How to stop being so negative???

LuckyStar

This is affecting me badly. Basically I am a moan, I am starting my first proper job (in an office) on Monday and I want to get on with everyone. In nearly everywhere I have ever worked during college I was never that popular, and I think I have figured out why-I have a problem with moaning. I am always moaning and bitching about something, I don't know how to stop. Part of the problem is I don't have many interests- not into sports, not mad into TV/music/films so don't have a whole lot to talk about. So when I am not moaning I am probably very boring. How do I break the habit and stop being a whine? I can't imagine I'm at all easy to listen to. At the same time I don't want to be saying all nice things all the time and come across as either fake, a doormat or a suck-up. I m thinking I might be best off just staying quiet!!!

Beruthiel

LuckyStar wrote: »

I am always moaning and bitching about something, I don't know how to stop.

Have you tried stopping a second and thinking about what you're about to say before it comes out of you mouth?

Part of the problem is I don't have many interests

Get some.

Timothy Bryce

Beruthiel wrote: »

Have you tried stopping a second and thinking about what you're about to say before it comes out of you mouth?



Get some.

I concur. Stop being a twat, extract your thumb out of your arse and try watching what you're saying.

You probably have fcuk all to moan about as well

biko

Try the old rule - if you've nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all. Try it for a day.

Btw, I've friend that is like you and she also sigh a lot which is infuriating after a while. I've given out to her several times. Needless to say we don't see much of each other any more.

Beruthiel

Timothy Bryce wrote: »

I concur. Stop being a twat, extract your thumb out of your arse and try watching what you're saying.

You probably have fcuk all to moan about as well

Read this forums Charter before you get yourself banned.
B

LegacyUser

Firstly far play for actually recognising you do moan too much - believe me there are quite a few people i know that have not recognised that they do it all the time.

i used to be quiet negative about things but then i stopped and listened to other peoples responses and i learnt that being negative does no one any good. being positive does actually lift you. having daid that we all need a good moan at times.

do try and find an interest though - im sure there is something (even at the back of your mind) that you have always wanted to do, make the effort and follow up on it

Good luck in the new job!

LuckyStar

yeah when i used to moan in my last job the response would often just be "mmm" or "yeah i know". Loads of people talk about TV shows and such but I don't really watch much TV. But I do have a habit of talking before thinking which will have to stop.

Timothy Bryce

Beruthiel wrote: »

Read this forums Charter before you get yourself banned.
B

Fantastic - made for some good reading!

Have you read it? I don't want to ruin the ending for you!

LegacyUser

LuckyStar wrote: »

yeah when i used to moan in my last job the response would often just be "mmm" or "yeah i know". Loads of people talk about TV shows and such but I don't really watch much TV. But I do have a habit of talking before thinking which will have to stop.

Hi to you

I agree with the chap who said fair play to you for recognising that you moan a lot.

Maybe you've been mildly depressed for a while without realising? This can appear to be that you are just a "moan", but maybe on some level a lot deeper you are depressed or unhappy with your lot. Interests are good to have. If you take up interests I guarantee you, that you won't want to converse with people who talk mainly about TV shows as you will probably find it boring. The best way I think, to stop moaning is to stop focusing on what you feel you are lacking in life, try to put the needs you have in balance and go out and do some stuff for you, and get interested in others, instead of making negative comments about situations, ask people around you how they feel about it first, or simply just ask them about them and what they are doing with their lives. If the answer is about TV shows, get yoru skates on and run like mad....

Movershaker

I find that a good way to make conversation with people if you don't really have anything to talk about is to ask them questions about themselves. People love to talk about themselves, it's human nature. Try to see the positive side of things when replying, and basically just try to lighten up! After a while of forcing yourself to be upbeat, your brain will actually catch on, then it won't be as much of a struggle any more (assuming there aren't significant events going on in your life that are bringing you down).

Try to get out more, even if it's just a matter of going for a long walk in the evenings to blow out a few cobwebs. You are probably a bit bored with life and need some variety. Fair play for having some self awareness and realising that you need to make some changes. You definitely have the right attitude in starting this new job, I hope it goes well for you.

coolhandc

if you smile alot and are friendly with people from day one that should get you off to a good start. try to picture yourself really happy, like you just got the best job ever,and you were chosen,or you won the lotto or something.
when your happy its difficult to moan so much.

second,you should think about what exactly you are interested in.you must have some hobbies,and if not you should take up some. you might not be interested in football,but sometimes,something as little as looking at the scores every monday morning, reading the papers with all the latest news...all of these will enable you to have a conversation. just try and be positive and cheerful. theres plenty of books you could get if you were interested, i would recommend maximum acheivement by stephen r covey, or the 7 habbits of highly effective people.

dunno if that helps!

greenteaicedtea

Maybe try keeping a journal of all the negative thoughts you have, or at least when you start complaining around other people.

Maybe you'll start to see a pattern, to your behaviour, or about what you complain about, and you'll be able to see the situation coming next time and stop yoruself. Also, perhaps when you see it all written down, maybe that'll put things in better perspective, that you'll remember just how much of it there is before you start complaining next time.

I think it might be best to see movies more often, and then discuss the movies at work. That is probably the safest thing to do. You don't want to veer off into territory that is too obscure or uncomfortable. I don't ask people personal stuff, I wait till they bring it up and then I ask them more about it.

neuro-praxis

All the advice here is good and worth listening to. I just wanted to add, you sound like you don't like yourself very much.

Maybe you need to be less negative with yourself as well as with others. Concentrate on your positive points. If you don't see many, work on ways to be someone you'd naturally like. I don't mean fake it - I mean develop yourself.

Good luck, I hope this new job is terrific and you make some great friends.

P.S. Not fitting in isn't always a bad thing. The best people I know are misfits.

finkaboutit555

I agree with some of the other posters!!

Think Before you Speak...
And
Find Something that will give you a conversation piece..

Read Books,I never thought many people I knew read books until the topic came up in conversation,Now I read different books which,although differs (from time to time) from my friends it still offers a topic.

Broaden your horizons, Join clubs,Go for that drink on a friday..
When you watch a film, Watch it for what it is dont be knocking it at the first
hurdle..

b3t4

A way I've combated this is for everything negative I say, I will always say something positive to counter act it. I like this as it feels more balanced and it's more of a transition.

Soon enough you'll find that the negative thoughts aren't as consuming.

A