need to break up

LegacyUser

Hello

Need advice, as does everyone on here lmao.

I'm with this girl 8 months, and while I love her deeply, I've not told her yet. She told me and I sat there and said thanks, nice I know!

Thing is I do love her, but I want to break up with her. I feel that she will hurt me badly coz I love her. I cant stop thinking this, and all I can do is get there first.

Any advice please on what I can do to stop feeling like this.

highlydebased

Your afraid of the commitment, and afraid that she will indeed hurt you.

Dont break up with her, unless the need actually arises for different reasons.

Do not get it into your head that she will hurt you.

If you love her tell you btw. If you have not proclaimed your love she may think you do not love her and she may break up with you.

Marksie

If you fear to love and be hurt then you are not truly living.

You can wrap yoursefl in cotton wool for the rest of your life, but what good would that do, you may as well stay indoors IMO.

Yes you could break up but then you may not an you must understand that everything that happens to you is a lesson to be learned.

Learn to live in the now and accept your feelings for what they are, the future you are worrying about may not happen, but it will if you start pre-emptive strikes ever time you get close to someone.

Allow things to developas they will dont force them one way or another. If you do break up beacuse of your internal fear then you will hurt yourself, her and won't know where it would have lead. It will remain a might have been not a was or is

porn_star

Did you ever think that she might be just a tad bit scared aswell about getting hurt?! But yet she's willing to risk it anyways cos she loves you and must think it's worth a go. You're not the only one that's at risk of getting hurt.
So what are you going to do.. end it despite the fact that you're in love with her, then get over her.. meet another girl, get scared again and do the exact same thing all over again? It's a vicious cycle.
just go for it and stop thinking about what may or may not happen and ending up making yourself miserable.

Carrigart Exile

There's a great internet e-mail floating around about how to live your life to the full and one of the major things it says is 'love completely and wholeheartedly'. Your good lady sounds a good un, I would keep her close if I were you, otherwise some other lucky bloke will get her.

biko

You don't need to break up, you merely want to.
Which in my book means that you want to hurt her before she hurts you, which is a ****ty thing to do.

LegacyUser

Bite the bullet...although part of me is saying if you really loved her, after 8 months you would be comfortable enough around her to not want to hurt her the way you want to. Not saying breaking up is a bad thing, it's normal at times...but to break up with someone because you love them too much? Nah...part of me is saying you don't really love her...but honestly, what the **** do i know? Only you know that...if you love her, just go with it...if there is something about her that is making you insecure of telling her you love her...then you may be doing the right thing...but ask yourself this, whenever she does something that makes you feel uncomfortable, ask yourself "Can i put up with this for the next 40 years"? because that is what you will have to do when you get married...so I would have a think and wonder what is making you think she will hurt you? Is she doing something to hurt you? Also what age are you? I was like that when I was 18/19/20...i'm 23 now...

LegacyUser

I'm 28. And I know that I do love here, part of me is saying loving her after 8 months is crazy and it will not survive. The other part is saying its great you found someone to love.
I've neen hurt badly before and perhaps its a defence thing coz I didnt like the feel of being hurt (as no one does).

And when is good to say you love someone? Is 8 months to early? Even though she told me, I dunno if she was serious, if I ay it I free she say bit soon and run off.

How Strange

whattodo123456... I'm 28. And I know that I do love here, part of me is saying loving her after 8 months is crazy and it will not survive. The other part is saying its great you found someone to love.

When you love someone that's just it - you love them. There is no right or wrong time to feel it. Why do you think it won't survive? Is there some fundamental reason or are you just a pessimist who expects the breakup from the very beginning?

I've neen hurt badly before and perhaps its a defence thing coz I didnt like the feel of being hurt (as no one does).

Apologies for my insensitive remarks but ... what are you? A CLICHE? FFS, everyone has had their heart ripped out, squeezed and stamped on at least once but IMO the best thing about falling in love with someone is that lovely feeling of someone loving you for who you are. (yes pass the bucket!)

Anyway, my point is if you want to live your life missing opportunities because you want to ape the plot of every bad hollywood love story (wounded, damaged, can't love again) then go ahead. Or you could live in the real world.

And when is good to say you love someone? Is 8 months to early? Even though she told me, I dunno if she was serious, if I ay it I free she say bit soon and run off.

There is no good time, its when you feel like saying it. It's when you feel it so much that you can't keep quiet any longer. If I were her and I'd said it to you and you looked blankly back at me then I'd be running for the hills because that is not a good sign.

You've got some issues to sort out but if you love this girl then relax and enjoy it. If you don't then break up with her so she can find someone who will love her.

biko

whattodo123456 wrote: »

I've neen hurt badly before and perhaps its a defence thing coz I didnt like the feel of being hurt (as no one does).

I dare you to stay the course this time and not chicken out again. At 28 you are a man and should act like a man, with kindness and maturity.

whattodo123456 wrote: »

And when is good to say you love someone? Is 8 months to early? Even though she told me, I dunno if she was serious, if I ay it I free she say bit soon and run off.

Wait until Christmas when you have exchanged gifts and maybe sex. Then say that you have fallen for her.

m2c