Relationship Trouble, please help - Opinions needed

trevorku

Hi I have some trouble in my relationship so to speak.
I am Irish, my girlfriend is Polish. I am now living in Warsaw since September but will return to Dublin in January.
I've pretended to my girlfriend that everything has been fine here however I cant stand living here really and I really miss a lot of the comforts from back home. Here we dont even live in the city, its a small town and there is not alot to do and I dont speak the language so obviously I feel somewhat alienated. My girlfriend is really the only person who I can speak English to.

My girlfriend is always talking about the 2 of us returning to Poland in a couple of years. Ok it may be slightly cheaper but honestly I don't imagine myself living here ever again. I've had enough of the place.

I'm 24 and my girlfriend is 30 years old, sometimes she is hinting at marraige quite often but I consider myself still too young to be married however I think that she feels like she needs to marry really quite from the pressure of her family.

I do love my girlfriend very much and she treats me better than any of my other girlfriends ever have and I dont want to lose her, do you have any advice on the matter for me? Thanks guys!! :rolleyes:

c - 13

Sit her down and tell her what you have written above, how is she supposed to help if she doesnt know that you're unhappy ?

Maybe you could learn some polish too ? Ask her to introduce her to her friends etc. I realise its tough, especially when its not in the city.

If all comes to all just tell her how you feel and move home. Sure she'll be upset for a while but shell get over it.

Vegeta

Ok 2 of your problems are the language and your current residence.

Both of these things are easily changed. Especially if you do love this woman

So learn Polish and consider moving to a more active part where you have access to decent amenities.

That's 2 things you can work on.

I would also tell your girlfriend that you feel homesick and miss Ireland, the truth basically. Try and be positive when you say it to her, don't slight Poland in any way just say you miss Ireland.

Getting married is a big deal but if you really get on with her and truly love her then what has age got to do with it. If you want to ride around a bit before you settle down then i have to question how strong your feelings are for this girl. Is your age the only thing stopping you getting married is what I am asking i suppose?

biko

How does she feel about living in Ireland? Have you asked her?
Maybe you both could move to a third country, France, Germany, England?

trevorku

Hi guys thanks for the help. We have now discussed it, and its not that I'm afraid of commitment, I just feel too young to be married at the moment. It has nothing to do with wanting to play around or anything because well I'm not the type to be honest.

Preferably I would like to have a house in Ireland if the prices ever come down but we will also build in Poland. Maybe we can go between countries, we will cross that bridge when we come to it I guess.

Shes the only girl for me, she picks me up when Im down and she always cheers me up. Anyways I told her how I feel and we agreed to take it slower. Thanks for your help everyone anyways. Take care.

lolli

Hi OP

I'm from Ireland and my boyfriend is originally from the czech republic. We have been together over 2 and a half years.

I have been to the czech rep a few times but I am feel the same as you, I could never live there on a permanent basis. I explained this to my boyfriend that I felt it would be too much for me i.e language barrier, culture shock etc!! I mean he came here to have a better life for himself, i'm not willing to move there where i feel i would be worse off, it would be hard for me to get a job over there.

He has a house in Czech which we stay in for holidays. I have no problem going for a month perhaps once for a few months but i am NEVER going to live there all the time. He understood how I felt afterall it was his choice to leave his country and come here. I dont want to leave mine.

We are going to stay in Ireland, have a holiday home in Czech. I am going to learn how to speak czech so i can talk to people when I am over there.

All in all I think just talk to her she will understand how you feel. I think if you really want to be together you will find someway around this.

Best of luck

LegacyUser

Funny thread. I am German and currently living in Ireland with my Irish boyfriend. There is no way I will stay in this country! What you feel in regard to Poland/the Czech Republic, I feel in regard to Ireland. I am going to return to Germany very soon. My boyfriend knows this and will start a German course very soon.

As you can see, it works the other way around too.

loismustdie

hope you don't mind me saying but you sound more like you depend on your girlfriend than lvoe her, you talk about her being good to you and treating you better that ex's. are you sure you want to be with her forever?
sorry to say it but just a thought, ignore it if you feel fit and best of luck with whatever you do, hope you end up happy

trevorku

Thanks Lolli, your advice but the most that I value. To GermanInIreland, if you dont like this country then why wait, just go home. I just hope that your boyfriend can adapt to German life. Its not an easy language to master.

To 'loismustdie', I dont depend on my girlfriend for alot but thanks for your comment. However I depend on her here because I dont speak the language so obviously thats a Yes No answer I just gave you but I think you understand what I'm saying.

To Lolli again, finally someone who understands the situation from experience. I think myself and my girlfriend will maybe retire in Poland when the kids are grown or whatever but for now we will continue to build in Poland and make a holiday home or something. We will apply for affordable housing and get on the 6 month waiting list to try and get approved.

To see Poland/Czech republic as a tourist is extremely different to living in that place, thats what I've learned. Who knows's, maybe I chose the wrong city to live in. If theres one thing I like about Poland is than they seem more chilled out and relaxed and there is hardly any anti-social behaviour.

You know I know some things in Czech, had a Czech friend in work and also I was in Slovakia visiting a friend so its kind of similar so....

Ahoj! Jak se mas?
Je s mam taky dobre
Do Videnia

Funnily enough I know alot of tit-bits from all languages almost.

To 'loismustdie' hope I didnt sound snappy before, I do love my girlfriend but I need to be honest with you, at the start I was aprehensive where the relationship would go and I had the view that all the foreigners from east europe would head back in a few years once they have enough money. However I know that me and my girlfriend will be together wherever we live, prefarably Ireland.

Lolli honestly the only job for a foreigner in eastern europe is as native english teacher, its well paid like 10Euro per hour however its not ideal and a horrible thought to know you will be in one job for the rest of your job.

What I can say is I have tried living abroad and not alot of people can claim it however what I can say is that I do love my girlfriend.

Take care and feel free to send any PM's if you want.

- Trevor

Black Swan

trevorku wrote: »

I've pretended to my girlfriend that everything has been fine here however I cant stand living here...

You haven't been honest with her? Would you want her to be dishonest with you? Maybe it's time to have a heart to heart talk about how you feel about living in Poland, as well as what your relationship means to you both?

trevorku

trevorku wrote: »

Lolli honestly the only job for a foreigner in eastern europe is as native english teacher, its well paid like 10Euro per hour however its not ideal and a horrible thought to know you will be in one job for the rest of your job.

In fairness that is only if you limit yourself by refusing to learn the language.

professore

Moonbaby wrote: »

In fairness that is only if you limit yourself by refusing to learn the language.

Agreed ... an Irish person in Warsaw who speaks fluent Polish could make a fortune IMHO.

LegacyUser

trevorku wrote: »

To GermanInIreland, if you dont like this country then why wait, just go home. I just hope that your boyfriend can adapt to German life. Its not an easy language to master.

Have I touched a nerve? I just find it slightly weird to go to a foreign country not bothering to learn the language and then simply claim that Ireland is superior to that foreign country. You never really gave it a shot. I am fluent in English and can honestly say that I actually tried to build up a good life here. It hasn't happened and I cannot see it happen. Also, I have happily lived in other foreign countries before, so I don't think I am somewhat biased when it comes to Germany. In fact, I'd be happy to go and live in a few other countries other than Germany - but my boyfriend (who happens to have lived in Germany before too) is only open to Germany at the moment.

Oh and btw, German is actually easier to learn than Polish.

lolli

However I know that me and my girlfriend will be together wherever we live, prefarably Ireland. (Trev I feel the same if my boyfriend told me in the morning that he was going back to Czech cos his mother was sick or something I would go for sure because I love him. I think you have to be in the situation to understand, its not as simple as go learn polish, you'll be grand then. Theres more to it.)

Lolli honestly the only job for a foreigner in eastern europe is as native english teacher, its well paid like 10Euro per hour however its not ideal and a horrible thought to know you will be in one job for the rest of your job. (its a good thing I have an English degree then )

Sorry I dunno how to quote!!

Piste

Have you considerd somewhere in Poland other than Warsaw? Krakow and Wroclaw are both gorgeous cities. Maybe come back to Ireladn but continue learning Polish and going over to Poland for holidays etc. then you might et a bit more comfortable there.

syklops

dude, I could have written the exact same thing. Im almost in the exact same position as you. I am 23, and my girlfriend, who is polish, is 29. We live in Ireland but I have been to poland a few times. I love polish people, but it is very easy to be home sick in Poland. I have been there a few times, the longest time was 2 weeks, and I could not wait to get home.

Even though many aspects of polish society are better than in Ireland. The health service is a good example, it does seem quite alien in many ways. And Its not like im a culchie, who has never travelled before, I have travelled extensively, and rarely been home sick.

Also, like you my girlfriend is the girl for me, and I intend to pop the question soon. I am happy to stay as we are, but I get the feeling she is under pressure from home to get married. I am going to propose soon, and we will have a nice long engagement, of 2 or more years.

Basically, I want to say your not the only one in this situation, and if you want to talk about it further, feel free to PM me.

LegacyUser

Syklops, whats the the culchie reference.. being a bit stereotypical arent we?

Its hard for anyone to adjust to new surroundings. I'm sure its just as hard for the migrants when they come over here

trevorku

Thanks Piste, good advice. Yeah I'm coming back in December and intend to learn Polish from Beginner to Advanced and then maybe I'll tackle Poland. Sure at least I can say I've given it a crack.