Dont know what you've got till its...

Rockstar*

Hi guys,

I am 24 and have been seeing my girlfriend for the past year and a bit.

Its been brilliant and probably the happiest year of my life despite a lot of other issues which have affected my life.

Thing is I have grown a bit disillusioned with our relationship. I have been thinking a lot lately that I cannot honestly see myself marrying this girl. Im completely in love with her but could not devote the rest of my life to her and as a result have been asking the question 'should we bne going out?'

We have had a number of arguments lately due to her being drunk, me being stubborn and her being a bit childish/high maintenance which I think is the reason I have been thinking abouit this. Its eating me up lately because I really dont get on with a couple of her friends (IMO horrible people), one of her sisters and her mother. This might sound a little strange but I have done nothign to have them dislike me & I can only think I dont get on with who I have mentioned because they resent the fact I am going out with their friend,sister,daughter.

My friends are going travelling through oz asia etc next year and I have always said i would have gone only for my girlfriend who is contracted to work in dublin for another couple of years. I have been speaking with them secretly about the possibility of me going with them and this has been making me feel really really guilty the past week or so that I have been thinking this.I am very scared to be perfectly honest cause I ve never loved someone as much and I think of all the wonderful things we have done together and fun times and feel like an asshole for thinking about this behind her back.

Does anyone have any advice for me?

axer

Rockstar* wrote: »

My friends are going travelling through oz asia etc next year and I have always said i would have gone only for my girlfriend who is contracted to work in dublin for another couple of years. I have been speaking with them secretly about the possibility of me going with them and this has been making me feel really really guilty the past week or so that I have been thinking this.I am very scared to be perfectly honest cause I ve never loved someone as much and I think of all the wonderful things we have done together and fun times and feel like an asshole for thinking about this behind her back.

If you want to go then go otherwise you will always hold it against your girlfriend - if even just subconsciously. I'm not sure you are actually in love with her either otherwise you would have no problems imagining the rest of your life together but that is just my opinion. Good luck.

Rockstar*

Hi thank you and point taken. I can assure you I am in love with her but there seems to be so many unecessary obstacles in our relationship like her family and friends. Also I feel she has been very unreasonable with me on a few occasions recently in terms of fighting which has really annoyed me. I am still in love with her but am finding it hard to deal with the extra that seems to come with our relationship

microgirl

"Extra" comes in to every relationship. The difficulty you're likely experiencing is the fact that at this stage, a year and a half in, you're coming/have come to the end of the honeymoon period, and it starts becoming work. It starts requiring more and more genuine communication between you, and a lot of give and take, rather than just breezing through on the emotional high early relationships have.

If you and she are good companions for one another, that's the most important thing. Not that nothing she does ever annoys you - even the most happily married couples I know have things that really, really bug them about the other. Or vice versa. You really need to talk to her about the things that are bothering you. Not in a "I'm thinking of breaking up" way, but simply trying to communicate. It's not easy though, as I know all too well

The other option is to go for relationship advice. I know this may seem extreme, but it's honestly not. It's simply to learn how to interact in a relationship, and doesn't necessarily apply only to this one.

The Australia thing is harder. It's a little bit jam-on-yer-egg. You're young, all your mates are going, so you feel resentment. But equally you care about this girl. You can't have both, and only you can decide which is more important right now, but don't delude yourself about it. If you break up to go to Oz, chances are that's it. But you're young, you can go to Oz in years to come.

andrew1977

If you aint happy , end the relationship, move on and go on the trip to Oz that you want to do (it sounds like you do want to go )

Nothing worse than hanging around in a relationship that you just aint got the commitment or urge to do anymore.

davyjose

Go. That's my advice. You'll regret it forever if you don't. To be quite honest you're still at the age where you can do that sorta thing, but it won't last forever. I'm twenty-eight, and trust me, the future doesn't always present the opportunities you think it will.
I'm sure you do love your girlfriend, but there's many girls out there that you could end up being in love with too. I've personally been in love more than once. And hey, you don't buy the first car you test-drive (that may be a crude analogy, but nonetheless, an apt one)
So really you gotta ask yourself is she "the one"? Is she worth staying with in lieu of your independence - of a set of your own experiences - for the rest of your life? And I think you know the answer to that!

Laslo

Rockstar* wrote: »

Im completely in love with her but could not devote the rest of my life to her...We have had a number of arguments lately due to her being drunk, me being stubborn and her being a bit childish/high maintenance...I really dont get on with a couple of her friends (IMO horrible people), one of her sisters and her mother....they resent the fact I am going out with their friend,sister,daughter...My friends are going travelling through oz asia etc next year and I have always said i would have gone only for my girlfriend...Does anyone have any advice for me?

You're 24. You've got a few of the best years of your life left in you. Go to Australia. It's obviously not really worth sticking around in this relationship with so many daft complications. Hmmm... do you really love this girl or are you just saying that? I don't believe you do. If you have no intention of spending the rest of your life with her and you know that now, then it's futile to stay in the relationship one minute longer.

Placebo

oh wow OZ and asia, if your 24 wouldnt it be better to concentrate on your career and get a bit of experience work wise, build up the CV and then go,
i know some people deem traveling a life changing experience but id consider it a waste at my age, specially when your with some one, i think you will regret it. Although going away could help you get over it but somethings take forever.
dont know what u go till its gone for definite. All couples have fights, why are u even thinking about marriage.

junkster12345

microgirl wrote: »

"Extra" comes in to every relationship. The difficulty you're likely experiencing is the fact that at this stage, a year and a half in, you're coming/have come to the end of the honeymoon period, and it starts becoming work. It starts requiring more and more genuine communication between you, and a lot of give and take, rather than just breezing through on the emotional high early relationships have.

If you and she are good companions for one another, that's the most important thing. Not that nothing she does ever annoys you - even the most happily married couples I know have things that really, really bug them about the other. Or vice versa. You really need to talk to her about the things that are bothering you. Not in a "I'm thinking of breaking up" way, but simply trying to communicate. It's not easy though, as I know all too well

The other option is to go for relationship advice. I know this may seem extreme, but it's honestly not. It's simply to learn how to interact in a relationship, and doesn't necessarily apply only to this one.

The Australia thing is harder. It's a little bit jam-on-yer-egg. You're young, all your mates are going, so you feel resentment. But equally you care about this girl. You can't have both, and only you can decide which is more important right now, but don't delude yourself about it. If you break up to go to Oz, chances are that's it. But you're young, you can go to Oz in years to come.

my god , you are a rock of sense, i wish i had you on my shoulder every time i was gonna make a decision !!

pretty-in-pink

If you love this girl, then the extra is worth doing. If you don't, it's not. Love is not easy and all fun and games, there are hard places, and dark times. Its how you deal with them as a couple thats important. A bad patch is not something to throw a relationship away over.

As for her friends etc- who exactly are you dating? Them, or her? I'm sure you have mates she isn't keen on. Such is life.

You can say that Oz will always be there, so why run off now when you have a career to build.

You can say if you and your girl are meant to be, then you will be, so why wait to go to Oz

You can say you're young and can start a career when you get back.

However, if you go, then you will return to a job market, at 25, with no home of your own, no experience, no girlfriend (most likely) and pretty broke. Why do that mid-twenties? What have you got to lose by waiting? What have you got to lose by not waiting?

Only you can decide that, but I'd suggest talking to your girlfriend before doing anything. Open those communicantion lines,and don't go in blaming her for stuff or feeling resentful, that will only serve to make her defenive, cue a fight and more bad feeling. Have a calm, rational talk with her about the future. then start to make your plans

davyjose

I can assure you OP that the chances of you going to OZ when you're 28 or 29 are quite minimal. I know the advice to build up your career and then go is on the table, but TBH if you've spent that long focusing on your career, you'll find it hard to drop the job, pay off the visa cards, car-loan, stall that career you've worked on to head off to Australia, at a time when your mates aren't going.
If you do go and break up with the girlfriend, I'd be very surprised if you wind up alone and rueful forever over that. Of course, it's your life and you gotta take your own chances.

finkaboutit555

HI OP,

If your unhappy. GO.

I know how you feel. I'm with my Girlfriend for 4.5 years.
I love her But, there are things about her that almost make me want to Shout like a person with tourettes at a eminem concert!!

As one of the other Posters has said your friend are going NOW!! Not in 5 years when you might be ready to go.. Keep putting it off and it may never happen..

Someone else said spend more time building up your career and C.V. Go Traveling Now and get it out of your system.. And Work when you get back.
Your only 24..

seraphimvc

pretty-in-pink wrote: »

If you love this girl, then the extra is worth doing. If you don't, it's not. Love is not easy and all fun and games, there are hard places, and dark times. Its how you deal with them as a couple thats important. A bad patch is not something to throw a relationship away over.

As for her friends etc- who exactly are you dating? Them, or her? I'm sure you have mates she isn't keen on. Such is life.

You can say that Oz will always be there, so why run off now when you have a career to build.

You can say if you and your girl are meant to be, then you will be, so why wait to go to Oz

You can say you're young and can start a career when you get back.

However, if you go, then you will return to a job market, at 25, with no home of your own, no experience, no girlfriend (most likely) and pretty broke. Why do that mid-twenties? What have you got to lose by waiting? What have you got to lose by not waiting?

Only you can decide that, but I'd suggest talking to your girlfriend before doing anything. Open those communicantion lines,and don't go in blaming her for stuff or feeling resentful, that will only serve to make her defenive, cue a fight and more bad feeling. Have a calm, rational talk with her about the future. then start to make your plans

i second that.

be rational and try to talk to as mush as people that you can talk with (i mean your close mates and of course your gf).You look like having a hard time to do some difficult decisions to me tbh,your gf is just partly related to that.