did and it worked on me.

We tend to only go out now for occassions (which at the moment seems like every weekend) and on the weekends when we don't have a birthday party, chritening, wedding, funeral, anniversary to attend we go for a meal or stay in and get a take- away and enjoy our time at home along

My bf will now tell anyone that he has a much better quality of life and is a much happier person - he just has to give up backing the slow horses now

Good luck with it - don't beat yourself up on this. Christmas is coming and it's an ideal time to meet someone new!!!

It will happen - but not if your pissed!!!!;)

muppetkiller

I want to meet a Suse too
I totally agree with your post +1
'He explained to me that when you're a single guy 28 - 34 it's much much more difficult to have a balanced life than a single girl 28 - 34. Reason being you can't go to the cinema on your own, you can't go into town for the day and have a nice lunch, you can't try a new restaurant on your own, you can't go to a play on your own and you soon get tired of been the gooseberry or hanging out with your siblings or parents. My bf turned down a few weddings because he didn't fancy being there on his own with six other couples!!! He also told me that his mates' partners would consider him a bad influence or a wild boy because he was always footloose so to speak. Like if any of his mates were having a tiff with the other half; no doubt they'd be on the beer with my fella. Get where I'm coming from.'

King of Kings

muppetkiller wrote: »

I want to meet a Suse too
'

we all do in some way.

Suse

Muppetkiller + King of Kings - there are loads of girls like me out there. Lots of my friends want to meet nice guys.

Just behave yourselfs and always be a gentleman!!! Need any further advise PM me

LegacyUser

Suse wrote: »

OP - I think I can help you with this.

You sound EXACTLY the same as my bf before he met me. Now I'm not on here to claim to have saved him from himself or anything .

Let me explain: Two years ago I met my bf. Now we did know each other from school but hadn't crossed paths for about 10 years! My bf's best friend got married to one of my good friends and around the time of the wedding we got together. At the time my bf had a reputation as the party boy of the group, always single, always up for a good night out, last to go home every night, always up for a holiday or a day trip etc etc. He spent all his weekend drinking Guinness, backing slow horses and reading football coupons.

Once we got together he changed this pattern completely and almost immediately! Of course all of his mates were laughing and blaming me for "putting the smockt on him" or "putting manners on him" or "he's now under the thumb" etc. So untrue. I was a bit of a partyier too but not quite in his league. We talked about it one night and he told me that he was so unhappy with his life been all about the pissed up weekend and the lads holidays and like you he only wanted to meet someone and settle down. Now don't get me wrong we still party and go out but he's not dedicated to it like before.

He explained to me that when you're a single guy 28 - 34 it's much much more difficult to have a balanced life than a single girl 28 - 34. Reason being you can't go to the cinema on your own, you can't go into town for the day and have a nice lunch, you can't try a new restaurant on your own, you can't go to a play on your own and you soon get tired of been the gooseberry or hanging out with your siblings or parents. My bf turned down a few weddings because he didn't fancy being there on his own with six other couples!!! He also told me that his mates' partners would consider him a bad influence or a wild boy because he was always footloose so to speak. Like if any of his mates were having a tiff with the other half; no doubt they'd be on the beer with my fella. Get where I'm coming from.

Anyway the answer - I think you should slow down just a little bit. Remember girls our age arn't attracted to the wild boy, and my fella's reputation almost prevented me from going out with him! When an occassion comes up like a wedding, a friends party, a trip away, somewhere that you are likely to meet new people through your friends or family BEHAVE yourself. When my bf's best mate got married (when i met him) he was very sober all weekend as he was bestman. I do think looking back if he had of been pissed up all weekend I wouldn't have been all that interested in him because I would be believed in his reputation. Am I making sence here?

So make an effort to behave when you are around new people. Maybe offer to drive therefore preventing you from drinking. Another excuse if you want is that you are taking anti-biotics!!!!

Still enjoy your weekend and your beer - life is short but play it clever. When you are around potential girlfriend material slow down and laugh off the party boy image to them. This is what my bf did and it worked on me.

We tend to only go out now for occassions (which at the moment seems like every weekend) and on the weekends when we don't have a birthday party, chritening, wedding, funeral, anniversary to attend we go for a meal or stay in and get a take- away and enjoy our time at home along

Good luck with it - don't beat yourself up on this. Christmas is coming and it's an ideal time to meet someone new!!!

It will happen - but not if your pissed!!!!;)

Susse,
OP here,
Your BF's previous situation is almost identical to mine, cheers for the advice.

Suse

???? - no bother - any time. if it all gets to you, you can p mail me. Don't worry too much about it and just chill out a bit and you'll be okay. This time of year is a hard time to be trying to slow down though with all the party's coming up. Good luck